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Tim Dubya

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Status Updates posted by Tim Dubya

    1. Re6/6
    2. bgman

      bgman

      Would that be Graham Norton ?

    3. Tim Dubya

      Tim Dubya

      no, that would have been "get up Norton".

  1. particularly hard day avoiding work, at work

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. 3 link

      3 link

      I know the feeling....

    3. Captain Kernow

      Captain Kernow

      Pick up a piece of paper and walk around looking meaningful.

    4. Robatron86

      Robatron86

      I'm currently pretending to fill in lots of important looking spreadsheets...

  2. The kid next door challenged me to a water fight, so I thought I'd type this while I wait for the water to boil.

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Captain Kernow
    3. bgman
    4. Brinkly

      Brinkly

      Lmao! That is the funniest thing I've read for ages!

  3. 76 years ago today....Whatever happened to Leon Trotsky,? He got an ice pick, That made his ears burn

  4. Can you get holiday insurance for time travel? - just wondering like.

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. DaveF

      DaveF

      As you come back to the present at the same time as you left insurers might not believe you've been away.

       

      I never bother when I go back in time to take my old photos!

    3. Mikkel

      Mikkel

      Will it cover delays?

    4. NGT6 1315

      NGT6 1315

      And paradoxes?

  5. Has just joined Facebook & Twitter (I don't know why either)

    1. Show previous comments  18 more
    2. Tim Dubya

      Tim Dubya

      In all fairness I could only comment on Holland & Barrett porkless pies...

       

      Holland & Barrett "Porkless Pie"

    3. Porcy Mane

      Porcy Mane

      Oo-er. The effect of the Horlicks must not have worn off yet. The More I look at the top of that Porkless Pie, the more I see the face of a bl**dy great lion licking its lips and staring back at me.

    4. Tim Dubya

      Tim Dubya

      bloody hell, you right there. Who'd have thought - a vegan lion!

  6. "My friends, as I have discovered myself, there are no disasters, only opportunities. And, indeed, opportunities for fresh disasters".

    1. Show previous comments  10 more
    2. Tim Dubya
    3. Mikkel

      Mikkel

      Click here for our online shop.

    4. HeeleyBridge

      HeeleyBridge

      ok I read "fresh dinosaur"...

       

      Get your fresh dinosaur here!!!

  7. I'm too terrified to walk out of my own front door, They're demonstrating outside I think they're gonna start the third world war, I've been to my local head shrinker, To help classify my disease, He said it's one of the cases of acute schizophrenia he sees.

    1. Show previous comments  13 more
    2. Tim Dubya

      Tim Dubya

      Every day I look at the world from my window

      But chilly, chilly is the evening time

      Waterloo sunset's fine

    3. Tim V

      Tim V

      I'm in two minds about this...

    4. Captain Kernow

      Captain Kernow

      Sounds like it's all gone Milford Haven, old chap.

  8. Bent double, like old beggars under sacks, Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge, Till on the haunting flares we turned our backs And towards our distant rest began to trudge. Men marched asleep. Many had lost their boots But limped on, blood-shod. All went lame; all blind; Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots Of tired, outstripped Five-Nines that dropped behind.

    1. Show previous comments  7 more
    2. Tim Dubya

      Tim Dubya

      nice idea Porcy

       

      (I'll need to consult the old man tomorrow but I think our lot all got through - although my grandad was totally ###### up even when I knew him).

    3. Crisis Rail

      Crisis Rail

      My Grandfather survived it - he didnt speak much of it either apparantly

    4. cpbell

      cpbell

      They shall grow not old...

  9. Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Tim Dubya

      Tim Dubya

      Napoleon Bonaparte

    3. Re6/6

      Re6/6

      Hotel Hanselbauer?

    4. Tim Dubya

      Tim Dubya

      Brown shirts - more like brown trousers!

  10. Despite a vote of no confidence by 33% of the house I will stand firm and cook the dinner!

    1. Show previous comments  11 more
    2. Tim Dubya

      Tim Dubya

      Ricky Tomlinson

    3. Porcy Mane

      Porcy Mane

      Not stating the obvious.

