KeithMacdonald Posted December 21, 2019 Share Posted December 21, 2019 Subject: Should children witness childbirth? Due to a power outage at the time, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Kathryn, a 3 year old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her mummy (Helen) so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathryn did as she was asked. Helen pushed and pushed, and after a little while Colin was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Colin began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Kathryn for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3 year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Kathryn quickly responded. "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the firstplace. Smack him again." 1 16 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post gordon s Posted December 21, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted December 21, 2019 1 2 23 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium kevinlms Posted December 21, 2019 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 21, 2019 1 hour ago, gordon s said: Definitely not my other half, if it came to a choice between a dog and me, guess who would miss out! 1 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jcredfer Posted December 21, 2019 Share Posted December 21, 2019 2 hours ago, kevinlms said: Definitely not my other half, if it came to a choice between a dog and me, guess who would miss out! I bet you considered learning to bark, too!! Julian 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Jamiel Posted December 21, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted December 21, 2019 (edited) From Facebook. Happy Christmas everyone (as Noddy Holder did day). Edited December 21, 2019 by Jamiel 1 21 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeithMacdonald Posted December 21, 2019 Share Posted December 21, 2019 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gibbo675 Posted December 21, 2019 Share Posted December 21, 2019 1 hour ago, KeithMacdonald said: Hi Kieth, You will get into bother with the thought police for this one !!! Gibbo. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeithMacdonald Posted December 21, 2019 Share Posted December 21, 2019 1 hour ago, Gibbo675 said: You will get into bother with the thought police for this one !!! Oops, too late! I've already met St.Greta and her diesel-powered support crew in Plymouth. Doh! not supposed to mention that either. 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Popular Post newbryford Posted December 21, 2019 RMweb Premium Popular Post Share Posted December 21, 2019 4 21 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium newbryford Posted December 21, 2019 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 21, 2019 Could be worse - his sat nav could be faulty 5 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sprintex Posted December 22, 2019 Share Posted December 22, 2019 1 1 13 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post KeithMacdonald Posted December 22, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted December 22, 2019 Married And Content A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, 'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold.' 'I have a better idea,' she replied, 'Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married.' 'Wow! That's a great idea!', he exclaimed. 'Good,' she replied, 'get your own ******* blanket!' After a moment of silence, he farted. 3 1 21 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D-A-T Posted December 23, 2019 Share Posted December 23, 2019 Q. Which Spice Girl can carry petrol better than the rest of them? A. Geri can... 1 8 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckymucklebackit Posted December 23, 2019 Share Posted December 23, 2019 (edited) On 20/12/2019 at 23:27, Steamport Southport said: Two topical ones. Jason Sod Star Wars 60 days and counting to Model Rail Scotland. (With apologies to anyone in a panic to get their layout finished in time - know that feeling!) Edited December 23, 2019 by luckymucklebackit 3 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted December 23, 2019 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 23, 2019 On 20/12/2019 at 10:47, PhilJ W said: My wife was overjoyed when I told her I'd booked a table for Christmas day. I didn't even know she could play snooker. She has just found out that it's a snooker table. Unfortunately she had a cue in her hand at the time. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Dave Hunt Posted December 23, 2019 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 23, 2019 Phil, I guess that walking may be a tad difficult after she's disposed of the cue but look on the bright side - you'll have your own built-in shooting stick. Dave 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raymw Posted December 23, 2019 Share Posted December 23, 2019 Husband: “I changed a light bulb today. ” Wife: “ That's it? I did the laundry, vacuumed the house, washed windows, cooked three meals, and the list goes on and on ... And you changed a single light bulb? Husband: “Yep, that’s what I did today. Watch this; I filmed me doing it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1BgzIZRfT8 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold BoD Posted December 23, 2019 RMweb Gold Share Posted December 23, 2019 Bet you he's glad the bulb he had with him had the correct fitting. 3 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted December 23, 2019 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 23, 2019 I just hope it didn't slip from his fingers as he was about to fit it. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckymucklebackit Posted December 23, 2019 Share Posted December 23, 2019 Colud they not just make the tower like the modern platform lights that hinge down at the bottom? 2 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted December 23, 2019 Share Posted December 23, 2019 58 minutes ago, PhilJ W said: I just hope it didn't slip from his fingers as he was about to fit it. Like this? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jXalhnH7Y0Q Jason 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raymw Posted December 23, 2019 Share Posted December 23, 2019 (edited) Here's a shorter tower, lowered . https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K4vghs8DxOE no point changing the lamp, 'though Edited December 23, 2019 by raymw 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D-A-T Posted December 23, 2019 Share Posted December 23, 2019 Talking of success and failure, after years of dedicated medical training, a good friend of mine has been struck off following one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and now can no longer work in the job he loves. What a waste of time, training and money. A genuinely nice guy, and a brilliant vet. 1 15 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold ikks Posted December 24, 2019 RMweb Gold Share Posted December 24, 2019 13 hours ago, raymw said: Husband: “I changed a light bulb today. ” Wife: “ That's it? I did the laundry, vacuumed the house, washed windows, cooked three meals, and the list goes on and on ... And you changed a single light bulb? Husband: “Yep, that’s what I did today. Watch this; I filmed me doing it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1BgzIZRfT8 Gawd..........That made my guts churn, just watching it!! Mike 1 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post luckymucklebackit Posted December 24, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted December 24, 2019 Apparently, it's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethnic minority, so here goes!: An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scot, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Taiwanese, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turkish, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean all go to a nightclub. The doorman stops them and says, 'Sorry, I can't let you in without a Thai.' 3 18 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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