How to get lynched at a model railway show

[KeithMacdonald]

1 hour ago, John Besley said:

How does one get to join this exclusive art ... Is there a correspondence course that one can do and paperwork to fill in and post back or is it all on the hew fangled hinternet

 

@John Besley - thanks for asking, you may well indeed be a suitable candidate.

 

EBCR brethren regularly attend Model Railway Shows, scouting for new talent. The key to getting noticed as a suitable candidate is to visit each show stand in turn. At each, one must get as close as possible to whoever is running the stand, then find something gratuitously offensive to complain about. Marks are awarded for how loudly you complain, how much of a reaction you get from the stand operators, and how original the complaint is.

 

If in doubt, or lacking inspiration, you can fall back on a few old ritual complaints.

• I think you'll find that the wrong shade of (whatever colour you choose)
• That operating company didn't have that kind of loco/coach/wagon in (some spurious year picked at random to flummox them)
• The track curves & geometry are not prototypical

And so on. Having caught the eye of EBCR brethren, they will take you aside and test your suitability with a few key questions.

• Do you like complaining?
• Would you like to meet more people that do the same?
• Would you like to join a private club where you can learn more ritual complaints on a regular basis?
• Do you like to eat and drink a lot?

 

[Steamport Southport]

[KeithMacdonald]

I rise for the third time, On this occasion, to announce that the Lodge of EBCR (in the province of Wiltshire) has just awarded   @Ducking Giraffe  the exalted rank of Honorary Grand Master,  for Services to Riveting and FineScale Modelling.

 

 

[KeithMacdonald]

Apologies, brethren have politely (or not) sent me PMs telling me to stop faffing about, and finish the links to @Ducking Giraffe masterly epic. Then the brethren can get to the Festive Board - before the food gets cold or the brethren visiting from Model Ships forums have finished-off all the free booze.  We can then get down to the pedantic argument  friendly discussion about whether Ship Modellers or Railway Modellers have the best techniques, and how to be a pedantic supply valuable feedback on inadequacies at Modelling Shows.

 

 

 

[kevinlms]

14 hours ago, KeithMacdonald said:

 

@John Besley - thanks for asking, you may well indeed be a suitable candidate.

 

EBCR brethren regularly attend Model Railway Shows, scouting for new talent. The key to getting noticed as a suitable candidate is to visit each show stand in turn. At each, one must get as close as possible to whoever is running the stand, then find something gratuitously offensive to complain about. Marks are awarded for how loudly you complain, how much of a reaction you get from the stand operators, and how original the complaint is.

 

If in doubt, or lacking inspiration, you can fall back on a few old ritual complaints.

• I think you'll find that the wrong shade of (whatever colour you choose)
• That operating company didn't have that kind of loco/coach/wagon in (some spurious year picked at random to flummox them)
• The track curves & geometry are not prototypical

And so on. Having caught the eye of EBCR brethren, they will take you aside and test your suitability with a few key questions.

• Do you like complaining?
• Would you like to meet more people that do the same?
• Would you like to join a private club where you can learn more ritual complaints on a regular basis?
• Do you like to eat and drink a lot?

 

All the time the EBCR is waffling on, while not watching what is going on within the layout behind the EBCR, the layout operator is deliberately running a train that contravenes everything that is being said.

Examples are running a loco such as a Jinty, piloting a Duchess on the Coronation Scot, but bunker first.

Or else, Thomas is banking a Class 66 on a train of container flats, depending on period.

[Jol Wilkinson]

 

14 hours ago, KeithMacdonald said:

 

@John Besley - thanks for asking, you may well indeed be a suitable candidate.

 

EBCR brethren regularly attend Model Railway Shows, scouting for new talent. The key to getting noticed as a suitable candidate is to visit each show stand in turn. At each, one must get as close as possible to whoever is running the stand, then find something gratuitously offensive to complain about. Marks are awarded for how loudly you complain, how much of a reaction you get from the stand operators, and how original the complaint is.

 

If in doubt, or lacking inspiration, you can fall back on a few old ritual complaints.

• I think you'll find that the wrong shade of (whatever colour you choose)
• That operating company didn't have that kind of loco/coach/wagon in (some spurious year picked at random to flummox them)
• The track curves & geometry are not prototypical

And so on. Having caught the eye of EBCR brethren, they will take you aside and test your suitability with a few key questions.

• Do you like complaining?
• Would you like to meet more people that do the same?
• Would you like to join a private club where you can learn more ritual complaints on a regular basis?
• Do you like to eat and drink a lot?

 

 

I am surprised you haven't made mention of the Fellowship of Complainants - the FOC.

