Christmas Day Stress.

[Sidecar Racer]

Just in case anyone is stressing about Christmas Day..............!

Here's my top tip

Christmas Dinner....

I have concluded that the inevitable stress of Christmas dinner is created by adverts, supermarkets and TV chefs...

It's a Sunday dinner for goodness sake!!! We do it quite happily 51 weeks of the year but can we the consumers be trusted to manage by ourselves on one day of the year...apparently not!

Here goes...

1. Turkey... It's a big fecking chicken that's all, 20 minutes per lb plus 20 minutes at 180 degrees - jobs a good un! Get yourselves a meat thermometer £3 off the Internet poke it in the offending bird if it says 75 degrees or over its cooked!

2. Stuffing - regardless of what Jamie Oliver says you do NOT need 2lbs of shoulder of pork, onions breadcrumbs,pine nuts and a **** load of fresh herbs to make stuffing....( no fecking wonder he's bankrupt if thats what he spends to make stuffing!)
What you need is Paxo and a kettle!! If you wanna liven it up squeeze 3 sausages out of their skins and mix that in with your Paxo before cooking

3. Gravy - Jamie Oliver is copping for this one aswell....
Bisto Jamie.... All you need is Bisto!

I ( nor any other man or woman I know) has got time on Christmas Eve to p*$$ about roasting chicken wings and vegetables, adding stock and flour,cooking it for another half hour, mashing it all up with a potato masher and then straining the whole sorry mess to make gravy

4. Vegetables... Never mind faffing round shredding sprouts and frying them with bacon and chestnuts to make them more palatable... If you don't like them don't buy and cook the fecking things!! If your family only eats frozen peas then that's good enough!

5. Roast potatoes... Yes I par boil mine then roast them in goose fat but Aunt Bessie also does the same

6. Trimmings /Christmas pudding and the like.... Aldi or Lidl!

(oh and while we're on the subject of pudding- if birds custard is what your family likes on the wretched thing then that's fine - you do not need brandy butter /rum sauce etc or anything else that costs a fecking fortune and takes 2 hours to make!)

7. Family....
Children.. Feed the little blighters first separately, if they only want turkey with tomato sauce - fine leave em to it, it doesn't matter. Once they are fed them off to play with their Christmas presents so that YOU can enjoy your dinner in Peace!
Adults... Anyone that can manage to get their sorry a*** to your dinner table is also capable of helping to serve up/ sort the kids out/ clear the table /wash up /dry up etc.

And Finally.....
NO ONE.... And I mean no one APART FROM THE COOK IS ALLOWED TO GET PISSED AND FALL ASLEEP BEFORE THE WASHING UP IS DONE!!!
Rant over
Merry Christmas!

[Kingzance]

14 minutes ago, Sidecar Racer said:

Just in case anyone is stressing about Christmas Day..............!

Here's my top tip

Christmas Dinner....

I have concluded that the inevitable stress of Christmas dinner is created by adverts, supermarkets and TV chefs...

It's a Sunday dinner for goodness sake!!! We do it quite happily 51 weeks of the year but can we the consumers be trusted to manage by ourselves on one day of the year...apparently not!

Here goes...

1. Turkey... It's a big fecking chicken that's all, 20 minutes per lb plus 20 minutes at 180 degrees - jobs a good un! Get yourselves a meat thermometer £3 off the Internet poke it in the offending bird if it says 75 degrees or over its cooked!

2. Stuffing - regardless of what Jamie Oliver says you do NOT need 2lbs of shoulder of pork, onions breadcrumbs,pine nuts and a **** load of fresh herbs to make stuffing....( no fecking wonder he's bankrupt if thats what he spends to make stuffing!)
What you need is Paxo and a kettle!! If you wanna liven it up squeeze 3 sausages out of their skins and mix that in with your Paxo before cooking

3. Gravy - Jamie Oliver is copping for this one aswell....
Bisto Jamie.... All you need is Bisto!

I ( nor any other man or woman I know) has got time on Christmas Eve to p*$$ about roasting chicken wings and vegetables, adding stock and flour,cooking it for another half hour, mashing it all up with a potato masher and then straining the whole sorry mess to make gravy

4. Vegetables... Never mind faffing round shredding sprouts and frying them with bacon and chestnuts to make them more palatable... If you don't like them don't buy and cook the fecking things!! If your family only eats frozen peas then that's good enough!