    4. Tim Dubya

      Tim Dubya

      Ricky doesn't do brexit, he much prefers an Eartha...

  11. Right, you're going down in the black book!

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. bgman

      bgman

      Danke Comrade :)

    3. HeeleyBridge

      HeeleyBridge

      He looks scarily young...

       

      PTTP!

    4. Tim Dubya

      Tim Dubya

      A young Foxy indeed.

  12. I have, in my hand a piece of paper...

    1. Show previous comments  42 more
    2. Horsetan

      Horsetan

      She must have had quite a few breakdowns.

    3. Porcy Mane

      Porcy Mane

      Nah. She knows her trunions.

    4. Captain Kernow
  13. I could be in the shadow cabinet by 10 o'clock... well the way things are going, it's possible. Minister for Scrumpy?

    1. Show previous comments  17 more
    2. Tim Dubya

      Tim Dubya

      Or as we say in Radstock:

       

      I'm not a pheasant plucker

       

      I'm a pheasant plucker's mate

       

      I'm only plucking pheasants

       

      'cos the pheasant plucker's late.

       

      Now repeat as fast as you can.

       

    3. bgman

      bgman

      Repeeeeeeeet

      Repeeeeeeeet

      Repeeeeeeeet

      Repeeeeeeeet

      Repeeeeeeeet

      Dry throat ...... More cider please :)

    4. Tim Dubya

      Tim Dubya

      I'm still waiting for the call. Don't worry, once I'm appointed (and we win the next election). Cider will be available FoC for dry (and sore) throats.

  14. Just had a brexit - all sides were unanimous in voting "I wouldn't go in there for 10 minutes"...

    1. Show previous comments  22 more
    2. Captain Kernow
    3. Porcy Mane

      Porcy Mane

      She's still driving a crap car then. I told her to buy a Renault.

    4. Captain Kernow

      Captain Kernow

      Milford Haven.

  15. ####, just woke up and realised TRUMP IS HERE!

    1. Show previous comments  8 more
    2. Mallard60022

      Mallard60022

      The Wig Party might be a better choice?

    3. Tim Hall

      Tim Hall

      He thinks Scotland voted to leave...

    4. Tim Dubya

      Tim Dubya

      They have, they're hiding in Northumberland until he leaves

  16. 'tis lucky I had the foresight to repair the wheel barrow. I'll be needing that to fill with worthless currency to wheel up to Sainsburys in exchange for a loaf of bread...

    1. Show previous comments  9 more
    2. Captain Kernow

      Captain Kernow

      Just goes to show how obedient the readers of certain 'newspapers' are.

    3. Horsetan

      Horsetan

      Holiday in Zimbabwe, anyone!?

    4. Sasquatch

      Sasquatch

      There's a positive side to everything. At least I can afford oo stuff with my dollars now!

  17. Crikey, I'm a foreigner!

    1. Show previous comments  4 more
    2. HeeleyBridge

      HeeleyBridge

      Loose the whippets Smithers.

    3. rembrow

      rembrow

      Get off my land!!

    4. Porcy Mane

      Porcy Mane

      Get outta my cuntry.

  18. #movingtoscotlandandvotingleave

    1. Horsetan

      Horsetan

      32-County Ireland here we come!

  19. Yay! now a new hospital can be built every week (because politicians don't lie - do they)

  20. So you know, as the OP I asked for the Jo Cox thread to be locked.

  21. is once again contemplating tea... I think today will see an Indish to finally use up Sunday's leftovers.

  22. is still doing battle with Sunday's curry...

    1. Show previous comments  4 more
    2. Ian J.

      Ian J.

      Only John Major did that (allegedly)

    3. NHY 581

      NHY 581

      I strongly recommend caution....

    4. Barry O

      Barry O

      beat mine 2-1... I think...

  23. is focusing his chi in preparation for building the mother of all curries.

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