 

They abound in railway modelling and are heavily focussed on the actions of manufacturers, exhibition organisers and others they consider guilty of positive thinking. Chief amongst their complaints are;

 

1 - why don't they make a ?

2 - It is too expensive.

3 - I order one yesterday and it still hasn't arrived yet.

4 - The colour isn't right.

5 - The catering was poor.

6 - There wasn't sufficient parking.

 

The FOC encompasses the sect of Moaners, some of whom have now achieved Senior Moaner status and can find fault with anything someone else does. 

 

 

[ian]

2 minutes ago, Jol Wilkinson said:

The FOC encompasses the sect of Moaners, some of whom have now achieved Senior Moaner status and can find fault with anything someone else does. 

 

And, of course, anything that they DON'T do.

 

 

[KeithMacdonald]

6 hours ago, Jol Wilkinson said:

I am surprised you haven't made mention of the Fellowship of Complainants - the FOC.  They abound in railway modelling and are heavily focussed on the actions of manufacturers, exhibition organisers and others they consider guilty of positive thinking ... 

The FOC encompasses the sect of Moaners, some of whom have now achieved Senior Moaner status and can find fault with anything someone else does.

 

@Jol Wilkinson - Glad I am to get your reminder, there are so many specialist lodges one can easily loose track. You are probably far too polite to say so, but it's worth noting the collective noun for the Senior Moaners - it's "A Load Of Old FOC'rs"

 

[rab]

17 hours ago, Jol Wilkinson said:

The FOC encompasses the sect of Moaners, some of whom have now achieved Senior Moaner status and can find fault with anything someone else does. 

 

 

If women were allowed in this sect,

SWMBO would be high up in the ranks

[luckymucklebackit]

Possibly a famous person fessing up to be a member of a lodge.

 

 

[CameronL]

On 15/09/2022 at 20:57, John Besley said:

How does one get to join this exclusive art ... Is there a correspondence course that one can do and paperwork to fill in and post back or is it all on the hew fangled hinternet

 

On 15/09/2022 at 23:12, KeithMacdonald said:

 

@John Besley - thanks for asking, you may well indeed be a suitable candidate.

 

EBCR brethren regularly attend Model Railway Shows, scouting for new talent. The key to getting noticed as a suitable candidate is to visit each show stand in turn. At each, one must get as close as possible to whoever is running the stand, then find something gratuitously offensive to complain about. Marks are awarded for how loudly you complain, how much of a reaction you get from the stand operators, and how original the complaint is.

 

 

@KeithMacdonald shows a deep insight here into the recruiting tactics of the EBCR. Mystery still shrouds their initiation ceremony - usually held in a suitable shed or similar railway room - and the terrifying rituals and blood-curdling oaths involved. Following this, the initiate can rise through the ranks of the Brethern from Novice Whiner, through Junior Carper, Full Carper, Senior Bleater, Master Caviler and High Moaner to the exalted rank of Grand Master Complainer, after which the candidate is awarded the title of Querentes Senex, and considered to be an authority on all matters of railway authenticity (if only in his own opinion). 

Edited September 17, 2022 by CameronL
Changed a bit

[kevinlms]

There was an article about this topic, by the late Brian Monaghan. It appeared under the title 'A perfect bore every time - the club member everyone knows' and was in Model Railway Constructor for 1975 December.

[KeithMacdonald]

3 hours ago, CameronL said:

Mystery still shrouds their initiation ceremony - usually held in a suitable shed or similar railway room - and the terrifying rituals and blood-curdling oaths involved

 

Brother @CameronL has quite correctly drawn a discrete veil over the rituals and oaths involved. If I revealed them here, I might wake up dead and mutilated, and buried on a beach at low tide.

 

Suffice to say that it can have side-effects on the senses of the newly-initiated brethren. Mostly notably on their hearing (you have to tell them everything several times), their eyesight & perception of colour tones, and their memory.  In many cases, it can lead to a total failure of their sense of humour.

 

But, strangely, their ability to consume alcohol is sometimes massively increased.

[CameronL]

16 minutes ago, KeithMacdonald said:

If I revealed them here, I might wake up dead and mutilated, and buried on a beach at low tide.

A terrible end, particularly as it involves the insertion of The Red-Hot Rivet of Punishment as a dreadful warning to those who divulge the secrets of the EBCR.

[Steamport Southport]

On 16/09/2022 at 14:01, kevinlms said:

All the time the EBCR is waffling on, while not watching what is going on within the layout behind the EBCR, the layout operator is deliberately running a train that contravenes everything that is being said.

Examples are running a loco such as a Jinty, piloting a Duchess on the Coronation Scot, but bunker first.

