The Forum Jokes Thread

[luckymucklebackit]

 

Read me the bit again where the theiving little sod burns her mouth on my porridge

[kevinlms]

2 hours ago, luckymucklebackit said:

Apparently, it's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethnic minority, so here goes!:
An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scot, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Taiwanese, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turkish, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean all go to a nightclub.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The doorman stops them and says, 'Sorry, I can't let you in without a Thai.'

 

 

No Englishman either!

[KeithMacdonald]

13 minutes ago, kevinlms said:

No Englishman either!

 

He's still in the previous bar, wondering where his Irish and Scottish friends have gone. He's wondering : is it because it's their turn to buy a round?

[kevinlms]

30 minutes ago, KeithMacdonald said:

 

He's still in the previous bar, wondering where his Irish and Scottish friends have gone. He's wondering : is it because it's their turn to buy a round?

Actually, the answer is that this person is deemed 'a Brit', whereas Scots, Irish and Welsh are listed separately.

So probably the joke is written by an American?

[Damo666]

You know those moments when you think 'I've a good idea!'.

 

Well, this isn't one of them.

 

[Damo666]

 

 

 

 

[NorthBrit]

Why are turkeys unhappy?

 

It's Christmas

 

Why are chickens happy?

 

 

 

 

It's Christmas

[davefromacrossthepond]

7 hours ago, kevinlms said:

Actually, the answer is that this person is deemed 'a Brit', whereas Scots, Irish and Welsh are listed separately.

So probably the joke is written by an American?

As an American it really is quite confusing.  I was always taught that "British" and "Great Britain" refers to England, Scotland and Wales.  "United Kingdom" includes Great Britain and Northern Ireland.  If so, does that mean Brexit (British Exit) doesn't include Northern Ireland?  (Yeah I know this has the potential of opening a whole bunch of argument).  Of course the number of my countrymen who believe Canada is one of the "United States" can be quite embarrassing.  Oh well.

 

I will say this though - I do hope all of you will accept my sincere best wishes that you and yours have the happiest (and safest) of holiday seasons.  Reading this thread keeps me sane when it seems that the world has gone crazy.  You guys (and gals) rock!

[Steamport Southport]

14 minutes ago, davefromacrossthepond said:

As an American it really is quite confusing.  I was always taught that "British" and "Great Britain" refers to England, Scotland and Wales.  "United Kingdom" includes Great Britain and Northern Ireland.  If so, does that mean Brexit (British Exit) doesn't include Northern Ireland?  (Yeah I know this has the potential of opening a whole bunch of argument).  Of course the number of my countrymen who believe Canada is one of the "United States" can be quite embarrassing.  Oh well.

 

I will say this though - I do hope all of you will accept my sincere best wishes that you and yours have the happiest (and safest) of holiday seasons.  Reading this thread keeps me sane when it seems that the world has gone crazy.  You guys (and gals) rock!

 

The term Brexit was made up by lazy journalists. It came from Grexit when Greece were going to be slung out of the Euro a few years ago. There was also Frexit when France wanted out.

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greek_withdrawal_from_the_eurozone

 

 

 

Jason

[Gwiwer]

Owing to essential Brexit economies Santa will only be using two reindeer this year.

 

However you can still sing Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer because it names Orlov, the other reindeer.  

[Reorte]

1 hour ago, davefromacrossthepond said:

As an American it really is quite confusing.  I was always taught that "British" and "Great Britain" refers to England, Scotland and Wales.  "United Kingdom" includes Great Britain and Northern Ireland.  If so, does that mean Brexit (British Exit) doesn't include Northern Ireland?  (Yeah I know this has the potential of opening a whole bunch of argument).  Of course the number of my countrymen who believe Canada is one of the "United States" can be quite embarrassing.  Oh well.

 

I will say this though - I do hope all of you will accept my sincere best wishes that you and yours have the happiest (and safest) of holiday seasons.  Reading this thread keeps me sane when it seems that the world has gone crazy.  You guys (and gals) rock!