5. Roast potatoes... Yes I par boil mine then roast them in goose fat but Aunt Bessie also does the same

6. Trimmings /Christmas pudding and the like.... Aldi or Lidl!

(oh and while we're on the subject of pudding- if birds custard is what your family likes on the wretched thing then that's fine - you do not need brandy butter /rum sauce etc or anything else that costs a fecking fortune and takes 2 hours to make!)

7. Family....
Children.. Feed the little blighters first separately, if they only want turkey with tomato sauce - fine leave em to it, it doesn't matter. Once they are fed them off to play with their Christmas presents so that YOU can enjoy your dinner in Peace!
Adults... Anyone that can manage to get their sorry a*** to your dinner table is also capable of helping to serve up/ sort the kids out/ clear the table /wash up /dry up etc.

And Finally.....
NO ONE.... And I mean no one APART FROM THE COOK IS ALLOWED TO GET PISSED AND FALL ASLEEP BEFORE THE WASHING UP IS DONE!!!
Rant over
Merry Christmas!

That isn't funny Mike, it is a brilliant philosophy!

And a very good one to you.

[Sidecar Racer]

3 minutes ago, Kingzance said:

That isn't funny Mike, it is a brilliant philosophy!

And a very good one to you.

 

 I can't claim originality for it , but it did strike me as a not only being funny but

also as a good way of managing the big day .

[Oldddudders]

Well done, Mike. Originality or otherwise is unimportant for such an on-target treatise.

 

Sherry and I are Christmas-lunching at a hotel...... 

[Paul Cram]

Rum sauce is just a sweet white sauce with rum. 20 mins max.

[SM42]

It's alright for some. We're a whole day ahead here at SM42 towers.

 

Christmas Eve stress, (well not that much really, most was yesterday for Mrs SM42, cooking 3 diffferent cakes, preparing carp and making three different soups.)  I will be helping out later with the only job she trusts me to do; cutting out potato pastry circles. Cutting mat and Swan Morton at the ready )  Meanwhle I am on standby for dashing to the shop for things that have been forgotten. One of the advantages  of doing it all a day earlier than  most.

 

Having said that Mrs SM42 takes it all in her stride with little fuss and fluster. I become chef's runner and drinks server and most of it is now just a reheat job later today.

 

Tomorrow is for leftovers.

 

I think the reason Christmas is so stressful for many is that you cater for more people than normal,  the perception / expectation that something out of the ordinary needs to be presented and there is no real chance of popping out for supplies on Christmas Day.

The stress starts with the food shopping.  If you ain't got it on the day, you ain't going to have it, so everyone buys everything they think they could possibly need and the  pressure is on to use it not waste it.

 

As the OP says, all you need (unless you are in a Polish household) is meat  and veg +  a few drinks and the ingredients for a nice cup of tea.  KISS is a very good philosophy.

 

One thing you can do to make it all less painful is not try and cook a banquet for 500. Cook just enough for everyone. 

 

Who needs to eat for 10 minutes before they find the plate?

 

 

Andy

[Kylestrome]

In Germany we get "Heiligabend" stress, on Christmas eve, but the up-side is that we get to relax when you lot (in the UK) are getting stressed. 

 

Merry Christmas / Bah, humbug!* to you all,

David

 

*Delete as appropriate

[Phil Bullock]

It hasnt been publicised but Aunt Bessie must have discovered the elixir of life

 

Look how she was - your grey haired maiden old aunt

 

https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&ved=2ahUKEwim3vH1lc7mAhXEy4UKHXtlC6EQjRx6BAgBEAQ&url=%2Furl%3Fsa%3Di%26source%3Dimages%26cd%3D%26ved%3D2ahUKEwjN3Zrtlc7mAhUBJBoKHRmNDqIQjRx6BAgBEAQ%26url%3Dhttps%3A%2F%2Fcraponaplate.wordpress.com%2F2012%2F05%2F07%2F28%2F%26psig%3DAOvVaw22eX3alDfBksFvvzmORt7a%26ust%3D1577272972887700&psig=AOvVaw22eX3alDfBksFvvzmORt7a&ust=1577272972887700

 

And now - your comely buxom 20 years younger aunt!

