Peter Kazmierczak

I spent £2000 + visa to visit Stalingrad, but when I got there it was closed, so I came home without taking any photographs,

You didn't have lunch at Zizzis, did you?

Missed the connection to world famous Seaton Junction, so went back to Moscow.

Yes, best of luck for the future.

Good luck for the future

Best of luck Peter

It obviously isn't a PROPER model shop if it's selling flowers, cards, and chocolates.

Isn't it a new range of Noch figures (available in Ho/N )

called "Last Minute Valentines"?

I'm taking advice from Swiss Toni.

Father Christmas needs a day job after New Years, so Easter Bunny until April, then tothe May pole, Holiday Rep in the summer, Guy Fawkes till November...

Tesco normally deliver shop stocks of Easter Eggs on Christmas Eve - they are out on shelves as soon as the Christmas stuff is out of the way.

Eggcellent!

Not at all - once they have left!

School holidays are heaven - no idiotic mumsrun blocking the roads.

Altogether now:

Schoooool's out - for - summer

*breaks into a bar of peppermint RitterSport*

Me - do you need my postal address?

I'm afraid I threw them in the bin.

Hangs head in shame.....

There's still the Celebrations to open though.

Similar to gynaecology?

If it's anything to do with the election, I'd imagine that you're also learning to guess if fierce dogs are lying in wait behind doors.

I can also imagine comments from people stood on their doorsteps:

"Are you (whatever party)? ... Well we're NOT!!!" - then the door slams.

It helps to be an Independent, even if there's no chance I'll be elected.....

Long time ago I was chuffed to be Joseph. One of the sheep was given more lines than me. bah humbug.

Way back.. Stage curtains moved suspiciously, A clang sound and bump.... Angel Gabriel's voice.. "you've trod on me bl@@dy Trumpet"

I was one of the Three Kings, and I must have done something bad as the teacher said, 'We can make do with two kings!'

I actually taught at a St Winifred's School, but not that one.....

Could be worse - I offer Right Said Fred's "Deeply Dippy"...

Glory, glory to the Hibees

Such hollow victory....

how many points for your surname?

You can't use names in Scrabble.

If it goes on longer than three weeks you may well have a secondary chest infection, which needs a GP visit and antibiotics to sort. Discovered yesterday this is what's happened to me, a real pain and waste of time.

All the best John. Take care and thanks for the advice.

Oh dear! That's me out for the next two weeks!

I suppose it gives me an excuse to do very little! Three weeks though!

I thought that teachers did their job for the joy of instilling knowledge into our little darlings... sadly disillusioned by comments above!

Heading for the door ..tin hat on!

More noise out in the road all day ... But much less parking on the streets round here and no mad women dashing about in 4x4s

No staff moaning either......or head of Dept appearing at the door and saying "Hi Peter, I just wanted a word....blah, blah, blah......

School holidays mean less traffic on the daily commute :-)

I saw my first Back to School poster four weeks ago...

Means we HAVEN'T GOT inconsiderate Parents parking outside our place for half an hour with their engines running, summer / air con, winter / heater. An then getting all shirty when we ask to get our cars in and out of the Drive.

Have a good break mate.

That's just decadent. Sorry, no other word for it . . . .

PS it's at times like this that I wish I lived somewhere that chippies or whatever (or anything, come to think of it!) opened at unsociable, or even sociable!, hours.

It's all very well living in the 1950s, but making as far as the 1960s or '70s would be nice every now & then!

Good to know that someone's daughter shares her chips with dad.

Daredevil adventures of the midlife male :-)

At least it's not RE....

Jumpers for goalposts

British Bulldog 123 as we used to do in cubs (1960s) - whoops pass the splints and bandages around.

I went to the boudoir (oh sorry, that's French) with the radio on, so kept waking up to various announcements. Thought it was a nightmare but no, it was real.

Chickens voting for Xmas according to my newsagent!

Turkey

Thing is, the BBC don't use the Met Office anymore, they use a bunch of cheapskates with a piece of seaweed and a Fitzroy Weather Glass. Its instructive to compare and contrast the BBC forecast with the Met Office one on their webpage.

And still they both get it wrong...

Our cat sleeps with her paws over her head when it's going to rain, and is almost always right

Fisted visit?

I wrote “Ofsted”, but autocorrect changed it. I imagine that can be how it feels to have a visit.

Such fun.......................

Panto sounds much the better option.

Did you have a letter for the Teacher, hahha.

Get better soon mate.

Had a rubbish day and I was at school, 2 fights in the dinner queue and physical intervention paperwork to complete, not in the TV adverts for becoming a teacher

If they told the truth now there would be no applicants> Now in my day we could etc etc....

OMG!!!!

Would you prefer the look of utter devastation when they realise they failed?

Boys have done better than girls this year apparently.

At this very minute they'll be checking out the organisation calling itself RM WEB and trying to understand its purpose

Vetting and barring it is called these days

I'd steer clear of the vets if I was you. I like bars though.

My lights are always on but I'm not always at home.

a 4lb lump hammer can work wonders

Come 11th January nobody's lights are going to be on . . .

That's the way to do it.

Did anybody win you?

One of the kiddies asked for a refund when they didn't win...

whiskey

There's got to be a hit song in that status update somewhere.

On reflection, I suspect that those of us with colds might be more likely to opt for the single malt remedy.

That would be telling. However my mental age remains obstinately at about 15. Got a nice railway picture from colleagues at work though.

Ah. 60.

I'm heading for the earlier one!