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Boris

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Status Updates posted by Boris

  1. The Border Sausage War

  2. Faster than the speed of shite

    1. Mad McCann

      Mad McCann

      Hyperfaecal overdrive.

    2. Londontram

      Londontram

      Not if you'd been in my toilet the other night

  3. Dreamed I was chased by a giant rabbit with the face of Donald Trump and he had a GWR roundel tattoo on his head. I must stop eating cheese before sleeping!

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. ROSSPOP

      ROSSPOP

      No the GWR means Gropes Women Regularly......

    3. 70b

      70b

      nightmare surely

    4. Huw Griffiths

      Huw Griffiths

      Isn't a nightmare a type of dream?

  4. Question of the day (on another group) "Are there any books that are nice about the SS?" What do they teach people in school these days?

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. Huw Griffiths

      Huw Griffiths

      Let's think:

       

      The Gestapo were put out of business once the war had ended - that's reasonably positive.

       

      Some of their more fanatical thugs were also permanently put out of business a few months later - guests of honour at their own "neck tie parties" - that's also positive.

       

      As for the Gestapo - what they stood for - and the atrocities they carried out - nothing positive can be said about them.

       

      Same about the scum that hired them.

    3. Mikkel

      Mikkel

      I'm a bit worried about the groups you join! :-)

    4. Mad McCann

      Mad McCann

      Have you tried UKIP... ;-)

  5. Has decided a Revolution is required at RMweb. Therefore I am putting the washing machine on to spin, 1200 Revolutions per minute ought to satisfy most people.

    1. Show previous comments  4 more
    2. skipepsi

      skipepsi

      1400 rpm is the true way forward.

    3. vaughan45

      vaughan45

      Good Vibrations

    4. NGT6 1315

      NGT6 1315

      Operation: Deterge!

  6. Read an amusing account of someone getting their "wiley" out on a train. Now if only I knew what a wiley was and where to get one!

    1. Show previous comments  4 more
    2. beast66606

      beast66606

      Kates Bush was out on the Wiley, windy moors with HEathcliffe.

    3. RJS1977

      RJS1977

      Didn't Wiley write the four candles sketch?

    4. Captain Kernow

      Captain Kernow

      You need to be re-gauged to standard gauge, my friend.

  7. feels the need to draw a carrot and two petit pois in the dust

    1. PhilEakins

      PhilEakins

      Feeling a little challenged?

    2. Ian J.

      Ian J.

      Surely you mean a cucumber and two kiwi fruit?

    3. wollastonblue

      wollastonblue

      I'd prefer Courgette and Kumquats

  8. Intercourse with biscuits

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Ian J.
    3. Mad McCann

      Mad McCann

      Last time I eat a Jammie dodger in North Yorkshire...

    4. Horsetan

      Horsetan

      Ars* biscuits!

  9. is about to defile the neccessarium

  10. is thinking... man who scratch bum, should not bite fingernails!

    1. 3 link

      3 link

      Also man who scratch balls in cold weather, should think twice....

    2. Huw Griffiths

      Huw Griffiths

      Definitely too much information.

    3. Londontram

      Londontram

      How else do you get your finger nails clean?

  11. MYTH: An owls neck can turn through 180 degrees. FACT: An owls neck can turn through 840 degrees and then its head comes off in your hand

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. cb900f

      cb900f

      Is that supposed to be funny? Or am I missing something?

    3. Lord Flashheart

      Lord Flashheart

      FACT: one bullet to the head will kill Boris, that'll do me.

    4. DougN

      DougN

      But will make a mess everywhere... the smell would be horrible...

  12. Bloody owls! It's quite weird they way they can maintain eye contact even in the microwave...

    1. bgman

      bgman

      They've got some neck !

    2. Steve Taylor

      Steve Taylor

      what were you doing in the microwave?

    3. Mikkel

      Mikkel

      One of your best yet!

  13. Well that escalated quickly - marmite now selling on ebay for £20+ for a 125g jar!

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Horsetan

      Horsetan

      ...served by a man from Brussels,

      Six feet tall and filled with muscles?

    3. ian

      ian

      I said "do you speaka my language?"

    4. chris p bacon

      chris p bacon

      He just smiled and made me a vegemite sandwich..

      Oooh yee

  14. has made a sensible none toilet post and now requires a long lie down

    1. Ian J.

      Ian J.

      A sensible Boris? I need a lie down...

    2. ian

      ian

      Who are you and what have you done with Boris?

  15. Wife been going on for weeks about wanting a "flatcap" on the back door, so I bought one, installed a peg and hung it on the door. Apparently she was "being cute and want a cat flap"!!!!!

    1. bbishop

      bbishop

      A decent person would have given her a key.

      B

    2. bgman

      bgman

      I get in a flap when I can't find my cap !

  16. back to my local model railway club tonight - don't think I'll be allowed back for another 5 years after what I did the their toilet

  17. If you stick something far enough up your arse it will mess with your head

    1. Show previous comments  6 more
    2. Re6/6

      Re6/6

      I'm not much into colonics.

    3. DonB

      DonB

      I thought that this form of torture went out of fashion in 1945

    4. NGT6 1315
  18. SMEGHEAD

    1. newbryford

      newbryford

      Smoke me a kipper

    2. davefrk

      davefrk

      And I'll be back for breakfast.

    3. SHMD

      SHMD

      Once it was covered in curry powder you then liked it...

  19. No, I am going to struggle to blame that one on the cat

    1. Ian J.

      Ian J.

      Just tell them it was a big cat (you have a pet lion, don't you? If not, you might need to get one ;-)

    2. Welly

      Welly

      Did you cut a mouse in half then?

  20. the increasing use of weaponised underpants

    1. NGT6 1315

      NGT6 1315

      A grating noise

    2. Rowsley17D

      Rowsley17D

      Be careful North Korea might show an interest

  21. Model railways are becoming very much like organised religion - we're getting more concerned with the smell of the soap rather than how clean it gets you.

    1. Show previous comments  6 more
    2. Boris

      Boris

      I have been watching too much sci-fi lately, I thought Andy was talking about the Church of Latter Day Gungans....

    3. Horsetan
    4. ian

      ian

      The Church of the Wholly Undecided.

  22. How come we can talk about Mrs Slocombes minge, but we can't talk about her pu55y?

    1. Horsetan

      Horsetan

      They looked quite time-served.

    2. NGT6 1315
    3. Metr0Land

      Metr0Land

      Diffoicult to believe hey pu55y has any life left in it after all these years

  23. All our pets are flushable

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Horsetan
    3. Londontram

      Londontram

      I wish mine were after thirty years I'm fast running out of garden

    4. Captain Kernow

      Captain Kernow

      Be careful Boris, you may get a flush yourself.

  24. has got wood and is letting nobody touch his wood. In fact, has wood, designs and a cunning plan....

    1. Show previous comments  6 more
    2. Horsetan
    3. rembrow

      rembrow

      What grade of sandpaper is being used-80 grit!!

    4. sharris

      sharris

      Legs tightly crossed now.

  25. Well that's an open and shut and open and shut thread!

    1. DougN

      DougN

      More like auto door...

    2. NGT6 1315
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