Dating, women and the 'hobby'...

[Andy Y]

I've never told Mrs Y. I think I may have got away with it.

[jwealleans]

I've never told Mrs Y.

 

Dare I ask what sort of "popular Internet based service catering mainly for the discerning gentleman" she thinks you run?

[Sasquatch]

Met Mrs Sasquatch up in the woods. It was she who introduced me to the hobby! Needed something to bring all her model trees to life!!

 

Took her for a trip back in time on the Blue Bell. Magic.

Edited January 8, 2013 by Sasquatch

[Hoovering_crompton]

I was going to try to ease the interest in the hobby to the then future mrs H_c  but was rumbled when we caught a train to her parents in Dorset. As the train pulled into Yeovil junction the then recently arrived 50050 "fearless" was on display in the yard and as we stopped I lept out of the train onto the platform to grab a quick snap. The look on the future mrs H_c's face as I got back to my seat was priceless!

Dave

[Torr Giffard LSWR 1951-71]

Mornin' all,

 

I get away with the predictably acceptable bits.....Great Railway Journeys through stunning landscapes, lunch on the Glacier express etc very easily but the accusations and recriminations re the expanding Tor Giffard taking over all of our previously shared workroom surface each time she wants me to back down or else concur with more of her point of view.

 

I destine one of our fundraising coach trips to a different steam railway each year and unsurprisingly it always runs full and raises loads of cash, which makes it harder to argue against.

 

An amusing but cautionary tale from the Barrowmore lads followed on from several hours spent setting up the layout in Wells before heading off to the pub (or two) for some refreshment. Most of the group were amazed to see one of their number chatting to two gorgeous females, however, within seconds he was on his own and heading back to join them. "What happened??" was the inevitable question......he replied "oh, everything was fine until they asked me why I was in Wells and once I said that I was here for the model railway exhibition, they suddenly remembered something else that they had to do".  

 

Cheers

 

Dave 

Edited January 8, 2013 by Torr Giffard LSWR 1951-71

[cromptonnut]

It's a few years later when they say "either the railway goes or I do" and you ask them to hold the soldering iron whilst you phone them a taxi...

 

I've never made a secret of my interests and it's never been a problem - I don't understand why she spends all her time and silly amounts of money knitting but it's an interest and she enjoys it so that's fine with me.

 

I've always found an N gauge "08" to be very handy in the past - you can pop it in a shirt pocket and they don't notice then when you bring it up in conversation, invariably "oh isn't it cute" is the response, then you can show them the layout and it actually runs - most people think of "model railways" as a Hornby train set operated by saddos that "make all the noises", wear a drivers hat and wave flags, so if you have something that isn't that - even if it is a Hornby sized (ie OO) layout but with non-setrack curves, for example, they are often impressed.

 

Of course, we don't call it "playing trains" within earshot of them - but once you start to mention the various skills involved, electrical, carpentry, sculpture/art (scenic work), painting etc you often see the "click" as that translates to "DIY, putting up shelves and assembling flat pack furniture" which makes you relationship material.

 

In the three and a half years since we first met, I've already trained my now wife to identify "sheds" from a distance, and where to identify numbers if she sees anything that isn't "normal" on the route wherever she happens to be - as a regular traveller it's easy to identify what is and isn't normal even if you don't know the details of what it is.

 

She's also understood the purpose of the "anorak flail" - although wasn't necessarily quite so impressed when I saluted our best man with one (a fellow spotter) during my speech at our wedding.

[roundhouse]

My other half knew about my interests from day one as I met her through another friend who is a professional Architectural modelmaker / railway modeller.

 

Luckily she had a strong interest in cars so railways dont come across so bad to her as it is to many others.

 

I remember the first time I took her to the USA - I genuinely didnt know that the hotel was across form the UP mainline in Arlington, Texas and our room would be on the upper floor looking right across at it (if I had known the location I would have booked such a room anyway). She was up all night peering out the window at the Armor yellow locos pulling autracks past all the grade crossings of the side roads off the main road parallelling the rairload.

 

Shes been hooked on autracks and doublestacks ever since and can tell the sound that they make before they come round the corner into sight. However, more recently she has found the thoroughbred of Norfolk Southern more interesting - she has the webcam at Roanoke on all the time. The problem is that it's going to be expensive whe Fox Valley release all the NS heritage liveries!!

 

She has enjoyed the many holidays involving rail travel or linesiding (she gets bored quickly if there is no activity at a location though).

 

I cant get her to do any actual modelling ever since she did give it a try many years ago and cut herself with the knife.

 

She comes to many of the shows that we do and whilst she doesn't do much operating, the help with driving, unloading setting up,getting drinks, lunches and packing away means we can do shows further away without needing accommodation on the Friday nights as we share the driving etc. We do shows as far away as Derbyshire North  and WIltshire West etc by driving there on the Saturday morning from home (subject to what time the shows open though).

 

A lot less of this would be possible without her interest and help.

