The Forum Jokes Thread

[Baby Deltic]

If he wants to sell the cat again, he could try here:

 

[PhilJ W]

1 minute ago, Baby Deltic said:

If he wants to sell the cat again, he could try here:

 

How will they know its your cat?

[Baby Deltic]

Just now, PhilJ W said:

How will they know its your cat?

You have to provide a C5 log book which is the cat version of a V5. This proves ownership history and is transferred to the new owner.

[F-UnitMad]

1 minute ago, Baby Deltic said:

You have to provide a C5 log book which is the cat version of a V5. This proves ownership history and is transferred to the new owner.

And therein lies the flaw with that scam - er, um, I mean scheme...

It is a well known Fact that only dogs have owners. Cats have staff - often several, who are all unaware of each other's existence.     

[Enterprisingwestern]

2 hours ago, grahame said:

 

Is it still running?

Perhaps it's a pantomime. What theatre is it showing at?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Behind you.

 

Mike.

[2750Papyrus]

27 minutes ago, Enterprisingwestern said:

 

Behind you.

 

Mike.

 

Oh no, it isn't!

[jcredfer]

34 minutes ago, Enterprisingwestern said:

 

Behind you.

 

Mike.

 

6 minutes ago, 2750Papyrus said:

 

Oh no, it isn't!

 

 

Oh dear!!

 

Julian

 

[jcredfer]

55 minutes ago, Baby Deltic said:

If he wants to sell the cat again, he could try here:

 

 

Rather expected that to be in Chinese.....     

 

Julian

 

[Hroth]

56 minutes ago, Baby Deltic said:

If he wants to sell the cat again, he could try here:

 

 

Its those kind folk who used to teach cats to smoke, after the business with the Beagles got out.

 

I wonder what they teach them nowadays?

 

[Baby Deltic]

5 minutes ago, Hroth said:

 

Its those kind folk who used to teach cats to smoke, after the business with the Beagles got out.

 

I wonder what they teach them nowadays?

 

Cat burglary?

[Baby Deltic]

[peanuts]

Did we ever find out what The Knights of White Sat in ?..

[Baby Deltic]

1 hour ago, jcredfer said:

 

Rather expected that to be in Chinese.....     

 

Julian

 

But then we wouldn't understand it. Horrible thought though, cats being eaten.

[Steamport Southport]

43 minutes ago, Baby Deltic said:

But then we wouldn't understand it. Horrible thought though, cats being eaten.

 

You've got to hypnotise them first...

 

 

Edited July 26, 2020 by Steamport Southport

[Sidecar Racer]

[simontaylor484]

1 hour ago, Baby Deltic said:

But then we wouldn't understand it. Horrible thought though, cats being eaten.

And other things too and they wonder why corona virus originated in China allegedly 

[luckymucklebackit]

Sponsored by the Holiday Homes for Pets Pie Company

[KeithMacdonald]

4 minutes ago, luckymucklebackit said:

Sponsored by the Holiday Homes for Pets Pie Company

 

Managing Director : Mrs Tweedy.

Now fully recovered from the exploding Chicken Pie Factory incident.

(I told you those chickens were getting organised).

[Gopher]

Tee shirts 

 

[jbqfc]

[Baby Deltic]

[CameronL]

The Seven Stages of Fandom.

 

Remember those far-off days when you first stuck a toe in the railway modelling water? How did you get to where you are now from that keen novice? We’ve all seen it happen countless times. Here’s how I think it happens -

 

Stage 1

 

A friend who is already a modeller talks you into going to an exhibition with him. You like what you see. Later, at home you start looking at the prices of RTR stock and wondering where a railway might fit in your house – a corner of the spare room / office / man cave seems the best. The first track plans are drawn. You still think that buildings for a model railway are limited to a station, a signal box and a goods shed. You buy a modelling magazine at the newsagents regularly.

 

You have realised that a BLT isn’t just a sandwich.

