Hroth Posted July 14, 2020 Share Posted July 14, 2020 (edited) 38 minutes ago, Compound2632 said: With thanks to "Layman", who has clearly been frustrated beyond endurance by a lack of lemon curd in Tesco. They haven't any of their "own brand" Ginger Marmalade/Preserve either. Edited July 14, 2020 by Hroth Does Corvid-19 make yor spelin worser? 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Ramblin Rich Posted July 14, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted July 14, 2020 20 minutes ago, Hroth said: Edited 12 minutes ago by Hroth Does Corvid-19 make yor spelin worser? Nothing to Crow about... 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium J. S. Bach Posted July 14, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted July 14, 2020 57 minutes ago, Compound2632 said: Examination of conscience in time of Covid 1. Have you knowingly stockpiled more toilet rolls than your normal supply? 2. Are you deliberately concealing all the stock of lemon curd in the district? 3. Have you shouted indignantly at a film on tv because the characters were less than 2 metres apart? 4. Have you coveted your neighbour’s facemask? 5. Have you ever taken less than 20 seconds to wash your hands? How many times? 6. Have you ever been distracted by adverts for other videos while attending Mass via Youtube? 7. Have you indulged in excessive consumption of chocolates and/or quarantinis? 8. Have you failed to remember what day of the week it is? 9. Have you succumbed to the temptation to check your emails/social media every hour of the waking day? 10. Have you ever uncharitably called someone a covidiot? 11. Have you flattened the curve? If so, what do you mean? 12. Have you been on Bournemouth beach on a busy day? 13. Have you actually completed those wonderful tasks you set yourself weeks ago? Really? Even the loft? 1. No, but I did get a twelve pack of a different brand to try out after my current one was gone, brought it home and two days later found one in a box in the shed that that I had not czeched before (I was looking for something else and opened a box the movers had packed). This occurred a few days before the virus and hoarding made the news 2. Have no use for lemon curd 3. Do not watch tv 4. I have my own 5. Probably 6. No, but then my church does not celebrate mass 7. No 8. No 9. Daily. I am here now, isn't that enough 10. No 11. ? 12. Bournemouth Beach, absolutely no idea where that is; Rehobeth Beach, Delaware on the other hand 13. No, but then I never set tasks in advance. Knowing full well that they stand little chance of getting accomplished in the set timeframe 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Budgie Posted July 14, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted July 14, 2020 3 2 9 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold The Johnster Posted July 15, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted July 15, 2020 (edited) 17 hours ago, Compound2632 said: Catholic guilt? Cats are Calvinists, it's well-known. Sure of their own election. For the RCs among us, practicing or lapsed: Examination of conscience in time of Covid 1. Have you knowingly stockpiled more toilet rolls than your normal supply? 2. Are you deliberately concealing all the stock of lemon curd in the district? 3. Have you shouted indignantly at a film on tv because the characters were less than 2 metres apart? 4. Have you coveted your neighbour’s facemask? 5. Have you ever taken less than 20 seconds to wash your hands? How many times? 6. Have you ever been distracted by adverts for other videos while attending Mass via Youtube? 7. Have you indulged in excessive consumption of chocolates and/or quarantinis? 8. Have you failed to remember what day of the week it is? 9. Have you succumbed to the temptation to check your emails/social media every hour of the waking day? 10. Have you ever uncharitably called someone a covidiot? 11. Have you flattened the curve? If so, what do you mean? 12. Have you been on Bournemouth beach on a busy day? 13. Have you actually completed those wonderful tasks you set yourself weeks ago? Really? Even the loft? [With thanks to "Layman", who has clearly been frustrated beyond endurance by a lack of lemon curd in Tesco.] Not catholic, so not bothered much by the guilt thing, but I have done numbers 3,5,7.8. and 9. As for 10, I have called several people covidiots, but correctly and justifiably rather than uncharitably... Also, been to Bournemouth beach on a crowded day, but claim immunity from censure as it was in 1964. Edited July 15, 2020 by The Johnster 2 2 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted July 15, 2020 Share Posted July 15, 2020 The pope like cats and watches YouTube videos of cats. He's a cat-oholic.... 5 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold The Johnster Posted July 15, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted July 15, 2020 15 hours ago, J. S. Bach said: Bournemouth Beach, absolutely no idea where that is It's a few yards south of Bournemouth... 