Or else, Thomas is banking a Class 66 on a train of container flats, depending on period.

 

I would have expected that to have happened seeing as they were station pilots.

 

I've seen photos of Panniers and Prairies piloting Kings and Castles on expresses before. Often a method of moving locomotives between sections to avoid a light engine movement. 

 

Those photos of LNWR locomotives double heading aren't always what they seem. The locomotive in front is usually just being moved to where it's needed rather than pulling the train.

 

 

Jason

[KeithMacdonald]

4 hours ago, CameronL said:

A terrible end, particularly as it involves the insertion of The Red-Hot Rivet of Punishment as a dreadful warning to those who divulge the secrets of the EBCR.

 

@CameronL - too true!  The Baby Eating Bishop of Bath and Wells is alive and well and serving as Grand Chaplain, Chief Enforcer and Debt Collector of the EBCR. There are very few brethren who dare to be late paying their annual dues!

[F-UnitMad]

I'm getting sick of this - I'm starting a new movement - KNICKERS TO RIVET COUNTING. The main aim of this movement is to give members of the EBCR forty fits of spluttering apoplectic fury, by utterly & totally defying their august Wisdom & Authority.

 

I'll start with a photo of some of my track. This says Knickers to the established wisdom that track MUST be laid smooth, level and free of kinks.

 

It works perfectly reliably, too. I call this video Knickers to Realism, as although the track is close to prototypical for the more decrepit American Short Line, the speed of this train over it is not.... but nothing derails either. 😝😝😝

Plenty of movement there, for the KNICKERS TO... movement. 😁😁😁

[kevinlms]

7 hours ago, F-UnitMad said:

I'm getting sick of this - I'm starting a new movement - KNICKERS TO RIVET COUNTING. The main aim of this movement is to give members of the EBCR forty fits of spluttering apoplectic fury, by utterly & totally defying their august Wisdom & Authority.

 

I'll start with a photo of some of my track. This says Knickers to the established wisdom that track MUST be laid smooth, level and free of kinks.

 

It works perfectly reliably, too. I call this video Knickers to Realism, as although the track is close to prototypical for the more decrepit American Short Line, the speed of this train over it is not.... but nothing derails either. 😝😝😝

Plenty of movement there, for the KNICKERS TO... movement. 😁😁😁

But that's American!

[F-UnitMad]

1 hour ago, kevinlms said:

But that's American!

Yes, a.k.a. "Foreign" - also calculated to enrage the Upper Echelons of the EBCR, as it fulfills some, if not all, of the major criteria for Complaints of the highest level at Exhiitions. If they stay true to their Blinkered Philosophy, they should skip straight past it on this Forum, just as they would walk straight past "JAAL"* at a Show, whilst loudly proclaiming their core Beliefs. ("Foreign rubbsh", "Can't relate to it", "Not my area of Interest", ad nauseum....)

 

* Just Another American Layout.

[CameronL]

13 hours ago, F-UnitMad said:

I'm getting sick of this - I'm starting a new movement - KNICKERS TO RIVET COUNTING. The main aim of this movement is to give members of the EBCR forty fits of spluttering apoplectic fury, by utterly & totally defying their august Wisdom & Authority.

 

I'll start with a photo of some of my track. This says Knickers to the established wisdom that track MUST be laid smooth, level and free of kinks.

I can't see what the EBCR could have to complain about with that. To me it looks like a remarkably accurate representation of many US railway tracks. Your attention to detail is commendable.

 

But I do like the idea of KTRC. Instead of suffering the petty carpings and nit-picking of the EBCR, make sport of their pastime. How? By deliberately introducing inaccuracies into your layout to court negative comments. So, when these comments come, as they inevitably will, just shrug  and say "I know. So what?" It will infuriate the rivet-counters that nobody cares about their pronouncements.

 

Maybe exhibition organisers could encourage such action, by offering their exhibitors prizes in the following two categories -

1. The glaring inaccuracy which received the most complaints from the public
2. The glaring inaccuracy which went totally unremarked for the entire duration of the show.

Inaccuracies would be registered with the organisers before the start of the exhibition. The potential for such bloopers is vast -

• If a layout is late-crest and set in the Far North of Scotland, run  a train  pulled by a green, late-crest diesel, but make sure it's a Hymek.
• On a pre-grouping  layout, include a 1950s era Transfesa ferry van in a freight train. Of course, to avoid being too obvious it must be repainted in the  company colours.
• On any layout with a road bridge hiding the entrance to the fiddle yard, put the cliche bus going across it. The bus should be of the right period for the layout, but painted in the colours of an obscure Isle of Man bus company (unless you model Manx railways, in which case it should be Cornish).
• Put Ballchulish station building on a Southern Railway layout.
• In any layout set after 1964 include a train of fish vans.