 

"British" is the term for someone from the UK. Geographically a bit questionable, but it is what it is. Great Britain is the name of the largest island in that particular archipelago off the north western European mainland, so it consists of the bits of England, Wales, and Scotland that aren't on other islands. The UK is the name of the sovereign nation that covers a large proportion of that archipelago. "Brexit" is therefore accurate enough, "British" being to the UK what French is to France or Japanese to Japan or Dutch to The Netherlands etc.

[billbedford]

1 hour ago, davefromacrossthepond said:

If so, does that mean Brexit (British Exit) doesn't include Northern Ireland?  (Yeah I know this has the potential of opening a whole bunch of argument). 

 

Sort of....  Northern Ireland is to stay in the EU customs union and single market (for good Irish reasons). What that will mean in practice, like most things about Brexit, nobody has actually worked out.

[Buhar]

5 minutes ago, billbedford said:

 

Sort of....  Northern Ireland is to stay in the EU customs union and single market (for good Irish reasons). What that will mean in practice, like most things about Brexit, nobody has actually worked out.

What, Bill, were instructions not provided!?  If they didn't know how to put it together, they shouldn't have bought it.

 

Alan

[Colin_McLeod]

Strictly speaking  Brexit should be UKexit.   Same problem when the UK goes to the Olympics and uses the term Team GB when it should really be Team UK.

[Steamport Southport]

It's alright. This is the border.

 

 

 

Jason

[Reorte]

1 hour ago, Colin_McLeod said:

Strictly speaking  Brexit should be UKexit.   Same problem when the UK goes to the Olympics and uses the term Team GB when it should really be Team UK.

 

"British" is the correct word for "of  or from the UK", so "Brexit" works. Team GB doesn't though because that strictly speaking only means the island of Great Britain, so excludes N. Ireland, Skye, the Isle of Wight, Anglesey etc. "British" is a poor choice of term but it's the one we're stuck with. A bit like "American" is a poor choice of word for "of or from the USA", because whilst it is the correct term for that it's also ambiguous because it can just as correctly refer to the entire continent.

[pH]

The reverse, used often in US media, is also annoying - calling the UK and/or GB "England". I have nothing against England - I lived there happily for 10 years, my three sons were born in England, identify themselves as English, and I'm fine with that. But I was born in a country called Scotland, not England. 

[Colin_McLeod]

 

7 hours ago, Reorte said:

 

"British" is the correct word for "of  or from the UK", so "Brexit" works. Team GB doesn't though because that strictly speaking only means the island of Great Britain, so excludes N. Ireland, Skye, the Isle of Wight, Anglesey etc. "British" is a poor choice of term but it's the one we're stuck with. 

 

So that's why it is Bank of England and not Bank of UK

 

 

 

Does this mean that the term "British Railways" is also wrong as BR does not cover Northern Ireland, which is served by the correctly named "Northern Ireland Railways" ?

Edited December 25, 2019 by Colin_McLeod

[Nick C]

Just to confuse things even more, British can also refer to the British Isles, i.e. the whole archipelago, including both sovereign states of the UK and Ireland - but not the channel Islands!

[F-UnitMad]

19 hours ago, kevinlms said:

the answer is that this person is deemed 'a Brit', whereas Scots, Irish and Welsh are listed separately.

Because these days to put "an Englishman" might be deemed racist??.  

[jcredfer]

7 minutes ago, F-UnitMad said:

Because these days to put "an Englishman" might be deemed racist??.  

 

Many a "one way street" in those and similar areas.

 

Julian

 

[Joseph_Pestell]

In the wine industry, we have lots of problems with this British/English conundrum. British wine is, technically, not wine at all under EU law. t is made from imported grapes or juice. Wine made from grapes grown here is English or Welsh. But this confuses the USA who prefer to think of us as British.

 

Quite the reverse of course in France where all Brits and Irish are thought of as English - even in rugby strongholds where they follow the Tournoi des Six Nations.

 

Great Britain/British is England, Wales and Scotland. So, correct that Team GB for the Olympics is wrong. But it gets round the issue of Northern Ireland athletes being allowed also to compete for the RoI.

[F-UnitMad]

Just checking... is this still the Jokes Thread???? 

 

Let's get things back on track...

[leopardml2341]

^^^ I agree with your sentiment, but I cannot resist the temptation to think out loud.....

 

I thought all the Brexit talk 'was' the joke

[leopardml2341]

In recompense: