Guest Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 Pierre, a French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the river Seine. It is a beautiful day and love is in the air, so Marie leans over to Pierre and says: "Pierre, kiss me". So our hero grabs a bottle of red wine and splashes it on Marie's lips. "What are you doing, Pierre?" shrieks Marie. "Well, my name is Pierre, the French fighter pilot, and when I have red meat I like to have red wine!" His answer is good enough for Marie and things begin to heat up. So she says: "Pierre, kiss me lower." Our hero rips off her blouse, grabs a bottle of white wine and starts pouring it all over her . "Pierre, what are you doing" she says. "My name is Pierre, the French fighter pilot, and when I have white meat I like to have white wine!" They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up. Marie leans over once more and softly whispers into Pierre's ear..."Pierre, kiss me lower." Pierre tears off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and sprinkles it all over her private region. He then grabs a match and lights it on fire. Patting the flames out furiously, Marie screams, "PIERRE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!?" "My name is Pierre, the French fighter pilot, and when I go down, I go down in flames! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamiel Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 A joke stolen from Facebook, appologies for the language.Storm Callum has now hit the coast of North Wales.S_h_i_t just got Rhyl. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Stubby47 Posted October 12, 2018 RMweb Gold Share Posted October 12, 2018 Callum can only improve the place... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
manna Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 G'Day Folks Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 Patisserie Valerie finance chief arrested on fraud charges. He's been remanded in custardy. Let's hope he gets his just desserts. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Norm81 Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 Patisserie Valerie finance chief arrested on fraud charges. He's been remanded in custardy. Let's hope he gets his just desserts. It's related to an unusual turnover that's been discovered... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
choo1choo Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 It's related to an unusual turnover that's been discovered... Creaming off the profits. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Two_sugars Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 Known as Having your cake and eating it. . . . 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 How come they are bankrupt? They make a good slice of profiteroles but they have muffin left. They should choux a more honest Finance Director not that tart they had. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve1 Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 "Knock, knock" "Who's there?" "Grandad" "Quick, stop the cremation!" steve 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
manna Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 G'Day Folks 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
APOLLO Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 Brit15 6 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RJS1977 Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 Fits in quite well with the episode of 'Hancock' on Radio 4 Extra today :-) 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
manna Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 G'Day Folks A bra, a set of jump leads and a battery, go into a Pub, the bra orders three beers' The Barman refuses to serve them. The bra ask's why ! The barman replies, 'Your off your tits, and those two are about to start something' manna Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
graeme3300 Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 What do you call a snake that’s 3.14 metres long? A π thon. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
raymw Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 One Sunday , in counting the money in the weekly offering, the Pastor of a small church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. It happened again the next week! The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and he saw an elderly woman put the distinctive pink envelope on the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her. "Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated. "Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money And I give some of it to the church." The pastor replied, "That's wonderful. But $1000 is a lot, are you sure you can afford this? How much does he send you?" The elderly woman answered, "$10,000 a week." The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful; what does he do for a living?" "He is a veterinarian," she answered. "That's an honorable profession, but I had no idea they made that much money," the pastor said. "Where does he practice?" The woman answered proudly, "In Nevada.... He has two cat houses, one in Las Vegas, and one in Reno". Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
raymw Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 (edited) . Edited October 17, 2018 by raymw Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
raymw Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 . Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium newbryford Posted October 17, 2018 RMweb Premium Share Posted October 17, 2018 Thanks to OD on FB... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Titan Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 Ironically -4 to 7 is a range of only 12, so I guess even the originator of the joke was not that great at maths either! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Alex TM Posted October 17, 2018 RMweb Premium Share Posted October 17, 2018 Ironically -4 to 7 is a range of only 12, so I guess even the originator of the joke was not that great at maths either! Isn't that part of the joke? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
peach james Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 Now that Canada has legalized cannabis, in the future this sort of question may require a university education to answer. Canada RIP. Given what I was taught in Grade 10 civic's class, that in order for a law to be workable it must be seen as being just, and that 1/5th of Canadians have admitted to smoking "the devil's weed" illegally, it seems more a reflection of how our society feels than anything else- that perhaps it isn't anything like as vile as people make it out to be. Do you REALLY think that if 20%+ of the population have partaken as an illegal activity that the law can be considered just? It may have made it legal, but I don't think the % of people who consume on a regular basis will change much... James Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Classsix T Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 Given what I was taught in Grade 10 civic's class, that in order for a law to be workable it must be seen as being just, and that 1/5th of Canadians have admitted to smoking "the devil's weed" illegally, it seems more a reflection of how our society feels than anything else- that perhaps it isn't anything like as vile as people make it out to be. Do you REALLY think that if 20%+ of the population have partaken as an illegal activity that the law can be considered just? It may have made it legal, but I don't think the % of people who consume on a regular basis will change much... James Absolutely, it's been made legal, not compulsory. Holland seems to do alright and Portugal, which aiui has gone much further with regards recreational drugs, doesn't appear to be making adverse headlines. C6T. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gibbo675 Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 What do you call a snake that’s 3.14 metres long? A π thon. That reminds me, Why did the chicken cross the Moebius band ? To get to the same side ! Gibbo. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
leopardml2341 Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 How do you know you're in bed with an elephant? He has 'E' on his pyjamas. Sorry I'm late to the party. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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