How to get lynched at a model railway show

[Porcy Mane]

Good idea but I guess a bit illegal for the politically correct 21st century.  Bot Bit like broken glass set in cement along the top of your walls. The summons is in the post.

 

I'd also have a jobby job on securing grippers rods to the top of my 6' high hedge. The local cat army don't come over the hedge. They normally come though it (backwards) whist stalking the local population of Dunnocks, blackbirds & house sparrows.

 

P

Edited August 6, 2016 by Porcy Mane

[Poggy1165]

During the civil war they used to dig for saltpetre to make gunpowder. A favourite digging spot, apparently, was under the women's seats in churches.

 

Of course, 17th Century sermons did tend to be a bit on the long side. (And on a historical note, this demonstrates that it was the custom for men and women to sit on opposite sides of the aisle, Apparently this only changed in the late 19th when some influential men decided that they wanted to sit with their wives.)

[ian]

Here's an old idea that could do with being reintroduced, instructions on toilet rolls...

[andytrains]

Here's an old idea that could do with being reintroduced, instructions on toilet rolls...

old idea.jpg

But the smelly bustards need to wash themselves and their clothes before they go to an exhibition.

(And at other times)..

Hang the lot of them and lets have a sweeter smelling show.

Rant Over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[newbryford]

Here's an old idea that could do with being reintroduced, instructions on toilet rolls...

old idea.jpg

 

Only needs three consecutive instructions.

 

One up

 

One down.

 

One to polish....................

 

Cheers,

Mick

[grahame]

There seems to be a lot of bog roll and toilet talk. So here's my contribution.

 

I was given a Man Utd FC roll of bog paper. The thought of wiping MUFC on my backside and flushing it down the loo is so wonderfully glorious that it prevents me using it for fear of losing the opportunity when it all gets quickly used up.

 

G.

[TheQ]

There seems to be a lot of bog roll and toilet talk. So here's my contribution.

 

I was given a Man Utd FC roll of bog paper. The thought of wiping MUFC on my backside and flushing it down the loo is so wonderfully glorious that it prevents me using it for fear of losing the opportunity when it all gets quickly used up.

 

G.

That wasn't what prevented us using, the grease proofpaper that was stamped Government issue.

 

it was just that it was totally cr.... useless...

[Porcy Mane]

There seems to be a lot of bog roll and toilet talk. So here's my contribution.

 

I was given a Man Utd FC roll of bog paper. 

 There appears to be some Man Utd talk appearing so here's another contribution from me.

Whilst visiting Old Trafford as an away supporter (sometime in the early 1970's) I was hit over the head with a bog seat.

 

Staying on the football/ablutions/aromas topic  the troughs in the posh gents lavatories at the Stadium of Light (Rhymes with?) are tiled with alternate Black & White tiles. Sporting psychology?

[BlackRat]

We once had the contents of a piss pot thrown out of the window on us as we were trying to gain entry with our 'special key'!

 

Luckily the miscreant rascal eventually saw the funny side (from th back of the ambulance) and he laughed all the way to A&E.

[Colin]

There seems to be a lot of bog roll and toilet talk. So here's my contribution.

I was given a Man Utd FC roll of bog paper. The thought of wiping MUFC on my backside and flushing it down the loo is so wonderfully glorious that it prevents me using it for fear of losing the opportunity when it all gets quickly used up.

G.

True, but you would get extra time in the bog when you use it........

[Jenny Emily]

At Durham University there is fierce rivalry between the colleges; most notably between University College and Hatfield. There were always attempts to get one over on the other college, including the regular bar invasions. One night the Hatfield invasion happened with the oafs piling into the bar shouting "You should have gone to Hatfield!" to which one wag shouted back: "What, so I can have be!!ends like you in my bar _every_ night?"

 

One time some wag found somewhere that could make bogrolls with designs printed on every sheet, so had a few dozen done with the Hatfield college crest on every sheet, then went around Hatfield college putting them in all the loos. That way Hatfield students could spend the night wiping themselves off on their own college crest.

[Porcy Mane]

I'm surprised they have time to raid each others bars. They're always in my local.

 

P

[bluebottle]

We once had the contents of a piss pot thrown out of the window on us as we were trying to gain entry with our 'special key'!

 

Luckily the miscreant rascal eventually saw the funny side (from th back of the ambulance) and he laughed all the way to A&E.

 

Reminds me of the Glasgow classic-

 

A policeman was walking down a street of tenements when he heard a voice from above.

 

"Hullo doon there!"

He looked up just in time to catch a lump of faecal matter in the face.

Staggering back, he roared "Ye dirty bastard!"

"Who you callin' a dirty bastard?" came the cool reply.

"Your face is a' shite!"

 

No doubt the officer dealt with the matter in an appropriate manner.

[jamie92208]

Many years ago we were called to a domestic at an ex NCB house at Methley Junction.  One ratherlarge lady,had smashed a full chamber pot over her little husband head.   Whilst trying to sort it out the husband came back to life and started arguing the toss with my mate, despite being drenched and rather smelly.  

 

Brian (No longer with us had been the village bobby there for many years and knew the couple well.   He told the husband to pipe down.  The little fellow took no notice so Brian, in his inimitable fashion picked him up by his lapels and hung him by his jacket collar on the hook on the back of the door.   He was left drumming his heel on the door as we left after giving appropriate advice to the couple.  