The list is endless. However, subtlety is the key here. The appearance of a Class 68 on a pre-grouping layout, or a King Arthur pulling a container train, might get an  easy point in category 1, but under KTRC rules might be considered unsporting. 

 

Knickers To Rivet Counting. Love it!

Edited September 18, 2022 by CameronL
Typo

[kevinlms]

2 hours ago, CameronL said:

 

 

4 hours ago, F-UnitMad said:

Yes, a.k.a. "Foreign" - also calculated to enrage the Upper Echelons of the EBCR, as it fulfills some, if not all, of the major criteria for Complaints of the highest level at Exhiitions. If they stay true to their Blinkered Philosophy, they should skip straight past it on this Forum, just as they would walk straight past "JAAL"* at a Show, whilst loudly proclaiming their core Beliefs. ("Foreign rubbsh", "Can't relate to it", "Not my area of Interest", ad nauseum....)

 

* Just Another American Layout.

Nothing wrong with American railways. Does it particularly interest me, not really - because there is enough of my own interests, without becoming diverted.

[009 micro modeller]

On 18/09/2022 at 11:06, CameronL said:

But I do like the idea of KTRC. Instead of suffering the petty carpings and nit-picking of the EBCR, make sport of their pastime. How? By deliberately introducing inaccuracies into your layout to court negative comments. So, when these comments come, as they inevitably will, just shrug  and say "I know. So what?" It will infuriate the rivet-counters that nobody cares about their pronouncements.

I met an exhibitor once who claimed that he built all his 009 locos with slightly incorrect wheel arrangements for this exact reason.

[Chris M]

On 18/09/2022 at 11:06, CameronL said:

I can't see what the EBCR could have to complain about with that. To me it looks like a remarkably accurate representation of many US railway tracks. Your attention to detail is commendable.

 

But I do like the idea of KTRC. Instead of suffering the petty carpings and nit-picking of the EBCR, make sport of their pastime. How? By deliberately introducing inaccuracies into your layout to court negative comments. So, when these comments come, as they inevitably will, just shrug  and say "I know. So what?" It will infuriate the rivet-counters that nobody cares about their pronouncements.

 

Maybe exhibition organisers could encourage such action, by offering their exhibitors prizes in the following two categories -

1. The glaring inaccuracy which received the most complaints from the public
2. The glaring inaccuracy which went totally unremarked for the entire duration of the show.

Inaccuracies would be registered with the organisers before the start of the exhibition. The potential for such bloopers is vast -

• If a layout is late-crest and set in the Far North of Scotland, run  a train  pulled by a green, late-crest diesel, but make sure it's a Hymek.
• On a pre-grouping  layout, include a 1950s era Transfesa ferry van in a freight train. Of course, to avoid being too obvious it must be repainted in the  company colours.
• On any layout with a road bridge hiding the entrance to the fiddle yard, put the cliche bus going across it. The bus should be of the right period for the layout, but painted in the colours of an obscure Isle of Man bus company (unless you model Manx railways, in which case it should be Cornish).
• Put Ballchulish station building on a Southern Railway layout.
• In any layout set after 1964 include a train of fish vans.

The list is endless. However, subtlety is the key here. The appearance of a Class 68 on a pre-grouping layout, or a King Arthur pulling a container train, might get an  easy point in category 1, but under KTRC rules might be considered unsporting. 

 

Knickers To Rivet Counting. Love it!

I’ve been taking huge liberties for years and rather disappointingly nobody seems to have noticed. When running my 1968 stock I quite recklessly run a blue Warship with just one central BR emblem. At the same time I run a blue CCT with “express parcels” lettering. Surely everyone knows that both of these are just plain wrong for 1968. If I saw such bad mistakes on someone else’s layout at an exhibition I would have to have a quiet word with them.

[F-UnitMad]

22 minutes ago, Chris M said:

If I saw such bad mistakes on someone else’s layout at an exhibition I would have to have a quiet word with them.

Tut tut... that's just not the way for the EBCR. The idea is to have a LOUD word, with everyone within earshot, apart from the layout owner/operator, who shall be treated as if they are deaf, and invisible. 🙄😝

[Gilbert]

12 minutes ago, F-UnitMad said:

Tut tut... that's just not the way for the EBCR. The idea is to have a LOUD word, with everyone within earshot, apart from the layout owner/operator, who shall be treated as if they are deaf, and invisible. 🙄😝

Sorry - in order to be eligible for a LOUD word you need to have an "Obviously I've never built or exhibited anything myself" certificate.....

Chris H