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The Forum Jokes Thread


Colin_McLeod
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Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

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2 hours ago, PhilJ W said:

The advantage of Alzheimers though is you have new experiences and meet new people every day.

My Ma, ardent royalist, watched Kate and Wills wedding everyday for over five years until the ability to maintain interest in a narrative event departed, and it was fresh! and new! every time.  My Pa said you could set your watch by her comment "He's good King George's great grandson you know" (KG6).

 

This may not seem like much of a joke, but you have to make the most of what amusement there is to enjoy with those suffering this deterioration.

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1 hour ago, sir douglas said:

Untitled2.png

It appears to have been built like that for some sort of special duties. There looks like a skid brake between the front drivers which are connected to it by a massive spring. Perhaps the smaller wheels are to relieve stress on the frame when it is operated?

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8 minutes ago, PhilJ W said:

It appears to have been built like that for some sort of special duties. There looks like a skid brake between the front drivers which are connected to it by a massive spring. Perhaps the smaller wheels are to relieve stress on the frame when it is operated?

 

Explanation here

http://www.douglas-self.com/MUSEUM/LOCOLOCO/belgian/smashsys.htm

 

And some other Belgian oddities

http://www.douglas-self.com/MUSEUM/LOCOLOCO/belgian/belgian.htm

 

Jim

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I was driving down the motorway the other day behind a van with bright lights flashing. It was labelled ‘Escort Vehicle’.

Personally I would have thought someone in that line of work would want to be a little more discreet.

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9 minutes ago, F-UnitMad said:

One lad where I used to work had a holiday in Thailand. Other colleagues seemed very disappointed that all he kept posting photos of on Facebook was temples, scenery, landmarks, etc.... :rolleyes: :mosking:

 

...and not taking photos like this (open if you dare) - What you really go to Thailand so see!!:o

Edited by luckymucklebackit
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A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only
here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my
testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them,
Sir. They look fine."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful.
Now listen very, very closely:

Are - my - test - results - back?"

 

Julian

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Indian man said to the American: "We have problem in India . We can't marry the one whom we love. You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely and domesticated girl from a village whom I haven't even met once. We call this an arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love. I told my parents that openly and now have a hell of a lot of family problems."

The American said: "Talking about love marriages, in America we can marry the one we love. Let me tell you my story. I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated her for three years. After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and married her, so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law. Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife is my grandmother. More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle. The situation turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son, my brother, is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grandfather and I am my own grandson.

And you say you have family problems?"

The Indian fainted ................

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