 

https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&ved=2ahUKEwjwgr6tls7mAhUL8xQKHXZBAboQjRx6BAgBEAQ&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.telegraph.co.uk%2Ffinance%2Fnewsbysector%2Fretailandconsumer%2F12046243%2FMeet-the-man-behind-Aunt-Bessies.html&psig=AOvVaw22eX3alDfBksFvvzmORt7a&ust=1577272972887700

 

Look out for renewed youthfullness amongst RMWebbers who follow SR's ethos.... I know we will...

[34theletterbetweenB&D]

No stress here. I am still at Medieval Christmas, good beef, grilled (the true 'roast beef of Olde England'). A minute either side for my fillet steak, accompanied by the innovation of a bowl of chips. That'll do very nicely.

[gwrrob]

Is it too early to put the sprouts on yet.....

[APOLLO]

 

Merry cooking, eating and go easy on the bottle(s) !!!!!

 

Brit15

[Simon G]

46 minutes ago, Paul Cram said:

Rum sauce is just a sweet white sauce with rum. 20 mins max.

 

10 minutes in the microwave!  The beauty of doing it in the microwave is that it doesn’t all stick to the bottom of the pan (but does need to be watched so that it doesnt boil over).

 

I, as the main cook at Christmas, fully support the idea of me falling asleep before the rest of the clan have washed up!

[woodenhead]

You're all wrong, Christmas Day happened last Saturday.

 

We had family round, big turkey dinner, presents exchanged and jollity - we've done this a few times now as eldest son works on Christmas day and in laws can go to my brother in law's where the kids are still young.

 

In fact it was so convincing I actually forgot it was the 21st not the 25th.

 

So it meant yesterday I popped out for a bag of carrots and some fine beans for the remaining veg for the roast beef we'll be eating at 'tea' time tomorrow after having spent the day strolling around a country park.

 

Last week's stress all forgotten (work and a broken fridge freezer) and all relaxed this week.  

 

No last minute panic, no issues with a turkey delivery and no crowds.

 

Only thing I need to get from the sales is a new fridge freezer and I can do the hard part from my home office.

[Kingzance]

13 minutes ago, woodenhead said:

You're all wrong, Christmas Day happened last Saturday.

 

We had family round, big turkey dinner, presents exchanged and jollity - we've done this a few times now as eldest son works on Christmas day and in laws can go to my brother in law's where the kids are still young.

 

In fact it was so convincing I actually forgot it was the 21st not the 25th.

 

So it meant yesterday I popped out for a bag of carrots and some fine beans for the remaining veg for the roast beef we'll be eating at 'tea' time tomorrow after having spent the day strolling around a country park.

 

Last week's stress all forgotten (work and a broken fridge freezer) and all relaxed this week.  

 

No last minute panic, no issues with a turkey delivery and no crowds.

 

Only thing I need to get from the sales is a new fridge freezer and I can do the hard part from my home office.

Very good to hear your work issues were resolved, the fridge restored to operate at least for a few more days / weeks and that you will be enjoying roast beef tomorrow. Can I send No1 Grandson round as he prefers beef to turkey - the bird that SWMBO's traditional outlook insists we eat? Enjoy!

[woodenhead]

Just now, Kingzance said:

Very good to hear your work issues were resolved, the fridge restored to operate at least for a few more days / weeks and that you will be enjoying roast beef tomorrow. Can I send No1 Grandson round as he prefers beef to turkey - the bird that SWMBO's traditional outlook insists we eat? Enjoy!

Fridge gave up again on fake Christmas day, it seems one night with a turkey in it's belly was too much, temperature steadily rising so last night we turned it off.

