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The Forum Jokes Thread


Colin_McLeod
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Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

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On 02/07/2020 at 18:29, PenrithBeacon said:

IMG-20200702-WA0000.jpg

Caption competition - "Doctor McCoy still hadn't plucked up the courage to have to a chat with Ensign Chumley about his excessive flatulence."

Edited by CameronL
Got the name wrong
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11 minutes ago, Gibbo675 said:

Hi Phil,

 

I once placed an order for five dozen grinding discs only to be told they only come in boxes of ten.

 

Gibbo.

 

This made me consider the unit of quantitative measure "dozen", and how many younger members of the population are familiar with it?. Will dozen in time become as obscure as drice, flowing and pice?.

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22 hours ago, PenrithBeacon said:

IMG-20200702-WA0000.jpg

No Mr. Spock, I don't need a bl***y face covering!  Why?  Because we both know that, mask or not, I'm going to meet a horrible death later in this seen so why bother.

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23 hours ago, PenrithBeacon said:

IMG-20200702-WA0000.jpg

Caption Competition...

Based on where the Redshirt is pointing his Phaser, he's thinking..... "Turn the tables. Avenge my mates - just pull the trigger. Just pull the trigger...."

 

Edit: interesting Wikipedia factiod about Star Trek Original Series Redshirts -

"Of the 59 crew members killed in the series, 43 (73%) were wearing red shirts."

Edited by F-UnitMad
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EW20WLMXsAAVHTU.jpg.53b8836fe37b3cc84c4e6cd9c62f1e0c.jpg

Sowing the seeds of their own destruction, the security officers hadn't paid any attention during Doctor McCoy's talk on social distancing 

Edited by CameronL
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Did the shirt colors have anything to do with their work? When I was on the Kitty Hawk (CVA-63) attached to RVAH-6, I noticed that different flight deck specialties had different color shirts. Mine was brown for squadron level plane handling, green was squadron level aviation maintenance, purple was ship-level fuel handling, red was all ordinance, yellow was ship-level plane handling, white was safety. There may be (probably were) a few others but they escape me now. I know that there were designated medical personal for the flight deck but have no idea what they wore, but  probably something with a red cross on it. Hmmm, maybe this should be cross-posted to the "like ships" thread. Yes, I think that I shall do that.

Edited by J. S. Bach
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15 minutes ago, J. S. Bach said:

Did the shirt colors have anything to do with their work? When I was on the Kitty Hawk (CVA-63) attached to RVAH-6, I noticed that different flight deck specialties had different color shirts. Mine was brown for squadron level plane handling, green was squadron level aviation maintenance, purple was ship-level fuel handling, red was all ordinance, yellow was ship-level plane handling, white was safety. There may be (probably were) a few others but they escape me now. I know that there were designated medical personal for the flight deck but have no idea what they wore, but  probably something with a red cross on it. Hmmm, maybe this should be cross-posted to the "like ships" thread. Yes, I think that I shall do that.

Hi J. S.

 

It's nothing like that complicated:

  • Red - Manchester United
  • Blue - Chelsea
  • Gold - Wolverhampton Wanderers

Gibbo.

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I was never a "fan". Watched it, but never got obsessed about it like I did with Star Wars and Doctor Who.

 

Looking on Wiki. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Star_Trek_uniforms

 

Quote

command and helm personnel wear gold shirts; operations, engineering and security personnel wear red; and science and medical personnel wear blue, all with black collars and undershirts.

 

 The most commonly used Command Section shirts were actually olive-green in color, but they appeared to be a golden-yellow color called "tenne" both under the lights used on the set and in the post-development film stock. In later series, the gold color was canonized in dialog.

 

 

 

Jason

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5 hours ago, Steamport Southport said:

 

I take it that's a place called Macdonalds rather than the well known high street "restaurant"?

 

In McDonalds you would just have the server telling you the sugar and milk is "over there". You don't think they do it for you do you....

 

 

 

More pedantry I'm afraid. 

 

Well, I can out pedant you!

In the local branch of McDonald's (note spelling) you are not allowed to touch the sugar etc and it is put in for you.

Yah, boo, sucks.

 

Mike.

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4 hours ago, J. S. Bach said:

Did the shirt colors have anything to do with their work? When I was on the Kitty Hawk (CVA-63) attached to RVAH-6, I noticed that different flight deck specialties had different color shirts. Mine was brown for squadron level plane handling, green was squadron level aviation maintenance, purple was ship-level fuel handling, red was all ordinance, yellow was ship-level plane handling, white was safety. There may be (probably were) a few others but they escape me now. I know that there were designated medical personal for the flight deck but have no idea what they wore, but  probably something with a red cross on it. Hmmm, maybe this should be cross-posted to the "like ships" thread. Yes, I think that I shall do that.


Must have been confusing for colourblind crew members!

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4 hours ago, Steamport Southport said:

I was never a "fan". Watched it, but never got obsessed about it like I did with Star Wars and Doctor Who.


I had an American boss who had been an audience member at one of the test screenings of a pilot for the show. His verdict had been “No chance of success”. 

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5 minutes ago, pH said:


I had an American boss who had been an audience member at one of the test screenings of a pilot for the show. His verdict had been “No chance of success”. 

My Dad or maybe Mother said of the first US showing of the Beatles on the Ed Sullivan show words to the effect of: "AH, they will not go anywhere." Both lived to see otherwise.

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True story at the builders merchants,some years back....

 

"Have you got any 2" downpipe?

 

"No, we don't sell 2" pipe anymore, now it's 63mm.  (We then consulted the tape measure ).

 

"Fine, what's the price?

 

"42 pence, per foot.......

Edited by tomparryharry
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45 minutes ago, tomparryharry said:

True story at the builders merchants,some years back....

 

"Have you got any 2" downpipe?

 

"No, we don't sell 2" pipe anymore, now it's 63mm.  (We then consulted the tape measure ).

 

"Fine, what's the price?

 

"42 pence, per foot.......

 

In the steel mill that I worked some years ago, all the tube sizes were imperial for OD and metric for wall thickness, so you would have 6⅝" O.D. by 7.11mm wall thickness, which was of course sold to the customer as 6" nominal bore

 

Jim

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1 hour ago, tomparryharry said:

No, we don't sell 2" pipe anymore, now it's 63mm.  (We then consulted the tape measure ).

 

63mm is more like 2 1/2".

 

David

(Honorary Member of the Pedants Society)

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