 

Stage 2

 

Your small layout has made its appearance in the spare room / office / man cave. It has an “interesting” mix of stock as you’ve bought stuff “because you like it” (the Merchant Navy Pacific pulling the container train is a particular favourite). Other ready-made buildings have put in an appearance. You have taken out a subscription with your favourite railway modelling magazine, and buy others if you like the look of the articles. Nobody has to talk you in to going to exhibitions – you go on your own.

 

Simple DC is your limit. You think DCC is an arcane art that involves wearing black robes and sacrificing chickens.

 

Stage 3

 

The spare room / office / man cave is now known to all as “The Railway Room” as the layout has expanded. It is lined with old railway posters and shelves of memorabilia. You have decided on a railway company you want to model (and if it’s one of the Big Four you hate at least one of the others). You are regularly on eBay flogging your stock that doesn’t fit and trying to get more that does. You have discovered the wonderful world of kits. Buildings, rolling stock and trackside accessories are all flying off your workbench. You have your first letter published in the letters page of your favourite railway magazine. You travel further to exhibitions because there’s a particular layout you want to see. Sometimes this will involve an overnight stay.

 

This re-appraisal of your stock gives you the chance to start dabbling in DCC.

 

Stage 4

 

Even “The Railway Room” cannot contain your ambition any more. You start planning a loft conversion or shed. You also have plans for an exhibition layout. Kitbashing is your new delight, and weathering holds no terrors at all. You have now decided on an era you want to model and are busy on eBay again. You have your first article published in your favourite magazine. Exhibitors and attendees alike at exhibitions greet you like an old friend. You can now control your layout from your laptop.

 

The memorabilia has expanded beyond the railway room and is taking over the rest of the house.

 

Stage 5

 

You want a bigger shed, both for the new layout and the power tools. You have now settled on a geographical location you want to model, and have a map of how your layout will fit into it. You have photographs from your holiday of the area. You scratchbuild the buildings to match the local architecture. In fact, scratchbuilding is your new delight: given a chassis you can construct a body for it from plasticard and bits out of your spares draw in an evening. The new layout makes the front cover of your favourite railway magazine. People like your exhibition layout. Your local model railway club looks upon you as their DCC guru.

 

The front garden now has a gradient marker and a ground signal in the flower beds.

 

Stage 6

 

You have realised that the only solution to your lack of railway space is a house move. You have the tools and expertise to scratchbuild whole locos in brass. You are a regular contributor to your favourite magazine. Exhibitions invite you to bring your layout to them. You can recognise every loco of the era and company you’re modelling. You can now get a driver’s-eye view of your layout.

 

From a loco being controlled from your mobile phone.

 

While you’re on holiday in Lanzarote.

 

The front garden now has a home and distant semaphore signal in it.

 

Stage 7

 

The new house has outbuildings, in which your magnus opus is taking shape. You have just published a book on modelling techniques. People travel to exhibitions because you’re there, and bring copies of your book for you to sign. You are now scratchbuilding locos for other people and thinking about quitting your job and making your money that way.

 

The flowers in the garden planted out in the narrow-gauge cauldron wagons are doing really well. You’re trying to find an engine to complete the set.

 

Of course, the next stage is when you actually make a living from the craft, but then you’ve stopped being a Fan and turned into a Pro.

 

Wherever you are on the list, have fun.

 

Best wishes

 

Cam

[PhilJ W]

1 hour ago, CameronL said:

The Seven Stages of Fandom.

 

Remember those far-off days when you first stuck a toe in the railway modelling water? How did you get to where you are now from that keen novice? We’ve all seen it happen countless times. Here’s how I think it happens -

 

Stage 1

 

A friend who is already a modeller talks you into going to an exhibition with him. You like what you see. Later, at home you start looking at the prices of RTR stock and wondering where a railway might fit in your house – a corner of the spare room / office / man cave seems the best. The first track plans are drawn. You still think that buildings for a model railway are limited to a station, a signal box and a goods shed. You buy a modelling magazine at the newsagents regularly.

 

You have realised that a BLT isn’t just a sandwich.