 

Would never have got a turkey into the 'spare' fridge so fake Christmas again delivered as I didn't have to worry about storage (could even have bought on the day if I had too!!)

 

Replacement options identified, just want to check on prices come Boxing day then order will be placed.

 

I've learnt to view these incidents as tests sent by the universe to teach me patience and contentment, much like the lady arguing at Costa last week over a meal deal and holding me up for 15 minutes whilst she hogged the only till.

[Kingzance]

23 minutes ago, Simon G said:

 

10 minutes in the microwave!  The beauty of doing it in the microwave is that it doesn’t all stick to the bottom of the pan (but does need to be watched so that it doesnt boil over).

 

I, as the main cook at Christmas, fully support the idea of me falling asleep before the rest of the clan have washed up!

SWMBO's taste buds are not that well attuned to rum so she does tend to do a few extra glugs for good measure. At least we old folks are the only ones who eat Christmas Pud so the little dears don't get p!ssed out of their skulls on Grandma's Rum Sauce. You sir are clearly of my persuasion regarding the cooking too - I'd rather be in the background, contentedly creating the meal whilst No1 granddaughter plies me with the odd mean G&T. I carve the bird and all grandkids sneak round for a few Chef's Perks, SWMBO then takes over and arranges the spoils on the table and where each will be seated. Son & Son-In-Law are usually tasked with the clear up as the effects of the pre-dinner drinks, the wine with the meal and SWMBO's rum sauce have an impact on KZ. Have a good one.

[Nick C]

1 hour ago, SM42 said:

It's alright for some. We're a whole day ahead here at SM42 towers.

 

Christmas Eve stress, (well not that much really, most was yesterday for Mrs SM42, cooking 3 diffferent cakes, preparing carp and making three different soups.)  I will be helping out later with the only job she trusts me to do; cutting out potato pastry circles. Cutting mat and Swan Morton at the ready )  Meanwhle I am on standby for dashing to the shop for things that have been forgotten. One of the advantages  of doing it all a day earlier than  most.

 

Having said that Mrs SM42 takes it all in her stride with little fuss and fluster. I become chef's runner and drinks server and most of it is now just a reheat job later today.

 

Tomorrow is for leftovers.

 

I think the reason Christmas is so stressful for many is that you cater for more people than normal,  the perception / expectation that something out of the ordinary needs to be presented and there is no real chance of popping out for supplies on Christmas Day.

The stress starts with the food shopping.  If you ain't got it on the day, you ain't going to have it, so everyone buys everything they think they could possibly need and the  pressure is on to use it not waste it.

 

As the OP says, all you need (unless you are in a Polish household) is meat  and veg +  a few drinks and the ingredients for a nice cup of tea.  KISS is a very good philosophy.

 

One thing you can do to make it all less painful is not try and cook a banquet for 500. Cook just enough for everyone. 

 

Who needs to eat for 10 minutes before they find the plate?

 

 

Andy

We're doing both! Mrs C is making a cut down version of the traditional Polish meal tonight (only two of us, so the full 12 dishes would be excessive), and I'm doing the English one tomorrow... 

 

I've got it all planned with timings, after all it's just a normal roast with a couple of extras.

[ColinK]

Stress, what stress. We go out for the day probably for a walk by the sea; when back home, stick a chilled lasagne in the oven and steam a few veg. Microwave pud from Aldi and its all over.

[Damo666]

5 hours ago, Sidecar Racer said:

Here's my top tip

Christmas Dinner....

Adults... Anyone that can manage to get their sorry a*** to your dinner table is also capable of helping to serve up/ sort the kids out/ clear the table /wash up /dry up etc.

And Finally.....
NO ONE.... And I mean no one APART FROM THE COOK IS ALLOWED TO GET PISSED AND FALL ASLEEP BEFORE THE WASHING UP IS DONE!!!
Rant over
Merry Christmas!

 

Oh yeah, with you on that one.

 

For the past 12 Christmases in a row my wife and I have had between 7 to 14 visitors over Christmas. Note I didn't say guests for Christmas Dinner, nope. visitors staying.

