RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted October 6, 2018 RMweb Premium Share Posted October 6, 2018 Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow. So they can hide upside down in a bowl of custard. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-UnitMad Posted October 6, 2018 Share Posted October 6, 2018 Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow. So they can hide upside down in a bowl of custard. Ever seen an elephant in a bowl of custard..?? Proves it works, doesn't it... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peter Kazmierczak Posted October 6, 2018 Share Posted October 6, 2018 Heard this on the radio today.... European Summit with all the leaders assembled following the 2008 financial crash. All trying to sort out a plan to save their economies. Merkel, Sarkozy and Belusconi are all listening intently to Gordon Brown about the merits of his rescue plan. Then Belusconi can be heard muttering in the background "Amateurs, all amateurs". Does he have a plan then to get us out of this mess if he thinks we're all amateurs at this, they all wonder? "Amateurs, all amateurs" Belusconi again repeats. "Do they not realise there is a press conference in 30 minutes and none of them has brought their make-up artists with them!". Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Ian J. Posted October 6, 2018 RMweb Premium Share Posted October 6, 2018 How can you tell when there's been an elephant in your fridge? ...by the footprints in the butter... How can you tell when there's two elephants in your fridge? ...you can't close the door... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium BR60103 Posted October 7, 2018 RMweb Premium Share Posted October 7, 2018 (edited) What did de Gaulle say when he say the elephants coming over the hill? "Voila les elephants coming over the hill." What did the elephants say when they saw de Gaulle? Nothing. They don't speak French. Edited October 7, 2018 by BR60103 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium kevinlms Posted October 7, 2018 RMweb Premium Share Posted October 7, 2018 What do you call the black stuff, between elephants toes? Dead Ants! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Ramblin Rich Posted October 7, 2018 RMweb Gold Share Posted October 7, 2018 Why do elephants have wrinkles on the soles of their feet? To give the ants a 50:50 chance Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Titan Posted October 7, 2018 Share Posted October 7, 2018 I would like to see the size of the eleph that was cross bred with the ant... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium newbryford Posted October 7, 2018 RMweb Premium Share Posted October 7, 2018 (edited) Q: What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? A: Time to build a new fence. Q: What's red and white on the outside and grey on the inside? A: A can of Campbell's Cream of Elephant Soup. Edited October 7, 2018 by newbryford Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gibbo675 Posted October 7, 2018 Share Posted October 7, 2018 Paddy went to see a farrier for a job. The farrier asked him, " Have you ever shoed horses?" Paddy told him, "Err, well no, but I did once tell a donkey to f### off!" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bill Posted October 8, 2018 Share Posted October 8, 2018 Luke and Obi-Wan walk into a Chinese restaurant. Ten minutes into the meal, Luke’s still having trouble with the chopsticks, dropping food everywhere. Obi-Wan finally snaps, “Use the forks, Luke" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gibbo675 Posted October 8, 2018 Share Posted October 8, 2018 How did Darth Vader know what Obi Wan Kenobi was getting for Christmas ? He felt his presents ! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthBrit Posted October 9, 2018 Share Posted October 9, 2018 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RJS1977 Posted October 9, 2018 Share Posted October 9, 2018 I seem to remember a variation of that joke in an episode of 'Sorry' in the mid 80s. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
manna Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 G'Day Folks Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve K Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 The 'mini' jokes were funnier with the original, not the modern fat bloated version of the car. The first time my lad (now 15) saw an original Mini a few years back now, he couldn't believe how small it actually was. 15? Blimey! How long have I had that HO stuff without building a layout? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wacol Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband.. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded: " Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty.. You're crazy to go to Rome . So, how are you getting there?" "We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!" "Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser.. " That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?" "We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste." "Don't go any further.. I know that place. Everybody thinks it's gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump." "We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope." "That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it." A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome. "It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class.. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a £5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!" "Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope." "Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me." "Oh, really! What'd he say ?" He said: "Who the F#@k did your hair?" 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold ikks Posted October 10, 2018 RMweb Gold Share Posted October 10, 2018 brilliant!! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
manna Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 G'Day Folks 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamiel Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 (edited) How can you tell when there's been an elephant in your fridge? ...by the footprints in the butter... How can you tell when there's two elephants in your fridge? ...you can't close the door... There were a couple of others in this series, or related. Q. How do you get four elephants in a mini? A. Two in the front, two in the back. Q. How can you tell if there are 3 elephants in your fridge? A. Lots of footprints in the butter and the door really won't close. Q. How can you tell if there are four elephants in your fridge? A. The mini is parked outside. Jamie Edited October 11, 2018 by Jamiel Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamiel Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 A couple of cartoons that have appeared on my Facebook feed, hope they haven't been posted before, you really can't do a word search for a picture.Jamie Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
APOLLO Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 Another rude Parrot joke ---- A woman is looking for a parrot as she finds them interesting. She finds two nice looking parrots in a pet store, one costs £495 the other costs £5. She asks a staff member why it’s so cheap and he tells her that it used too live in a brothel and swears a lot. Amused the woman buys the parrot and takes it home. Once settled it says “**** me, this is a nice brothel.” The woman laughs. Later her daughters come home and the parrot whistles and says “**** me, new girls for the brothel.” A few hours later her husband comes home from work and the parrot says “**** me Keith, not seen you in ages!” Brit15 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
manna Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 G'Day Folks variation of a theme......... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
APOLLO Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 There must be a Parrot in here. There must be a Parrot in here Brit15 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gibbo675 Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 A man in a pub was talking at the bar about why he suspected that his wife as having an affair with the milkman. After being overheard he was approached by another who offered to sell him a parrot that could accurately retell incidents that it had witnessed. The man noted that the parrot had no feet and asked how it stayed on its perch. He was told it wrapped his "John Thomas" around the perch and therefore didn't any longer need his feet. The man bought the parrot and placed it in the kitchen. The next day the man asked the parrot what had happened that day. The parrot told him that the milkman had called and the man's wife invited him in for tea,................ and than they sat really close to each other at the table,...............and then they started talking in suggestive manner,..................... and then the milkman's hand went near her leg,....................and that he could see that his wife was wearing sexy underwear,.........................and then I don't know I lost the grip upon my perch !!! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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