RMweb Gold big jim Posted January 8, 2015 RMweb Gold Share Posted January 8, 2015 I think this guy should do the lottery!! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanuts Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 (edited) only int north Edited January 8, 2015 by peanuts 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold big jim Posted January 12, 2015 RMweb Gold Share Posted January 12, 2015 this made me laugh this morning, not so much the story (its fox news after all) but the reaction to it on twitter http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-30773297 loving the kerrang one! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium jbqfc Posted January 15, 2015 RMweb Premium Share Posted January 15, 2015 (edited) Al murray for PM http://www.hellou.co.uk/2015/01/watch-al-murrays-pledge-announces-hell-taking-nigel-farage-general-election-33303/ Edited January 15, 2015 by jbqfc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shortliner Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adams442T Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 At this time of year it's nice to see Robins amongst the Branches............. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raymw Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 I can do none of this ... http://safeshare.tv/w/MRMDIWCFec Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold grandadbob Posted January 16, 2015 RMweb Gold Share Posted January 16, 2015 A Regional Police Officer was patrolling late at night off the main highway. At nearly midnight, he sees a couple in a car In lovers' lane, with the interior light brightly glowing. He carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a young woman In the rear seat, filing her fingernails. Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's window. The young man lowers his window. 'Uh, yes, Officer'? The cop asks: 'What are you doing?' The young man says: 'Well, Officer, I'm reading a magazine.' Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the cop says: 'And, her, what is she doing?' The young man shrugs: 'Sir, I believe she's filing her fingernails.' Now, the police officer is totally confused. A young couple, alone, in a car, at night in a lover's lane and nothing obscene is happening! The cop asks: 'What's your age, young man?' The young man says: 'I'm 22, sir.' The cop then asks: 'And her, what's her age?' The young man looks at his watch and replies: 'She'll be 18 in 11 minutes.' 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold big jim Posted January 16, 2015 RMweb Gold Share Posted January 16, 2015 In the restraunt earlier i was settling up the bill and using up some if my meal allowance by buying some soft drinks to take home for the kids, i told the girl behind the counter i'd like half a dozen 'capri suns' She just looked at me puzzled before saying "how many is half a dozen?" ......Things that make you laugh or cry (with despair!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Captain Kernow Posted January 16, 2015 RMweb Gold Share Posted January 16, 2015 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Enterprisingwestern Posted January 17, 2015 RMweb Gold Share Posted January 17, 2015 photo.jpg I would post a disagree but that would be unfair, but in my experience the mans side seems a little on the capacious side! Mike. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium kevinlms Posted January 21, 2015 RMweb Premium Share Posted January 21, 2015 Went past a local entertainment centre, today. Outside was a big sign Clairvoyant Coming Soon! No photo as driving past. I suppose no need to advertise the date(s) in advance, People hopefully already know! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Ramblin Rich Posted January 21, 2015 RMweb Gold Share Posted January 21, 2015 Went past a local entertainment centre, today. Outside was a big sign Clairvoyant Coming Soon! No photo as driving past. I suppose no need to advertise the date(s) in advance, People hopefully already know! Wait for the next announcement "Cancelled due to unforseen circumstances"! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold teaky Posted January 21, 2015 RMweb Gold Share Posted January 21, 2015 I'd much rather see "Clairvoyant arrested for fraud". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horsetan Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 I'd much rather see "Clairvoyant arrested for fraud". I bet (s)he didn't see that coming. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shortliner Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a saloon and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said "Who owns the big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, "I do....Why?" The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you’d like to know that your horse is about dead outside!" The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better." Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe" and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the saloon to finish his drink. A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, "I do, what's wrong with him this time?" (..I JUST LOVE THIS PART....) "Nothing, but you left your injun runnin!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PGC Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 I just love the ability to cross post this one! To me, this is touch of irony. Phil Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium newbryford Posted January 21, 2015 RMweb Premium Share Posted January 21, 2015 Cheers, Mick 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Downendian Posted January 24, 2015 RMweb Gold Share Posted January 24, 2015 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shortliner Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for the church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services: -------------------------- The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. -------------------------- Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. -------------------------- The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water. ‘The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.' -------------------------- Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. -------------------------- Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. -------------------------- Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. -------------------------- For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. -------------------------- Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get. -------------------------- Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. -------------------------- A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.. -------------------------- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice. -------------------------- Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. -------------------------- The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. -------------------------- Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow. -------------------------- The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. -------------------------- This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. -------------------------- The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. -------------------------- Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door. -------------------------- The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM .. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. -------------------------- Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. -------------------------- And this one just about sums them all up The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trisonic Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Hmmm, they must have used iMacs, Jack....... Best, Pete. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ozexpatriate Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for the church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services: Full of gracious hostility, this post deserves the following round of applause: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PGC Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 It was raining hard and a big puddle had formed in front of an Irish pub.An old man stood beside the puddle holding a stick with a string on the end and jiggled it up and down in the water. A curious gentleman asked what he was doing. 'Fishing,' replied the old man.'Poor old fool' thought the gentleman, so he invited the old man to have a drink in the pub. Feeling he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whisky, the gentleman asked, 'And how many have you caught?' 'You're the eighth.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold The Stationmaster Posted January 30, 2015 RMweb Gold Share Posted January 30, 2015 Extract from a report in our local paper concerning noise from aircraft turning overhead onto heading for a landing at LHR - 'Jxxx Xxxxx of xxxxxxxxxxxRoad said she was disturbed by the sound of the planes' air brakes as they turned. She said: "It was awful in November. You could see the next plane coming before you lost sight or sound of the previous one. It wasn't just the fact that there was engine noise - you would hear a loud scream which I presume was the air brakes being applied. You can put up with that sort of thing every once in a while but you really notice it when it's constant over several days. We need to understand why all these planes should turn over our town rather than open countryside, where it would not affect such a large population, and whether it can be changed." Obviously the poor lady rues the day vacuum brakes ceased to be used! But that apart if she bothered to actually watch the aircraft 'passing overhead' she would notice that most of them already turn over open country and they turn onto the LHR landing flightpath at several different places due to both size and getting the correct separation for landing - maybe she should get a copy of Flight Radar? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pointstaken Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Like the poor, the ignorant and stoopid will always be with us. Dennis Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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