[Joseph_Pestell]

I think we must have been together for about a year when I first took her to Railwells. I figured that, as one of the best shows featuring "proper" model railways, she might get the point. No chance! Within about 15 minutes she had headed for the coffee room.

 

She does not have a hobby of her own and really does not see the point.

 

I get a bit less grief about railways though than I do for watching football on telly. Very grumpy last night that I insisted watching a magnificent performance by Moyes' boys at Cheltenham.

 

PS; She is a bit concerned that I have chosen a hotel for our stay in Paris that is just round the corner from the rue de Douai. 

[Ashcombe]

In my experience, anyone who has a hobby/passion for something/anything is going to be more interesting company than a person with no interests.

[Giles]

My Lady has always been very practical (she managed to change a cylinder head gasket on a car by herself, and had no bits left over - before I met her - out of necessesity, not fun) so she wasn't too worried about my railways - particularly as I was finishing a 10 1/4" live steamer at the time.

 

I taught her how to silver-solder, and so she started doing some silver work for fun. She now spends more at exhibitions on tools than I do...... This year, for Christmas, I bought her the stuff to do delft clay casting - a technique for casting silver (a finer version of sand-casting) and coincidentally, brass..... So if I need to cast any little brass items, I can just ip upstairs, and in 30 minutes.....

[10800]

don't take them to a model railway exhibition on the first date.

 

Shortly after I met the future Mrs10800 I offered to take her boy (she was widowed, he was about 5) to the local exhibition to give her some free time, but she insisted on coming as well!

 

She's always been interested in industrial archaeology and can always trump me by referring to when she went to school by steam-hauled train (on the Denbigh-Mold line).

[21C123]

After our 2nd date I took my wife to show her my house. When she spotted my model railway she had a good look at one of my stored modules which has an airfield on it and said she had seen it before with a crashed plane !

 

About 6 months before she had taken some out of town friends with kids to an exhibition where our modular layout was on display, she remembered wondering what sort of person has a crashed plane on a model railway.... She then told me she had always wanted an older brother with trains.

 

I asked her to marry me the next day, 7 days after meeting, and 3 months later we were married, almost 10 years ago now.

 

She comes along to any exhibitions that we go to and has been known to drive the trains ocassionally, our 5 year old son is getting to be quite a good operator now, pity the layout is too high, will have to take a ladder next time as he's getting heavier.

 

 

Roger

[PatB]

I approached my returning interest in small railways fairly carefully with MrsB, although I probably didn't need to.  She's a professional artist and so is able to appreciate the attempt to create a scene in miniature, recognising the difference between Thomas performing endless small circles at 200 mph and a painstaking representation of the 5.45 down goods to Wibbleford Regis on 12th May 1954.  She's also an accomplished jeweller and so is considerably more adept at small scale metalwork than I am.  It's also helpful that I can scrounge things like weathering pastels, mounting card, small files and other tools off her when she's not looking .

[Brian Indge]

I count myself very fortunate as my other half actively supports my Hobby, in fact she bought me a 00 gauge Blue Pullman for my Birthday and is always encouraging me to purchase things for my (work in progress) layout!!! She also found me one of the beautiful Green Wainwright C locos at the Pecorama shop last week which arrived yesterday.

 

Brian

[colin penfold]

OK I am going to try some philosophy here and hopefully no nosebleeds, dizzy spells or nausea to follow.

 

I have been married three times. I don't think the two divorces were connected to my railway interests. I would think that whether or not you are going to get on with a person you are dating goes way beyond your (or their) hobbies.

 

I think you need to get to know them by doing the usual mainstream things like lunch, dinner, sightseeing, films etc. At some stage hobbies will come up, and then be open but sparing with the information you give. Imagine if your chosen date is the UK cross-stich champion. How much do you want her(or him) to tell you about their hobby? Do you want to know a quick overview of how they got into it, the skills required and the kind of things they produce. If you like them - yes, of course you will. Do you want to know the precise contents of their sewing box, the exact composition of thread they use for each project, and be taken to a cross-stich show every weekend for the rest of your life? I doubt it.

 

In short, don't hide who you are, but don't bore people to tears with somethng they won't be that into. You don't need to have the same hobbies to forge a successful relationship. You just need mutual tolerance and understanding. There will be together time, and me time. Together time is about doing things of mutual interest or benefit. Sometimes people who share a love of a particular hobby or sport find it harder to keep a relationship up because of their dedication and/or different ambitions in the hobby.

 

As Southern 42 has said, it's not all about gender. I met two of my second wife's friends husbands for the first time at a party. Settled in for a chat about football (safe bloke subject???) nope, they both hated football and to be honest I might have been a bit slow to pick up on it. Got there in the end and had a good chat about beer, curry, serving our country (forces in their case, police in mine) One of them later shared with me how close I came to alienating them on that first meeting. Not all blokes will want to hear about trains, not all women will be bored by them. The point is to be socially adept enough to understand that successful relationships are built on understanding and common ground, rather than expecting others to share all of one's own interests. I'm sure you manage it with your male friends - just use the same principles with dating.

