cromptonnut Posted April 7, 2018 Share Posted April 7, 2018 The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession. “Of course, my son,” said the priest. “Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her.” “That’s a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess,” said the priest. “It’s worse than that, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors,” continued the old man. “Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk -you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly,” said the priest. “Thanks, Father,” said the old man. “That’s a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?” “Of course, my son,” said the priest. The old man asked, “Do I need to tell her that the war is over?” Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
cromptonnut Posted April 9, 2018 Share Posted April 9, 2018 Don't know if anyone was going to bet on the Grand National but here's a hot tip for you, a horse called Poloneck. I hear it's a great jumper. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
APOLLO Posted April 9, 2018 Share Posted April 9, 2018 Brit15 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 9, 2018 Share Posted April 9, 2018 Give a Scouser a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give him a fishing rod and he'll steal your car keys from your hall table. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
APOLLO Posted April 9, 2018 Share Posted April 9, 2018 Give a Scouser a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give him a fishing rod and he'll steal your car keys from your hall table. Just had a day out in Liverpool I visit the Hub Caps once a year !! Brit15 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
andytrains Posted April 10, 2018 Share Posted April 10, 2018 Give a Brummie a hammer and he can put screws in all day. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-UnitMad Posted April 10, 2018 Share Posted April 10, 2018 Give a Brummie a hammer and he can put screws in all day. It wasn't called the 'Brumagem Screwdriver' for nothing!! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted April 10, 2018 RMweb Premium Share Posted April 10, 2018 What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo? Ones very heavy and the others a little lighter....... Hat, coat and I'm outta here. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
APOLLO Posted April 12, 2018 Share Posted April 12, 2018 Brit15 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
APOLLO Posted April 12, 2018 Share Posted April 12, 2018 When they said he had Piles, I thought they meant Dollars ----- !! Brit15 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve1 Posted April 18, 2018 Share Posted April 18, 2018 "I've just built a model of Mount Everest." "Is it to scale?" "No, just to look at." steve 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Budgie Posted April 25, 2018 RMweb Gold Share Posted April 25, 2018 Since the new royal baby was born on St George's Day, I suggest the obvious name for him: ... Day. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
cromptonnut Posted April 25, 2018 Share Posted April 25, 2018 Since the new royal baby was born on St George's Day, I suggest the obvious name for him: ... Day. Same thing happened with my friend, Pancake. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stanley Melrose Posted April 25, 2018 Share Posted April 25, 2018 Years ago I went to a conference and one of the speakers (from the USA - where else?) bore the name Cherry Pancake. My sister went to school with Hazel Brown. Len Plum, a colleague at Ford Dagenham called his daughter Victoria. I'd love it if the parasites called their latest, Jeremy. Stan Same thing happened with my friend, Pancake. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold chris p bacon Posted April 25, 2018 RMweb Gold Share Posted April 25, 2018 A true story. I did some work for a couple, before marriage her name was Cherry ???(something), she married a Paul Orchard.....she kept her maiden name 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Dagworth Posted April 25, 2018 RMweb Gold Share Posted April 25, 2018 Don't know if anyone was going to bet on the Grand National but here's a hot tip for you, a horse called Poloneck. I hear it's a great jumper. I took your advice, trouble is that halfway around the course the damned thing decided to pullover Andi Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
kernowtim Posted April 25, 2018 Share Posted April 25, 2018 (edited) A true story. I did some work for a couple, before marriage her name was Cherry ???(something), she married a Paul Orchard.....she kept her maiden name I used to work with a woman called Ann , she was going to get married to a Mr King, she kept her maiden name too!! (true story) Edited April 25, 2018 by kernowtim Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Ian Smeeton Posted April 25, 2018 RMweb Premium Share Posted April 25, 2018 Years ago I was working in a hotel. Odd names cropped up from time to time. I used to sell wine, part time, as well. I was given a lead to a catering manager called Annie Trembler. I paused, before phoning, and mentioned it to the hotel manager, who fell about laughing. The phone rang, in reception, and was answered. Apparently the lady who called had left some underwear behind, when she stayed the previous night. Could we check? Certainly, which room did you stay in? She couldn't remember, But the room was in her boyfriends' name. Johnathon Grope We managed to keep a straight face, as she was put on hold, and housekeeping checked their 'Lost Property'. The items hgad been found, should we send them to the registered address. No, Ok then, where should we send them? To me, she said. Name and address.... Alison Scruse We still managed to keep straight faces....Just Matter settled, the phone rang again. A Travel agent looking for a room for the night, just a single. Name, no problem, is this a company booking or private? Company, she said. Electrolux Leisure Appliances. At that point, we lost it Regards Ian Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
108 Posted April 25, 2018 Share Posted April 25, 2018 A true story. I did some work for a couple, before marriage her name was Cherry ???(something), she married a Paul Orchard.....she kept her maiden name Cherry Orchard is a suburb of Dublin. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold chris p bacon Posted April 25, 2018 RMweb Gold Share Posted April 25, 2018 Cherry Orchard is a suburb of Dublin. Is that the Black side of Dublin ?....I'm Black and I'm proud.... (Courtesy of the Commitments). 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
APOLLO Posted April 27, 2018 Share Posted April 27, 2018 Brit15 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-UnitMad Posted April 28, 2018 Share Posted April 28, 2018 Brit15 "Herman" cartoons are quite brilliant. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
andytrains Posted May 1, 2018 Share Posted May 1, 2018 A true story. I did some work for a couple, before marriage her name was Cherry ???(something), she married a Paul Orchard.....she kept her maiden name Probably Cherry by name, but not by nature anymore! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
andytrains Posted May 1, 2018 Share Posted May 1, 2018 One of the lads down the model club bought loads of biscuits from the sell-by bin at his local supermarket. There were loads left at the end of the evening, so he said 'take them home' which I did. The missus said, 'you are trying to make me fat'. I said, 'Not me. You have done a pretty good job of it on your own'. (The black eye still smarts a bit). Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
andytrains Posted May 1, 2018 Share Posted May 1, 2018 I was at the supermarket checkout the other day and the cashier said, 'Bag for life'. I said, 'No, I already have one, here she is'. (The other eye is smarting now). Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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