 

No doubt things would be done rather differently nowadays.  

 

Jamie

[Jenny Emily]

All this talk of taking the wee-wee reminds me of working a late shift up to Falkirk. Driving through Camelon, I saw one guy urinating in a doorway before taking out his keys, unlocking the door he had relieved himself on and letting himself in. I concluded that Camelon was 'one of those sort of places'.

[phil_sutters]

Model manufacturers haven't produced any current Southern Railway stock - except a 73 I think. That's not a problem now, down here on the Seaford Branch, as I can now use any number of different companies' buses and coaches instead. I can model and exhibit the Seaford station frontage with the A259 instead of track.*

Newhaven Harbour station is replaced by a corner of the harbour roadway. No need to buy any miniature people as no-one ever seems to get on or off the buses there. Oh, I forgot there needs to be the harbour authority security guard to raise the in and then out barriers!

Two bus shelters side-by-side account for the Newhaven Town station - but you would need a number of Spanish and Portugese artics to dress the ferry port truck park behind the shelters. There must be some HO scale trucks that would give a bit of a forced perpective view. A scented smoke machine would provide authentic smells from the drivers' barbeques. 

I would have to include the ostrich farm as the route passes through Piddinghoe! This feature is not visible from the railway on the other side of the Ouse valley, so this bustitution layout does have its advantages.

(I have fantasized about a Victorian steam tramway model, running on the west side of the Ouse valley, from Cliffe, in Lewes, via Iford, Northease, Rodmell, Southease, Piddinghoe, with a branch to Piddinghoe wharf, and on into Meeching - the former name of Newhaven. The places names are delightful and I have had a single deck brass tram body sitting in my spares box for 50+ years!)

A pair of bus-stop signs in a nice narrow leafy lane is all Southease warrants. The station is almost kilometre away across the valley, so doesn't even need to be painted into the backscene. The bus stop is actually where the village is.

Lewes overbridge station entrance appears in the corner of its scene, but is dwarfed by as many as four or five assorted buses. The dispatcher in his dayglo waistcoat is all the staff needed here and indeed anywhere along the route on some days.

Let's just hope bus anoraks don't visit model railway exhibitions when this appears. I just can't find a Seaford & District liveried Volvo B10BLE !

*(Of course on the railway side of the fence Seaford has the distinction of having one 12'car' platform - Platform 2. Platform 1 has no track so the announcement 'The train now arriving at Platform 1....." has not been heard for many years.)

Edited August 17, 2016 by phil_sutters

[AndrewC]

Getting back to exhibitions instead of bodily functions, once upon a time I suggested that my next exhibition layout would be the Channel tunnel. It would consist of a washing up tub sitting on a table covered in fake grass. Simples.

[rab]

Getting back to exhibitions instead of bodily functions, once upon a time I suggested that my next exhibition layout would be the Channel tunnel. It would consist of a washing up tub sitting on a table covered in fake grass. Simples.

I wish you well,

(in your attempts to get

this thread back on topic)!

[AndrewC]

rab, on 17 Aug 2016 - 08:06, said:

I wish you well,

(in your attempts to get

this thread back on topic)!

That's not going to happen, and we both know that. Just throwing in a curve ball to screw with people's minds.

[davefrk]

Punter said - 'Your layout must be DCC', why we said, 'because you're double heading that train and you can't do that on analogue'....

 

Yes it did happen.

 

Dave Franks.

Edited August 17, 2016 by davefrk

[Porcy Mane]

Punter said - 'Your layout must be DCC', why we said, 'because you're double heading that train you can't do that on analogue'....

 

Nice for you to get back on topic Dave. I'm sure this is what he meant by double heading on anal-log.

 

Maybe the punter was called John?

Maybe Mr. Head?

Possibly even John Head?

[Penlan]

Seeing Porcy Mane's photo, reminds me of a pub I use to visit in the early 60's, that was deep in the New Forest, near Lyndhurst, the gents was a circular room with urinals around the edge, but opposite the door was a sit down, no screens or anything, and the door was about 12 feet away, so no chance to stop it opening with your foot.

The other thing I remember about the pub was most of those drinking there where around 5' 4" tall, so my friends and I, at circa 5' 10", looked out over a sea of caps.

 

And being mindful which Forum I'm on...... Not a lot of modelling was done in those days.

Edited August 17, 2016 by Penlan

[BR60103]

Since I seem to have lost control of this thread ...

 

In the Calgary heritage village, there is a hotel with a two-storey outhouse beside it. The upper storey had a walkway to the rooms of the hotel for those residing.

After the NMRA convention there, the bulletin had a spread on applying the Whyte classification system to multi-storey biffies.

[talisman56]

Maybe the punter was called John?

Maybe Mr. Head?

Possibly even John Head?

 

Richard Head...

 

Hat, coat, etc.

[griffgriff]

Getting back to exhibitions instead of bodily functions, once upon a time I suggested that my next exhibition layout would be the Channel tunnel. It would consist of a washing up tub sitting on a table covered in fake grass. Simples.

I once constructed a model of a submarine... Submerged. It was simply some extruded sprue formed, by carving and sanding, into a periscope and mounted on a sheet of board. I was quite pleased with the mid Altantic green sea surface highlighted with oil paints. It was one of the best models I ever built