 

Also be very fearful of anybody who shows un-naturally strong interest in your hobby just because it's your hobby. May turn out to be a bunny boiler saying what they think you want to hear just to snare you   Drat, nearly did a whole post with a serious head on. Close, but no cigar......

[beast66606]

shouldnt it be called  Dating, women or the hobby?

 

Perhaps - for some

 

Dating women, or the hobby ?

 

All of my girlfriends have known about my interest, only one wasn't keen the others have been fine. My sons mum loved it as it meant I took him out all the time so gave her plenty of "me time", she still helps him when he goes out photographing, she doesn't know much about the trains but she knows roughly when they run, as she has to get him out of bed in time.

 

My current partner is happy with my hobby, she comes out with me and waves at the trains to get whistles (what she waves is between us and a few select drivers).

She finds the characters in the model railway world to be amusing, she did ask if some peoples egos are directly related to the size of their train sets, and if the term "plank" referred to the trainset or the owner - bless her..

 

On a less tongue in cheek note - if (your) she isn't prepared to accept you for what you are then "Next!"

[Baby Deltic]

I take them with me on the first date.

in a rucksack

 

It could be a lot worse. I know a certain maritime member from the south west who regularly goes out with his rucksack stuffed full of parsnips.

[Baby Deltic]

I find it awfully hard to conceal the fact that I like trains. I'm not sure whether its my 'milk bottle' glasses, the tanktop I wear or my shredded wheat hair cut............

[SM42]

don't tell them on first date and for God's sake don't take them to a model railway exhibition on the first date.

 

That's funny!

 

That's exactly where I took Mrs SM42 on our first date. (might as well get it out in the open, no point wasting time.)

 

Ally Pally, 1st April, 2006 I think. (uh-oh dodgy ground, forgetting dates here)

 

Perhaps she thought it was joke!

 

She puts up with my hobby, even encourages it, as long as there is no 12 inch to the  foot  modelling to be done with paint by Dulux et al.

 

She's even been caught looking round our show (and on her own too!)

 

Having said that she doesn't seem to want to have a go herself

 

Andy

[Horsetan]

..... I can just nip upstairs, and in 30 minutes.....

 

I bet she'll be the one asking you to come up and see her etchings.....

[Enterprisingwestern]

I've never told Mrs Y. I think I may have got away with it.

 

Does she an equally unquestioning sister by any chance?

 

Mike.

[The Stationmaster]

I think the future Mrs Stationmaster had fully realised my interest by the time we were arrested for 'spying' (photographing TKt 48 tank engines) in Poland on the very first time we went away for a weekend together.  After release, several hours most of the day later, the rest of the weekend was spent a good way away from the railway on more mundane things like ski slopes, sleigh rides, and in the local bars.

 

And if she hadn't got it then she was probably fully convinced when we spent part of the first day of our honeymoon with me watching the working of various steam powered locos and cranes in Falmouth Docks (and that was after I had 'found' Bowen Cooke's grave in a local churchyard on the other side of the estuary on a walk after breakfast).

[MJI]

Mrs B only really twigged when she looked through the honeymoon snaps and realised that most of them were of large green engines with shiny bits, yes we went to Torquay.

Kingswear beach and the new Mrs I carrying my tripod (I had to carry the camera and SLF1).

 

My one room bedsit was full of model stuff, and a large TV, at least when me got our house we had all the essentials (TV HiFi ect).

 

She still tolerates me leaving half done models in the sitting room, and a rake of MSVs on the window sill.

[Kris]

Never hidden it but also never broadcast it to start with. A gentle introduction has resulted in bad results.

[TheCromptonParkinson]

Mine knew about it before we'd even really hooked up, she likes it as she knows I'm not out doing something 'else'.

 

I also find modelling calms me down, I can be very rock and roll at times, and in the past it's always been the one thing that I can stop and chill out. She appreciates it for that too. 

 

However my GF before that was a different kettle of fish, I've always looked older than I was, and at 17 I left school to work in London, and I looked in a suit about 22/23. I met her on the train commuting and she had just finished Uni. I never lied about my age, I just did not tell her. After getting WELL into a relationship  her constant bugging to go meet my parents not only lead to a confession of having a layout in my bedroom with my single bed and train pictures on the wall, but being just turned 18. To cut a long story short, she was pretty miffed about the age thing, but her father modelled trains. And after getting over my age, we did some very interesting things on the layout and I was with her 3 something years. When we moved in together I had a giant roundy in our attic, and she let me choose a house which looked out over Tonbridge West yard. Were still great mates and her Dad and I often meet before exhibitions and have a drink.

 

The moral is just fess up as soon as NORMALLY possible. I would never go 'Oh my names Oly and I like baby trains'. I know some girls who really are adverse to it, they are not the girls for you as a passionate modeller. 

 

Oly