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The Forum Jokes Thread


Colin_McLeod
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Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

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Hi,

 

A lot of contemporary pop groups could (should?) take a lead from Cage!

 

If we download it enough, could we get it to the Christmas number one spot?  It sure would be an improvement!

 

Regards,

 

Alex.

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Hi,

 

A lot of contemporary pop groups could (should?) take a lead from Cage!

 

If we download it enough, could we get it to the Christmas number one spot? It sure would be an improvement!

 

Regards,

 

Alex.

That would actually be hilarious, seeing Steve Wright try and play that on Radio 2 xD
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Hi,

 

A lot of contemporary pop groups could (should?) take a lead from Cage!

 

If we download it enough, could we get it to the Christmas number one spot?  It sure would be an improvement!

 

Regards,

 

Alex.

 

One of the Goons' records had one of their silly songs on one side. On the other side the label said "There is nothing on this side." If anyone played the record, they got several minutes of silence followed by the voice of Henry Crun saying "I told you there was nothing on this side...."

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Jamiel

A BBC sketch show, probably in the 60s, showed a briefing of RAF pilots before flight. The officer said "We're sorry about the old maps, but your target is here, below the "G"  in "Visigoth".

 

(Approx. Don't remember the show.)

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One of the Goons' records had one of their silly songs on one side. On the other side the label said "There is nothing on this side." If anyone played the record, they got several minutes of silence followed by the voice of Henry Crun saying "I told you there was nothing on this side...."

 

I would imagine that from looking at the grooves you could see that it consisted of silence followed by something.

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I would imagine that from looking at the grooves you could see that it consisted of silence followed by something.

I have a record by the Bubblemen (a Love And Rockets spin-off). Side two is called the B-side and is a recording of a hive of bees buzzing away

 

https://www.discogs.com/The-Bubblemen-The-Bubblemen-Rap/release/1091524

 

Andi

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Hi Folks,

 

To be fair this one is better spoken than written.

 

Q.

 

How many grooves are there on one side of an LP record ?

 

 

 

 

 

A.

 

One.

There used to be a horse racing betting LP, that had many grooves each time it was played the needle would go a different way giving loads of different results.

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I have a record by the Bubblemen (a Love And Rockets spin-off). Side two is called the B-side and is a recording of a hive of bees buzzing away

 

https://www.discogs.com/The-Bubblemen-The-Bubblemen-Rap/release/1091524

 

Andi

 

There is a Joe Jackson double LP which is only recorded on 3 sides, can't remember which one.

 

Mike.

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There used to be a horse racing betting LP, that had many grooves each time it was played the needle would go a different way giving loads of different results.

As the jockey who finished 2nd said, 'I could have beaten the winning horse. Not so sure about the one who finished 3rd'!

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Historians in Ireland have discovered what they believe to be the headstone of the oldest ever living man. He was 193 and his name was Miles from Dublin

 

And on a Christmas note -----

 

God rest you merry gentlemen,
Let none of you diss May !!
 
Brit15
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Hi Folks,

 

To be fair this one is better spoken than written.

 

Q.

 

How many grooves are there on one side of an LP record ?

 

 

A.

 

One.

Unless of course it is Monty Python's 3 sided record. 2 grooves on 1 side.

 

Or depending on the age of the record, the innermost end was technically a separate and deeper groove to keep the stylus from wandering.

Edited by AndrewC
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I don't bloody believe it. 13 weeks until pancake Day and the shops are selling eggs, flour and lemons already !

Do not laugh! I was in a local supermarket yesterday and they had a display of packs of hot cross buns. A case of someone getting their festivals mixed up?

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Do not laugh! I was in a local supermarket yesterday and they had a display of packs of hot cross buns. A case of someone getting their festivals mixed up?

I can't wait for christmas, then I can start buying Cadburys Creme Eggs.

 

Mike.

Do not laugh! I was in a local supermarket yesterday and they had a display of packs of hot cross buns. A case of someone getting their festivals mixed up?

The local Morrisons and Tesco stores have had them available all year for the last few years. Nothing is a special treat anymore! Edited by Chris116
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A number of shops in South West London sell Cadbury's Creme Eggs all year round. I enjoyed two last week.

 

 

The local Morrisons and Tesco stores have had them available all year for the lest few years. Nothing is a special treat anymore!

 

Luxury.

They only appear out here after christmas, and then it's on a when they're gone they're gone basis, but stocks will be replenished on my visits back to England in January and February!

 

Mike.

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In a crowded city at a busy bus stop,

a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt.



As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on,

she became aware that her skirt was too tight

to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.



Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn’t.



So, a little more embarrassed,

she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more.

For the second time she attempted the step, and once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.



With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step.


About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and

placed her gently on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched,

“How dare you touch my body!

I don't even know who you are!”

The Texan smiled and drawled,

“Well, ma’am, normally I would agree with you,

but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends.”

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