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How to get lynched at a model railway show


BR60103
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Sadly for me the chap that kept trying to push me out of the way at the Squires stall at Uckfield yesterday almost made me vomit. The smell was beyond the pale. Unwashed BO, stale fags, and something akin to p1ss. To quote Red Dwarf Eu de Yak urine.

I think I'd have moved out of the way voluntarily!!

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Sadly for me the chap that kept trying to push me out of the way at the Squires stall at Uckfield yesterday almost made me vomit. The smell was beyond the pale. Unwashed BO, stale fags, and something akin to p1ss. To quote Red Dwarf Eu de Yak urine.

Did you try your famous "fierce" look?

Tony

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Sadly for me the chap that kept trying to push me out of the way at the Squires stall at Uckfield yesterday almost made me vomit. The smell was beyond the pale. Unwashed BO, stale fags, and something akin to p1ss. To quote Red Dwarf Eu de Yak urine.

I'm glad I went today then!!!

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Sadly for me the chap that kept trying to push me out of the way at the Squires stall at Uckfield yesterday almost made me vomit. The smell was beyond the pale. Unwashed BO, stale fags, and something akin to p1ss. To quote Red Dwarf Eu de Yak urine.

Ah well you see that's all part of the plan Andrew...... :stinker:  the odour is an early warning system and once you have encountered that and you haven't moved quickly the push is the final attack  :triniti:  :triniti:

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Still ok for doing sausages (and roo's I spose) then.

Doing sausages, I suppose one way of causing a stink at a railway show, would be to have some authentic toilet waste on the tracks. As recently as January 2015 the BBC discovered that 1 in 10 trains dumped sewage on the tracks - http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-30541015 . Had they looked into it twenty years earlier (?) they would have found that 10 in 10 dumped it there. Oh, no - not 10/10 - there were those like our lovely 313s that don't dump anything because they don't have toilets.

I am now looking forward to our scenic threads picking this one up and giving us handy hints on the shape and colour of the deposits and the range of scatter of the toilet paper. Well perhaps 'picking this one up' is not quite the right turn of phrase. It's only (good) dog walkers that do that.

Edited by phil_sutters
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From time to time we hear anecdotes about British show layouts - usually branch lines - being operated on exactly this premise, where nothing seems to happen! :jester:

 

Why not go further, and exhibit an abandoned station after closure of the line, after the rails have been lifted, and with weeds, nettles, bracken, etc. taking over? That saves on having to run anything! :jester: Several locations on the former GC London Extension look suitable....

Don't laugh too hard. Just such a layout (well a diorama anyway) did appear at Expometrique near Paris a few years ago. It was a very well observed model of an abandoned level crossing with the remaining track buried in weeds and enough missing roof tiles to ensure that the crossing keeper's cottage would not be long for this world.

 

You do though have to be wary of abandoned railways in France. In about 2000-2001 I visited the remains of a metre gauge line where I had seen a goods train running along decidedly dodgy track just before it closed completely in 1988. What I found was very sad. The track hadn't yet been lifted but the sleepers were rotting,small trees were growing between the rails and even with a machette you'd have found it very difficult to penetrate the actual track bed. 

 

Three years later I saw the same section of track again but this time from the end platform of a train run by the Société pour l’Animation du Blanc Argent (SABA) who have succesfully reopened as a tourist line the whole 27km abandoned section of this classic metre gauge line between Lucay-le-Male and Argy. SABA have been a particularly energetic preservation group and are actively seeking to take over the recently closed section of the Blanc-Argent between Lucay-le-Male and Valencay. The rest of the remaining Blanc-Argent from Valencay to Salbris (67kms) is still in commercial operation with modern railcars.      

Edited by Pacific231G
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Nah. Out of shot to the right (in small letters) is "sponsored by the Pea Farmers Association"

 

:-)

I thought it was a Birds Eye Advert...

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Honeymoon salad: Lettuce alone.

The groom 'phones room service the morning after and orders lettuce for breakfast.

 

The receptionist queries this as it is an unusual order and gets the reply

 

"I want to see if she eats like one too."

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In a similar vein...

 

A local paper reporter was despatched to interview a woman who had reached the grand age of 100.

During the interview, the woman touched on the fact that her husband (God rest his soul) left her many years ago after his relatively short heavy smoking, hard drinking, out-all-hours dancing life.

"Do you smoke?" asked the hack. "Tried it once, didn't like it" was the reply.

"Alcohol?" "Tried it once, didn't like it."

"Dancing?" "Tried it once, didn't like it."

Exasperated, the reporter then said, "You've only the one child,then?"...

Edited by talisman56
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In a similar vein...

 

A local paper reporter was despatched to interview a woman who had reached the grand age of 100.

During the interview, the woman touched on the fact that her husband (God rest his soul) left her many years ago after his relatively short heavy smoking, hard drinking, out-all-hours dancing life.

"Do you smoke?" asked the hack. "Tried it once, didn't like it" was the reply.

"Alcohol?" "Tried it once, didn't like it."

"Dancing?" "Tried it once, didn't like it."

Exasperated, the reporter then said, "You've only the one child,then?"...

Sid James in Carry on Abroad

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R8Bi2cYEU5s

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I donno about getting lynched at a show, but one way to ensure you kept a compartment to yourself (in the old days, when most trains had 'em! ;) ) was to start sneezing violently whenever someone looked like they might want to come in...

 

Raucous laughter, if there was two or more of you, also tended to keep 'em out!... :lol:

 

Mate of mine's dad used to do the sneezing dodge, until one day he tried it on a bloke who sneezed back enthusiastically, made some comment to the effect 'ah, I'll be among friends here, then', and settled in, to regale friend's dad with an unfettered snotfest all the way from Newport to Paddington!  I still think of this whenever I come across the phrase 'hoist by one's own petard'...

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