steve1 Posted August 8, 2018 Share Posted August 8, 2018 This one's for Horsetan: My car broke down so I lifted the bonnet and saw a bat sitting on the engine. The bat said "Hello. You're a handsome fellow and very nicely dressed too". I thought - I can see the problem now. Bat flattery. steve Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stanley Melrose Posted August 8, 2018 Share Posted August 8, 2018 Nah - that's above his pay grade. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
coachmann Posted August 8, 2018 Share Posted August 8, 2018 While a blind man was waiting to cross the road, his dog pissed right up his leg. "That's the kindest thing I ever saw" said a passer bye....."It pissed all over your leg and you offered it a biscuit". "When I find where it mouth is, I'll kick it in the !". 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
APOLLO Posted August 8, 2018 Share Posted August 8, 2018 Brit15 8 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
davefromacrossthepond Posted August 8, 2018 Share Posted August 8, 2018 I'd vote for him! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
pH Posted August 9, 2018 Share Posted August 9, 2018 Are you as moral as you think you are? This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally. The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision. Only you will know the results, so remember that your answer needs to be honest. THE SITUATION: You are in Florida, Miami to be specific. There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding. This is a flood of biblical proportions. You are a photojournalist working for a major newspaper, and you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot career-making photos. There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing under the water. THE TEST: Suddenly you see a man in the water. He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken down with the debris. You move closer. Somehow the man looks familiar. You suddenly realize who it is. It's Donald Trump! At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him under forever. YOU HAVE TWO OPTIONS: You can save the life of Donald Trump or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the death of one of the world's most powerful Republican men hell bent on the destruction of America. THE QUESTION: Here's the question, and please give an honest answer. "Would you select high contrast color film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?" 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckymucklebackit Posted August 9, 2018 Share Posted August 9, 2018 I suspect that I would be completing with several people around me to film it on their phone, as sadly now seems to be the norm in actual life or death situations Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
APOLLO Posted August 9, 2018 Share Posted August 9, 2018 Brit15 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Budgie Posted August 9, 2018 RMweb Gold Share Posted August 9, 2018 As much as Pooh missed Piglet ... This was posted by Sidecar Racer on 3 August in the Things that make you smile thread. Please do not duplicate posts in the other jokes threads here. In my opinion it is tantamount to stealing other members' work, in that they thought of posting it first. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
APOLLO Posted August 9, 2018 Share Posted August 9, 2018 This was posted by Sidecar Racer on 3 August in the Things that make you smile thread. Please do not duplicate posts in the other jokes threads here. In my opinion it is tantamount to stealing other members' work, in that they thought of posting it first. Well Budgie this joke (and I suspect most others) was from a site totally disconnected to model trains. Not being a reader of every post and every thread on this (or any other forum) I gracefully accept that duplications will unknowingly occur at times. I wish others would also. I'm tired of reading such comments by the self appointed Joke police. Lighten up mate and get a life. Brit15 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium kevinlms Posted August 9, 2018 RMweb Premium Share Posted August 9, 2018 (edited) This was posted by Sidecar Racer on 3 August in the Things that make you smile thread. Please do not duplicate posts in the other jokes threads here. In my opinion it is tantamount to stealing other members' work, in that they thought of posting it first. Big deal. Its unrealistic to check that every joke has never been posted before! Edit to add. I did wonder if this would be the the outcome, when groups of similar content got set up. Edited August 9, 2018 by kevinlms Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Colin_McLeod Posted August 9, 2018 Author RMweb Gold Share Posted August 9, 2018 Given that most of the jokes here were doing the rounds in school perhaps they are ALL someone else's work. Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. :) Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthBrit Posted August 9, 2018 Share Posted August 9, 2018 Why was the road built? - - -- -- - -- -- So the chicken could cross. Hat -- coat -- Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
andytrains Posted August 9, 2018 Share Posted August 9, 2018 Why did the chicken cross the road. To sell its children to KFC. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckymucklebackit Posted August 9, 2018 Share Posted August 9, 2018 He passed his Flat Mate while crossing.... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Two_sugars Posted August 9, 2018 Share Posted August 9, 2018 (edited) Given that most of the jokes here were doing the rounds in school perhaps they are ALL someone else's work. Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. :) Why Howay Man . . . . Most of these Jokes were around when Noah Started the Ark. John And an edit to say that most of still laugh at them . . . Edited August 9, 2018 by Two_sugars 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium kevinlms Posted August 9, 2018 RMweb Premium Share Posted August 9, 2018 I say, I say, I say. My wife has gone to the West Indies. Jamaica? No she went of her own accord. Obviously MUCH more modern than Noah and his Ark! 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
kernowtim Posted August 9, 2018 Share Posted August 9, 2018 He passed his Flat Mate while crossing....Thought that was the hedgehog!! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
cromptonnut Posted August 9, 2018 Share Posted August 9, 2018 Why did the surrealist cross the road? Fishcake. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold BoD Posted August 9, 2018 RMweb Gold Share Posted August 9, 2018 Because it's too far to walk. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluebottle Posted August 9, 2018 Share Posted August 9, 2018 I say, I say, I say. My wife has gone to the West Indies. Jamaica? No she went of her own accord. Obviously MUCH more modern than Noah and his Ark! My MIL's gone to the East Indies. Jakarta? No, she flew with Singapore Airlines. 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Reorte Posted August 9, 2018 RMweb Premium Share Posted August 9, 2018 My MIL's gone to the East Indies. Jakarta? No, she flew with Singapore Airlines. My sister's gone to the USA. Where? Alaska. Thanks, let me know when she answers. 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-UnitMad Posted August 9, 2018 Share Posted August 9, 2018 The spirit of Allan Downes is still alive & well on this Thread, I see. 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted August 9, 2018 RMweb Premium Share Posted August 9, 2018 This is a true story, we've all heard the old joke about entry to a show or exhibition will be free to anyone over 90 accompanied by both parents. An Irish theatre actually printed that in their advertising. An elderly chap turned up with his birth certificate and two urns full of ashes, he got in for free. 8 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckymucklebackit Posted August 9, 2018 Share Posted August 9, 2018 Thought that was the hedgehog!! Hedgehog, Chicken what difference does it make..... Maybe that's why the wife doesn't send me to Asda to buy the Sunday Dinner Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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