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Boris

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Status Updates posted by Boris

  1. Boris

    Great, my tablet thinks a Mink G should actually be "Minge"

    1. Show previous comments  8 more
    2. Ian J.

      Ian J.

      Expensive, those Ming Es...

    3. Sam Moss

      Sam Moss

      My eldest cat is called Minky which my phone always changes to "Kinky"

    4. Two_sugars

      Two_sugars

      You taught it well. .

  2. Boris

    International Star Wars Day and I have a trainee called Luke, this is going to be fun....

    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. bgman

      bgman

      You goin to show him how to use your light sabre ?

    3. Horsetan

      Horsetan

      Never heard it called that before!

    4. Tim Dubya

      Tim Dubya

      just use the (full) force

  3. Boris

    Does anybody know how to clean paint off a cat?

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. BoD

      BoD

      Tur-purrr-ntine of course.

    3. bgman

      bgman

      Blow torch ?

    4. Michael Delamar

      Michael Delamar

      Is it being chased by a skunk?

  4. Boris

    I've gone from a 46 inch waist to a 38 inch waist! I am less of a man than I was!

    1. Show previous comments  4 more
    2. Horsetan

      Horsetan

      What will you do with the leftover eight inches?

    3. BoD

      BoD

      Can you see your willy now?

    4. Horsetan

      Horsetan

      He will once he's added the eight inches to it.

  5. Boris

    That's it, I am starting a sit down nekkid protest

    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. waggy

      waggy

      Meat and two veg

    3. 11B

      11B

      Still, your not going to be alone for long... There will be that restaurant for that soon!!!

    4. Kev_Lewis

      Kev_Lewis

      What is Mrs Boris (not doubt rightfully) stopping you from doing now?

  6. Boris

    You kicked my heart in the nuts

    1. DougN

      DougN

      IS that what you think with?

  7. Boris

    My Dirtier Habits volume 39

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. bgman

      bgman

      We'll have Nun of that here !

    3. Huw Griffiths

      Huw Griffiths

      Too much information.

    4. Horsetan

      Horsetan

      Now That's What I Call Filthy 39?

  8. Boris

    Time for snu snu

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. bgman

      bgman

      What ! With a gnu gnu ?

    3. NGT6 1315

      NGT6 1315

      Do we really want to know what it's like to be snu-snued? oO

    4. big jim

      big jim

      the mind is willing but the flesh is bruised and spongy

  9. Boris

    Today I am going to be very very good.

    1. Show previous comments  6 more
    2. HeeleyBridge

      HeeleyBridge

      is running for the hills...

    3. Adams442T

      Adams442T

      Just when I thought it was safe to use the loo.....

    4. Captain Kernow

      Captain Kernow

      Arsenal.

  10. Boris

    stunkt

    1. Ian J.

      Ian J.

      Crealy?

  11. Boris

    Annnnnd my earlier status update once again demonstrates why you should log out of a public PC....

    1. Show previous comments  4 more
    2. Kev_Lewis

      Kev_Lewis

      That old excuse again ;-)

    3. KalKat

      KalKat

      Aaah... this one I assume ..http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-35863580

    4. KalKat

      KalKat

      .... I can imagine where you went with it ;)

  12. Boris

    That moment when people post "Where can I find a shop selling ponchos?" Answer: Google

    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. Mad McCann

      Mad McCann

      There's a man with a mullet going mad with a mallet in Millets...

    3. BoD

      BoD

      Millet's mad March mallet mauling.

    4. NGT6 1315

      NGT6 1315

      A platter of stale bread

  13. Boris

    Why do we need THREE threads about Flying Dustman? Ok one is locked, but even so, why not just give it an entire subforum for wibbling in.

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. bgman

      bgman

      Oh ! My Old Man's a Dustman

      He wears a dustmans hat

      He wears corblimey trousers

      Just for wIbbling in !

       

    3. Captain Kernow

      Captain Kernow

      What was this LNER?

    4. BoD

      BoD

      Wibbling? Has the frame gone again?

  14. Boris

    Really wish people would learn the difference in a group email between "Reply" and "Reply all", there are some things I do not need to know.

    1. Show previous comments  4 more
    2. NGT6 1315

      NGT6 1315

      Wonder if she said, "oh, f**k" when she noticed her mistake!

