Baby Deltic Posted April 18, 2020 Share Posted April 18, 2020 1 9 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Baby Deltic Posted April 19, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted April 19, 2020 1 1 19 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baby Deltic Posted April 19, 2020 Share Posted April 19, 2020 1 2 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanuts Posted April 19, 2020 Share Posted April 19, 2020 see the Devon and Cornwall retro music festival has had to be cancelled organisers couldnt agree who to put on first the jam or cream 1 1 11 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
raymw Posted April 19, 2020 Share Posted April 19, 2020 A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet." He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?" Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other. She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine." The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very, closely: "Are - my - test - results - back?" 3 13 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium newbryford Posted April 19, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted April 19, 2020 (edited) Another from FB Edited April 19, 2020 by newbryford 5 10 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
DavidB-AU Posted April 19, 2020 Share Posted April 19, 2020 9 hours ago, newbryford said: Another from FB Very similar... 1 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted April 19, 2020 Share Posted April 19, 2020 2 1 2 14 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold The Johnster Posted April 20, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted April 20, 2020 (edited) My favourite ever quote comes from Lincoln's time, but it's not his. Apparently one of his Civil War generals' last words on this earth were 'nonsense, at this range they couldn't hit an elepha...'. I don't think they were aiming at the elepha, general! Edited April 20, 2020 by The Johnster 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baby Deltic Posted April 20, 2020 Share Posted April 20, 2020 2 9 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gopher Posted April 20, 2020 Share Posted April 20, 2020 A man takes his wife to get tested. Two days later he gets a call from the lab. Doctor - I'm sorry to inform you that your wife's test results were mixed up with another patient's. We are not sure if she has COVID-19 or Alzheimers disease. Man - so what am I supposed to do now ? Doctor - Take her for a long walk and leave her. If she finds her way back home, don't open the door. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hope this does not offend anyone, I will of course remove it if that is the case. 1 15 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
raymw Posted April 20, 2020 Share Posted April 20, 2020 3 8 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Kingzance Posted April 20, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted April 20, 2020 53 minutes ago, Baby Deltic said: Could that be for drinking p!ss? 1 1 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-UnitMad Posted April 20, 2020 Share Posted April 20, 2020 1 hour ago, The Johnster said: My favourite ever quote comes from Lincoln's time, but it's not his. Apparently one of his Civil War generals' last words on this earth were 'nonsense, at this range they couldn't hit an elepha...'. I don't think they were aiming at the elepha, general! General John Sedgwick. https://www.phrases.org.uk/famous-last-words/john-sedgwick.html Although from eye witness accounts they were his penultimate words rather than final, and he wasn't cut down in mid-sentence. 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-UnitMad Posted April 20, 2020 Share Posted April 20, 2020 1 hour ago, Baby Deltic said: Would he get arrested if he stuck his tongue out? 1 8 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Popular Post slow8dirty Posted April 20, 2020 RMweb Gold Popular Post Share Posted April 20, 2020 22 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted April 21, 2020 Share Posted April 21, 2020 I always try to save the environment by doing simple things like turning the light off when I leave a room. And that is why I got sacked from my job as a lighthouse keeper.... 14 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthBrit Posted April 21, 2020 Share Posted April 21, 2020 One of the most useless purchases of 2019 -- A 2020 Planner 1 9 1 7 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
raymw Posted April 21, 2020 Share Posted April 21, 2020 As a change from posts on here taking the p!ss from the beloved Donald, here's a summary of what some other brainiacs said a few weeks ago. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lxOk9GGo0N8 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Enterprisingwestern Posted April 21, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted April 21, 2020 18 minutes ago, raymw said: As a change from posts on here taking the p!ss from the beloved Donald, here's a summary of what some other brainiacs said a few weeks ago. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lxOk9GGo0N8 That's unfair picking on the Americans, such an easy target!! Mike. 4 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RJS1977 Posted April 21, 2020 Share Posted April 21, 2020 On 19/04/2020 at 23:37, DavidB-AU said: Very similar... Or even: 2 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post APOLLO Posted April 21, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted April 21, 2020 bRIT15 1 6 1 1 15 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanuts Posted April 21, 2020 Share Posted April 21, 2020 when lord Nelson died he was five feet tall his statue in trafalgar square is fifteen feet tall thats an horatio of three to one ! 1 1 13 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RJS1977 Posted April 21, 2020 Share Posted April 21, 2020 I thought the H0ratio was 1:87.... ;-) 5 1 8 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baby Deltic Posted April 21, 2020 Share Posted April 21, 2020 2 hours ago, APOLLO said: bRIT15 Mine did over 1000 miles last week. 4 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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