Most ever was Christmas dinner for 18 (us 4, both father-in-laws, brother/sister-in-law and their families).

Longest stay was when we had the other sister/brother-in-law etc plus both father-in-laws from 22nd Dec to 2nd Jan. Then I went back to work on the 3rd. TOO MUCH!

 

But last year took the biscuit.

25th everyone else was happily playing with their presents, assembling objects, chatting, drinking, having fun whilst my wife & I couldn't get any help in the kitchen, with setting the table, getting the drinks for everyone, serving up. The phrase 'herding cats' comes to mind. And when the meal was over all the guests slumped in front of the telly and left 90% of the tidying up to us!

 

So this year it's just my wife and 2 children,

By ourselves

Enjoying our company

Talking to each other and sharing conversations (I hope)

Sharing the experience of opening the presents.

 

Might be too lonely compared to the last 12 years, but I'm willing to give it a try.

[Rugd1022]

Pot Noodle + cranberry sauce = more room for Toblerone and assorted 'falling down liquid' based beverages. Not hard is it...? 

[Tim V]

My wife moans about my workshop - says it's a garage to put her car in. One Christmas, I was opening the oven door - which fell off in my hands. The hinge was broken.

 

I looked in the usual places on ebay - couldn't find a new hinge for sale anywhere.

 

So I set to work on the lathe and made a new hinge on Boxing Day.

 

Christmas stress over, brownie points galore, and less moaning about my workshop.

[APOLLO]

   It was Christmas Day in the workhouse,
        The season of good cheer,
        Their hearts were full of gladness,
        And their bellies were full of beer.
        The pompous workhouse master
        As he strode about the halls,
        He wished them a "Merry Christmas!"
        And the paupers answered "Balls!"
        This angered the workhouse master,
        And he swore by all the gods
        They'd get no Christmas pudding,
        The dirty rotten sods.
        Then up stood a hardened old pauper,
        A veteran of Khyber Pass;
        "You can take your Christmas pudding,
        And stuff it up your asse"

[The Stationmaster]

The ultimate Christmas - about 20 or more years ago when we were in our previous house and the raving p*llock down the road had so many lights and illuminated prancing reindeer and electric santas stuck on his chimney stack he blew the mains cable, it went at about 08.00 so fortunately just before the main items went in the oven (yes, the electric oven).

 

So 'Christmas Dinner' consisted of some nice bread, an excellent piece of  Stilton and some really fierce Cheddar, pickled onions and homemade chutney,  plus some French stuff they call cheese and various savoury biscuits plus what turned out to be a top rate Chateau Neuf du Pape followed by the ready assembled trifle which just need the finishing coating of whipped cream.  No telly, not much washing-up, people actually had to talk to each other and the power finally came back on at about 19.00 after strenuous efforts from the poor s*ds who had to dig down to the break and re-route a fresh bit of cable round it;  they made quite a mess of the bloke's front garden, fortunately.

 

Oh and we had our 'Christmas Dinner' on Boxing Day.

[APOLLO]

I'll raise a glass of Wye valley "Butty Bach" premium ale (Nowt French in our 'ouse !!) to all those poor s*ds that work over Christmas keeping our lights on, gas and water flowing,especially those who work in health, police, fire, ambulance, armed forces, etc etc. Been there, done that, now retired !!

 

Brit15

 

 

 

 

[Torper]

Times have changed - and not for the better.  This year we've got family round for Christmas, and there will be 6 of us for dinner.  I'm the very stressed cook.  Only six, so why stressed?  Well, modern life has led to a situation where rather than everyone happily tucking in as used to happen, we now have two vegans, two vegetarians, and two "normal" people (my wife and I).  The vegans don't like their food going into the same oven as ours in case turkey fat should splash onto it ( a very remote chance).  The vegetarians detest vegan food almost as much as they detest ours.  I like roast turkey and am damned if I'm going to be force to eat veggie food in my own house on Christmas Day.  So three different meals, with just a few common common factors.  And as for puddings......   Bah Bl***y Humbug!

 

DT