    3. Tim Dubya

      Tim Dubya

      I hope not, that would be rude. A less rude word would be "Gosh!", for example.

    4. BoD

      BoD

      Usually said 0.1 second after you have hit the send button.

  15. Boris

    Second figure commission started and they are Scotsman in kilts showing that the aren't wearing pants! Feels a bit odd filing a willy!

    1. Show previous comments  9 more
    2. Ian J.

      Ian J.

      Filing a willy? Is that how you keep them sorted so you can find them?

    3. Horsetan

      Horsetan

      I bet he's using a b*st*rd file.

    4. Mad McCann

      Mad McCann

      Brings a tear tae a gless eye...

  16. Boris

    It's official, I is now a professional model painter with commissions and a waiting list and everything!

    1. Show previous comments  9 more
    2. Kylestrome

      Kylestrome

      It's the "... and everything!" that worries me.

    3. trisonic

      trisonic

      Can we inspect your books?

       

      -Inland Revenue-

    4. Horsetan

      Horsetan

      Note that the word includes a "k", and not a second "b" :-D

  17. Boris

    I smell wibble

    1. Show previous comments  4 more
    2. Mallard60022

      Mallard60022

      I just have no sense and I think it smells like Teen Spirit.....

    3. Horsetan

      Horsetan

      You must be smelling "iak" nearby.

    4. Tim Dubya

      Tim Dubya

      'Smell' Wibble, you say?

       

      If 'tis true then you must be the 'Chosen One'.

       

      If not, you're talking shite as usual.

       

      Get to the pub lad!

  18. Boris

    Half a pound of cheese and a cold sausage

    1. Show previous comments  14 more
    2. NGT6 1315

      NGT6 1315

      Chuchichäschtli!

    3. petethemole

      petethemole

      http://memesvault.com/wp-content/uploads/Disappointed-Dog-Meme-09.jpg
    4. Horsetan

      Horsetan

      Christ Almighty.

  19. Boris

    The unmistakable whiff of mischief

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Horsetan

      Horsetan

      Does that mean Boris has been flatulent in a crowded train?

    3. NGT6 1315

      NGT6 1315

      Do you *really* want to know, Ivan?

    4. Horsetan

      Horsetan

      No, that was a rhetorical question.

  20. Boris

    Apparently we have two cats in this house, neither of which is called shithead!

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. thaddeus

      thaddeus

      same name as my dog..

    3. Castleacreshunter

      Castleacreshunter

      My dog is a mobile effluent dispenser.

    4. Captain Kernow

      Captain Kernow

      I trust that the poor cats have an equally apposite name for you then, sunshine!

  21. Boris

    More mischief!

    1. Show previous comments  7 more
    2. Stubby47

      Stubby47

      Would there ever be less mischief ???

    3. NGT6 1315

      NGT6 1315

      Barley cakes

    4. Tim Dubya

      Tim Dubya

      Wow, a coment of yours has lasted overnight - you're slipping mate!

  22. Boris

    Crossword clue - easy way to stop someone drowning. Apparently "Take your foot off his head" is not the right answer

    1. Tim Dubya

      Tim Dubya

      feed them loads of raw rice?

    2. Ian J.

      Ian J.

      I thought you wrote 'raw mice' for a moment there... :-D

  23. Boris

    Warning according to the cucumber your sausage requires updated drivers, please insert bacon to continue

    1. Show previous comments  9 more
    2. NGT6 1315

      NGT6 1315

      Mint julep

    3. 25901

      25901

      If you were Microsoft I would tell you where to stick the cucumber lol

    4. NGT6 1315

      NGT6 1315

      Cinnamon Carter

  24. Boris

    What this situation calls for is clean paints

    1. Show previous comments  4 more
    2. HeeleyBridge

      HeeleyBridge

      I saw Boris and my eyes naturally assumed it was 'pants'

    3. Ian J.

      Ian J.

      According to his avatar picture, Boris doesn't wear pants...

    4. Captain Kernow

      Captain Kernow

      Combinations?

  25. Boris

    When the walls fell

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. HeeleyBridge

      HeeleyBridge

      The 09.32 was cancelled. A replacement bus service is available.

    3. steve22

      steve22

      Demolition Contractors, Jerry & Co.

    4. Captain Kernow

      Captain Kernow

      Second-hand trousers

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