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The Forum Jokes Thread


Colin_McLeod
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Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

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8 hours ago, tomparryharry said:

"Did you enjoy the Coronation?

 

"Oh yes! We had it over fruit salad, pineapple & peach slices!

 

" I think you mean Coronation, not Carnation....."

It was always known as 'Libby's' in my gran's house.

Always served directly from the tin.

Bernard

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17 hours ago, PhilJ W said:

The snippets that I saw of the Coronation the king had a face as long as a wet week. It makes me wonder if the Archbishop of Canterbury didn't  let the anointing oil run down his neck.

 

I think he realised the absolute magnitude of the journey he has begun. I'd guess the training is only so good, until he's faced with the real thing. 

 

Best wishes to him. 

 

"Right! I've been training for this task for 60 years.!"

 

"Righto, your Majesty!  Here's the enclosure! Inside is a hungry lion, and here is your plastic spoon....."

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It seemed that even the Arch-Bishop of Canterbury was struggling with the crown... it seemed that the first time he put it on Charles head he couldn't get the thread to start, but luckily on the second try it did and screwed down properly....

 

Would have been better to have a proper crown-top Crown?

 

Andy G

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3 hours ago, uax6 said:

It seemed that even the Arch-Bishop of Canterbury was struggling with the crown... it seemed that the first time he put it on Charles head he couldn't get the thread to start, but luckily on the second try it did and screwed down properly....

 

Would have been better to have a proper crown-top Crown?

 

Andy G

Leftie loosey, righty tighty!

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Just now, andytrains said:

It would not be looking so relaxed if it knew it's fate!

image.png.b4f515d1e5f104163a854454ad7c5c7c.png

 

They claimed it was called "Buffy" but I expect it will end up being "Charles I"!

 

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40 minutes ago, steve1 said:

 

That looks like something the cat threw up.

 

steve 

But you're a Yorkie, so everything your several county's supplies, food-wise, is of similar elk!

Apart from the Black Pud!🤪

Edited by andytrains
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2 minutes ago, andytrains said:

But you're a Yorkie, so everything your several county's supplies, food-wise, is of similar elk!

 

Hey, I quite like Yorkshire Pudding with a curry sauce. I got the taste for it in Yorkshire.  IIRC it was a pub in Beverley. It might have been the Kings Head.

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24 minutes ago, andytrains said:

But you're a Yorkie, so everything your several county's supplies, food-wise, is of similar elk!

Apart from the Black Pud!🤪

The nearest thing to black pud is  German blutwurst

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1 hour ago, aardvark said:

Beware of ads that promise to reach you to read maps backwards.

 

It’s just spam.

It's funny, but the typo (auto correct?), makes it harder to work out!

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11 hours ago, andytrains said:

But you're a Yorkie, so everything your several county's supplies, food-wise, is of similar elk!

Apart from the Black Pud!🤪

 

They don't have elk in Yorkshire...  And Black Pudding isn't a Yorkshire peculiar either!

 

 

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14 hours ago, Steamport Southport said:

it's just a very mild creamy chicken curry. Usually eaten cold on sandwiches or salads.

 

You can get it in supermarkets in the meal deals.

 

Mix 1tsp curry powder with some mayonnaise to taste, mix in chicken, done.

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1 hour ago, luckymucklebackit said:

 

Mix 1tsp curry powder with some mayonnaise to taste, mix in chicken, done.

 

A more comprehensive recipe* for Coronation Chicken   

 

I made a batch last week from this using generic mayonnaise.  Most acceptable!

 

* Caution. Contains product placement...

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Ahhhh...the French....
When Charles de Gaulle decided to retire from public life, the British ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honour.
At the dinner table, the Ambassador's wife was talking with Madame de Gaulle:
"Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a presence on the French and international scene for so many years! How quiet retirement will seem in comparison?
What are you most looking forward to in these retirement years?"
"A ," replied Madame de Gaulle.
A huge hush fell over the table. Everyone heard her answer...... and no one
knew what to say next.
Le Grand Charles leaned over to his wife and said:
"Ma cherie, I believe ze English pronounce zat word, "appiness!'"

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Why is April the cleanest month? April showers.

 

What kind of bow can't be tied? A rainbow.

 

What can run fast, but can't walk? Water.

 

What can fall without getting hurt, and pour but is not a jug or decanter? Rain.

 

What goes up when the rain comes down? An umbrella.

 

How does spring end? With a G.

 

What has to be broken before you can use it? An egg.

 

What do you call a rabbit that loves these riddles? A funny bunny.

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1 minute ago, Tangoman69 said:

"A p@n1s ," replied Madame de Gaulle.

"Ma cherie, I believe ze English pronounce zat word, "appiness!'"

 

And to think that Ken Dodd got banned in some places for singing a song like that.

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