1 1 1 10 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted July 15, 2020 Share Posted July 15, 2020 I thought that was Boscombe Beach. With other named beaches such as Southbourne and Branksome. Bournemouth Beach is just a generic term made up by the lazy press. Jason 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Alex TM Posted July 15, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted July 15, 2020 4 hours ago, Steamport Southport said: The pope like cats and watches YouTube videos of cats. He's a cat-oholic.... A Milton Jones joke? 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted July 15, 2020 Share Posted July 15, 2020 10 minutes ago, Alex TM said: A Milton Jones joke? Yep. Does anyone have a cat? Your house stinks! 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium J. S. Bach Posted July 16, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted July 16, 2020 6 hours ago, Steamport Southport said: Does anyone have a cat? Your house stinks! Yes. No! 1 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
CameronL Posted July 16, 2020 Share Posted July 16, 2020 One for the dog lovers among us - If you asked a lot of dogs the question "How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?", what sort of answers would you get? The Golden Retriever - "It's a beautiful day, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, the breeze is warm, the fields are green and open. Who cares about light bulbs?" The German Shepherd - "I'll do it, as soon as I've walked round the fences and checked the house for intruders." The Border Collie - "I'll do it, and then I'll re-wire the house." The Rottweiler - "Are you gonna make me?" The Yorkshire Terrier - "Who cares about lightbulbs? Look at me, aren't I cute?" The Irish Setter - "What's a light bulb?" The Labrador - "I don't know. Can you eat it?" The Springer Spaniel - "Me, can I do it? Please, please, me, me, me? Go on, let me. Please, please. Me. Please!" The Poodle - "I'll blow in the Border Collie's ear and get him to do it, then while he's re-wiring the house I'll have my coat clipped." The Jack Russell Terrier - "I'll do it, as soon as I've stopped bouncing off the walls and furniture." The Dachshund - "Are you kidding? I'm far too short to change a light-bulb." The Pekingese - "I'll have my man do it for you." The Rescue Dog - "I'll have a go, if it will make someone love me." Of course, if you ask a cat "How many cats does it take to change a light-bulb?" the only answer you'll get is "Do I look like a dog? Now FEED ME, SUCKER!" 4 7 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanuts Posted July 16, 2020 Share Posted July 16, 2020 The police have informed me they have recovered my stolen 3 piece suite which is really good of them as it had begun to look a bit tatty. 1 16 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-UnitMad Posted July 16, 2020 Share Posted July 16, 2020 13 hours ago, Steamport Southport said: Does anyone have a cat? Your house stinks! 6 hours ago, J. S. Bach said: Yes. No! You answer "No" because you're used to it & don't notice the smell any more. Dogs have Owners. Cats have Staff. 3 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
sir douglas Posted July 16, 2020 Share Posted July 16, 2020 water pump gasket for a 1997 Toyota Tacoma 1 8 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckymucklebackit Posted July 16, 2020 Share Posted July 16, 2020 39 minutes ago, sir douglas said: water pump gasket for a 1997 Toyota Tacoma Now I know the true meaning of blowing a gasket. 1 9 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted July 16, 2020 Share Posted July 16, 2020 4 hours ago, CameronL said: One for the dog lovers among us - Do you have a dog? Your house stinks! Tee. hee, open goal. 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted July 16, 2020 Share Posted July 16, 2020 Any students on this forum? Your house also stinks! 2 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocor Posted July 16, 2020 Share Posted July 16, 2020 17 hours ago, Steamport Southport said: Yep. Does anyone have a cat? Your house stinks! Reminded me of this ancient joke. Husband: I think we should get a pet gorilla. Wife: But where will it sleep?. Husband: In bed with us. Wife: But what about the smell?. Husband: He will get used to it, I did. 2 10 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Baby Deltic Posted July 16, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted July 16, 2020 2 18 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted July 16, 2020 Share Posted July 16, 2020 "Here's your reprieve letter" "Pop it in the basket I'll read it later!" 2 8 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Chris116 Posted July 16, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted July 16, 2020 A rabbit, preacher and Priest enter a bar. The bartender asks the rabbit: What'l you have? The rabbit says "Nothing thank you, I'm only here because of auto-correct. 1 11 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted July 16, 2020 Share Posted July 16, 2020 Hmm. Rabbit jokes.... 12 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted July 16, 2020 Share Posted July 16, 2020 18 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baby Deltic Posted July 16, 2020 Share Posted July 16, 2020 1 15 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now