 

Stage 2

 

Your small layout has made its appearance in the spare room / office / man cave. It has an “interesting” mix of stock as you’ve bought stuff “because you like it” (the Merchant Navy Pacific pulling the container train is a particular favourite). Other ready-made buildings have put in an appearance. You have taken out a subscription with your favourite railway modelling magazine, and buy others if you like the look of the articles. Nobody has to talk you in to going to exhibitions – you go on your own.

 

Simple DC is your limit. You think DCC is an arcane art that involves wearing black robes and sacrificing chickens.

 

Stage 3

 

The spare room / office / man cave is now known to all as “The Railway Room” as the layout has expanded. It is lined with old railway posters and shelves of memorabilia. You have decided on a railway company you want to model (and if it’s one of the Big Four you hate at least one of the others). You are regularly on eBay flogging your stock that doesn’t fit and trying to get more that does. You have discovered the wonderful world of kits. Buildings, rolling stock and trackside accessories are all flying off your workbench. You have your first letter published in the letters page of your favourite railway magazine. You travel further to exhibitions because there’s a particular layout you want to see. Sometimes this will involve an overnight stay.

 

This re-appraisal of your stock gives you the chance to start dabbling in DCC.

 

Stage 4

 

Even “The Railway Room” cannot contain your ambition any more. You start planning a loft conversion or shed. You also have plans for an exhibition layout. Kitbashing is your new delight, and weathering holds no terrors at all. You have now decided on an era you want to model and are busy on eBay again. You have your first article published in your favourite magazine. Exhibitors and attendees alike at exhibitions greet you like an old friend. You can now control your layout from your laptop.

 

The memorabilia has expanded beyond the railway room and is taking over the rest of the house.

 

Stage 5

 

You want a bigger shed, both for the new layout and the power tools. You have now settled on a geographical location you want to model, and have a map of how your layout will fit into it. You have photographs from your holiday of the area. You scratchbuild the buildings to match the local architecture. In fact, scratchbuilding is your new delight: given a chassis you can construct a body for it from plasticard and bits out of your spares draw in an evening. The new layout makes the front cover of your favourite railway magazine. People like your exhibition layout. Your local model railway club looks upon you as their DCC guru.

 

The front garden now has a gradient marker and a ground signal in the flower beds.

 

Stage 6

 

You have realised that the only solution to your lack of railway space is a house move. You have the tools and expertise to scratchbuild whole locos in brass. You are a regular contributor to your favourite magazine. Exhibitions invite you to bring your layout to them. You can recognise every loco of the era and company you’re modelling. You can now get a driver’s-eye view of your layout.

 

From a loco being controlled from your mobile phone.

 

While you’re on holiday in Lanzarote.

 

The front garden now has a home and distant semaphore signal in it.

 

Stage 7

 

The new house has outbuildings, in which your magnus opus is taking shape. You have just published a book on modelling techniques. People travel to exhibitions because you’re there, and bring copies of your book for you to sign. You are now scratchbuilding locos for other people and thinking about quitting your job and making your money that way.

 

The flowers in the garden planted out in the narrow-gauge cauldron wagons are doing really well. You’re trying to find an engine to complete the set.

 

Of course, the next stage is when you actually make a living from the craft, but then you’ve stopped being a Fan and turned into a Pro.

 

Wherever you are on the list, have fun.

 

Best wishes

 

Cam

Stage 8

The wife files for divorce and you have to sell up the house and go and live in a tiny apartment with no room for even a couple of yards of track. Not to worry as you've had to sell off all your models and stock to pay the (ex) wife.

[KeithMacdonald]

1 hour ago, CameronL said:

The Seven Stages of Fandom

 

 

Here’s how I think it happens -

 

The Seven Nine Stages of Fandom.

 

(like wot he rote, plus)

 

Stage 8

DCC has been replaced by a new standard of WiFi and onboard rechargeable batteries. Your entire DCC system is now obsolete. You write bitter and twisted articles moaning it's not like the old days of "proper" modelling.

 

Stage 9

You die, and your spouse/partner unloads the whole collection on ebay at stupidly cheap prices. You will spin in your grave (at a suitably modelled rate of rotation)

 

 

[CameronL]

Do we have a "Like" option for "Bitter / Cynical"?