RMweb Premium Compound2632 Posted December 14, 2019 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 14, 2019 5 minutes ago, NorthBrit said: Tie the toast to the cat's feet. Job done! I'll come and visit you in hospital after you've tried and failed. 1 1 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Dagworth Posted December 14, 2019 RMweb Gold Share Posted December 14, 2019 what happens if you strap two cats together back to back? Andi 1 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Compound2632 Posted December 14, 2019 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 14, 2019 1 hour ago, Dagworth said: what happens if you strap two cats together back to back? 5 hours ago, Compound2632 said: I'll come and visit you in hospital after you've tried and failed. 2 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Chris116 Posted December 14, 2019 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 14, 2019 1 hour ago, Dagworth said: what happens if you strap two cats together back to back? Andi They join forces and kill you. 1 3 6 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthBrit Posted December 14, 2019 Share Posted December 14, 2019 1 hour ago, Dagworth said: what happens if you strap two cats together back to back? Andi Not exactly that, but -- A true story. My son had four cats and was in his house alone with them. There was a gas leak right outside his house and was told by the gas board that he would have to evacuate the house. The cats would have none of it. My son would put the cats outside only for them to return immediately through the catflap. (It was one he could not lock.) Plan B. He got the cat carrying case and put the four cats inside and went to the evacuation centre holding the case. The said cat carrying case was not still for more than one millionth of a second. 1 12 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve1 Posted December 14, 2019 Share Posted December 14, 2019 Putting 4 cats into a single box is an achievement in itself! steve 13 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jcredfer Posted December 14, 2019 Share Posted December 14, 2019 Back at college many, many, years ago, there was a resident cat. It was a PE college and so performing movements in the air, was one of the topics explored. It was said that cats always land on their feet, with an incredible ability to flex their bodies to enable the rotation, such manouvers are predictably called "catting. Inevitably the cat was encouraged to demonstrate this skill by being dropped, upside-down from a first floor window, as each of the 3 groups of the course got to that subject. The poor animal got used to the performance and appreciated the treat it got as a result. It is rumoured, that one clever wagg, hung the cat out of the window, the right way up..... and the cat was so used to having to twist to land, ended up on it's back!! Regards Julian 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Colin_McLeod Posted December 14, 2019 Author RMweb Gold Share Posted December 14, 2019 A Russian couple were walking down the street in St Petersburg when the man felt a drop hit his nose. “I think it’s raining,” he said to his wife. “No, that felt more like snow to me.” She replied. “No, I’m sure it was just rain, “ he said. They were about to have a major argument when they saw a communist party official walking towards them. “Let’s not fight about it, “the man said.” Let’s ask Comrade Rudolph whether it’s officially raining or snowing”. As the official approached, the man said “Tell us, Comrade Rudolph whether it is officially raining or snowing?” “It’s raining of course,” he answered and walked on. But the woman insisted “I know that felt like snow!” To which the man replied quietly, “Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear” 1 11 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted December 14, 2019 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 14, 2019 (edited) On a cruise ship in mid Atlantic where it was rather windy the captain received a report that one of the lady passengers was exposing herself on the sun-deck. When he got to the sun-deck he saw the woman holding on to her hat in the wind which was lifting her skirts revealing that she was wearing nothing underneath. The captain went up to her and said "You do know that you're exposing your private parts. Wouldn't it be better if you let your hat go and you held your skirts down?" She answered "Whats down there has been about for 75 years, I only bought this hat last week." Edited December 15, 2019 by PhilJ W 2 8 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold ikks Posted December 15, 2019 RMweb Gold Share Posted December 15, 2019 A 10-year-old girl asks her mum, "Mummy, how was I born?" The Mum smiled and replied: "Once upon a time daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in and I took care of it every day. After a while the seed started to grow more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful healthy plant. So we took the plant, dried it, smoked it, and got so high that we made love without a condom!" Mike 2 14 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold ikks Posted December 15, 2019 RMweb Gold Share Posted December 15, 2019 A man was cupping his hand to scoop water from a Highland burn (stream). All of a sudden a Gamekeeper shouted, 'Dinnae drink tha waater! Et's fu' ae coo's shiite an pish!' The man replied, 'My Good fellow, I'm from England. Could you repeat that in English for me' The keeper replied, 'I said, use two hands - you'll spill less that way!!! Mike 2 12 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-UnitMad Posted December 15, 2019 Share Posted December 15, 2019 This thread is worse than the 'Dave' channel now.... nothing but repeats all the time. 1 1 1 2 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Colin_McLeod Posted December 15, 2019 Author RMweb Gold Share Posted December 15, 2019 This thread is worse than the 'Dave' channel now.... nothing but repeats all the time. 2 1 3 9 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted December 15, 2019 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 15, 2019 1 hour ago, F-UnitMad said: This thread is worse than the 'Dave' channel now.... nothing but repeats all the time. 1 hour ago, Colin_McLeod said: This thread is worse than the 'Dave' channel now.... nothing but repeats all the time. As above. 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jcm@gwr Posted December 15, 2019 Share Posted December 15, 2019 I phoned the police the other day. "What's your emergency?" they asked. I said "Two girls are fighting over me." "Ok," she paused. "Well, what's the problem?" "The ugly one is winning!" 1 1 11 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium petethemole Posted December 15, 2019 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 15, 2019 (edited) A joke wth no punch line. Edited December 15, 2019 by petethemole 2 5 6 6 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jcm@gwr Posted December 15, 2019 Share Posted December 15, 2019 Every machine is a smoke machine, if you operate it badly enough! 1 3 1 7 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jcm@gwr Posted December 15, 2019 Share Posted December 15, 2019 Did you hear about the explosion at the coconut processing factory? Apparently the workforce has been desiccated! A jealous French husband was charged with beating his unfaithful wife to death, with a fish. Police are calling it a crime of poisson. I've had an accident, and I'm at the A&E right now. Turns out the Dyson Ball Cleaner is not what I thought it was! 8 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold The Johnster Posted December 15, 2019 RMweb Gold Share Posted December 15, 2019 8 hours ago, petethemole said: A joke wth no punch line. Go to your room young man and don't come out until you've had a long hard think about what you've just done... 3 5 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jcredfer Posted December 15, 2019 Share Posted December 15, 2019 1 hour ago, jcm@gwr said: Did you hear about the explosion at the coconut processing factory? Apparently the workforce has been desiccated! A jealous French husband was charged with beating his unfaithful wife to death, with a fish. Police are calling it a crime of poisson. I've had an accident, and I'm at the A&E right now. Turns out the Dyson Ball Cleaner is not what I thought it was! A Judge could have you suctioned for that!! Julian 2 1 6 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold BoD Posted December 15, 2019 RMweb Gold Share Posted December 15, 2019 51 minutes ago, jcredfer said: A Judge could have you suctioned for that!! Julian He’s been Dyson with death. 1 6 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-UnitMad Posted December 15, 2019 Share Posted December 15, 2019 There. That's instead of a "Groan" button. I feel much better now. 4 2 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted December 15, 2019 Share Posted December 15, 2019 Looks like it might go cold. What was the two worst Winters? Mike and Bernie.... Jason 2 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium newbryford Posted December 15, 2019 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 15, 2019 2 4 1 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium kevinlms Posted December 16, 2019 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 16, 2019 19 hours ago, petethemole said: A joke wth no punch line. I posted it elsewhere, but didn't put your 'A joke with no punch line' line in. Instead, just renamed the cartoon as 'No punch line', even more subtle and confusing the group members! 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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