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The Forum Jokes Thread


Colin_McLeod
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Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

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17 hours ago, KeithMacdonald said:

 

Did he mention the infra-red heater?

 

I have often wondered if anyone that has a loft layout and has a heater up there to warm the place up during the winter has been mistaken for a weed farmer.  I here one of the tell tale signs that drug cops look for is a roof with no snow when all others have cover.

 

Jim

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4 minutes ago, KeithMacdonald said:

A friend told me he was dating a girl who identified as a wheelie bin.
He didn’t know if he should take her out Thursday or Friday.

 

The info should be on the council website...  🤪

 

Edited by Hroth
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3 minutes ago, luckymucklebackit said:

 

I have often wondered if anyone that has a loft layout and has a heater up there to warm the place up during the winter has been mistaken for a weed farmer.  I here one of the tell tale signs that drug cops look for is a roof with no snow when all others have cover.

 

Jim

 

That used to mean that there was no loft insulation and the householder would be pestered by dodgy home improvement salespersons.

 

When its not been snowing the rozzers look for pigeons warming their bums all along the roof...

Honest guv! 🤪

 

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20 minutes ago, luckymucklebackit said:

I here one of the tell tale signs that drug cops look for is a roof with no snow when all others have cover.

 

I'm told that an night, or when there's no snow, helicopters or drones with infra-red cameras make such detection work much easier.

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On 12/11/2023 at 11:28, Ian J. said:

 

Now, you see, I actually like and far prefer the 1998 version. It had Jean Reno in it, took very valid pot shots at Americans who thought themselves superior, and had a more realistic Godzilla in that it didn't look like a man in a suit. Yes, it's a guilty pleasure, but I do enjoy it.

Also the surround sound was very good. Something that a lot of movies neglect because the director prefers to concentrate on visual effects. That was the problem I had with The Matrix. A collection of cute visual effects but when the opportunity arose for some stunning surround sound - the lobby scene - he totally fumbled it.

 

If you want to hear decent surround sound for a gun battle try the beach scene of Saving Private Ryan.

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On 23/11/2023 at 12:26, Steamport Southport said:

 

Totally agree. Should never have been posted.

 

It's blatantly obvious that post is mocking that accident. Why do you think it's trending on Facebook.....

No idea. Having never opened a Facebook account I have no idea what goes on on that platform. Your response here only serves to confirm the validity of my decision.

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57 minutes ago, Hroth said:

 

That used to mean that there was no loft insulation and the householder would be pestered by dodgy home improvement salespersons.

 

When its not been snowing the rozzers look for pigeons warming their bums all along the roof...

Honest guv! 🤪

 

There was a house close to Stapleton Rd Station that was like that. Birds flocking on the roof and never any frost or snow. Oh, and metal grills over the windows. No surprise when it was surrounded by Police vehicles early one morning.

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A year or two ago there was a story where the police thought they were raiding a cannabis farm only to find a room full of computers bitcoing mining. Even suspicious heat sources have got modernised!

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10 hours ago, luckymucklebackit said:

 

I have often wondered if anyone that has a loft layout and has a heater up there to warm the place up during the winter has been mistaken for a weed farmer.  I here one of the tell tale signs that drug cops look for is a roof with no snow when all others have cover.

 

Jim

And if you leave the heater on when you leave, you lecky bill goes through the roof.

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7 minutes ago, J. S. Bach said:

No, they would just migrate to all of the fire plugs. 😉

 

They'd find that difficult in the UK, our fire hydrants are safely located under cast iron flaps in the roadway.

 

Thats why dogs need to queue, just like everyone else!

 

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11 hours ago, KeithMacdonald said:

 

Good thing we've got letter boxes and telephone poles then?

 

At least they aren't connected to a water supply, most dogs aren't big enough to pee in the slot of a letterbox and the way things are going, telephone poles might be a disappearing feature of the landscape too...

 

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7 minutes ago, Hroth said:

 

At least they aren't connected to a water supply, most dogs aren't big enough to pee in the slot of a letterbox and the way things are going, telephone poles might be a disappearing feature of the landscape too...

Telephone poles aren't going anywhere, they'll just be supporting fibre optic runs instead of copper wires.

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