Guest Posted April 21, 2019 Share Posted April 21, 2019 (edited) Nope. You lost me there. Edited April 21, 2019 by Guest Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium newbryford Posted April 21, 2019 RMweb Premium Share Posted April 21, 2019 We tried various positions: Round the back. On the side. Up against the wall. But in the end, we both came to the same conclusion, that the bottom of the garden was the only place for a really good shed. (From the book - Fifty Sheds of Grey) 1 1 7 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
raymw Posted April 21, 2019 Share Posted April 21, 2019 1 14 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Two_sugars Posted April 21, 2019 Share Posted April 21, 2019 Surely, once was more than enough! And Yes . . .I know . . . you're not called Shirley. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-UnitMad Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 On 20/04/2019 at 22:46, Stubby47 said: Can you actually pronounce it? ( I can ) 23 hours ago, Mike Storey said: Go on then! "It". Another 'oldest joke in the book' wheeled out again. 2 6 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
manna Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 G'Day Folks 1 1 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jcm@gwr Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 Saw a great offer, so I bought a 1 litre bottle of Tippex, HUGE mistake! 1 6 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-UnitMad Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 9 hours ago, manna said: G'Day Folks I see we are back to repeating jokes from just two pages back Posted top of page 310, on 5th April. Maybe we need a "Short Attention Span" button? 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 On 21/04/2019 at 21:26, NittenDormer said: Is this the right place to confess that I have been banned from B&Q (other similar establishments available for the purpose of cheap jokes)? One of their assistants came up to me and said "do you want decking?", so I hit him first. Better not say that in New Zealand... Possibly NSFW if you are easily offended. No actual swear words used, just implied. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i6c4Nupnup0 Jason 2 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post billbedford Posted April 23, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted April 23, 2019 Mmm yes 1 22 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckymucklebackit Posted April 25, 2019 Share Posted April 25, 2019 This lady found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the vet. He found that the problem was hair in its ears. He cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that if she wanted to keep this from recurring she should go to the store and get some "Veet" hair removal cream and rub it in the dog's ears once a month. The lady goes to the chemist and gets some "Veet" hair removal cream. At the register the pharmacist tells her, "If you're going to use this under your arms don't use deodorant for a few days." The lady says: "I'm not using it under my arms." The pharmacist says: "If you're using it on your legs don't shave for a couple of days." The lady says: "I'm not using it on my legs either; if you must know, I'm using it on my schnauzer.." The pharmacist says: "Stay off your bicycle for at least a week." Groan button ready.... Lost on a rainy night, a nun stumbles across a monastery and requests shelter there. Fortunately, she's just in time for dinner and was treated to the best fish and chips she's ever had. After dinner, she goes into the kitchen to thank the chefs. She is met by two brothers, "Hello, I'm Brother Michael, and this is Brother Charles." "I'm very pleased to meet you. I just wanted to thank you for a wonderful dinner. The fish and chips were the best I've ever tasted. Out of curiosity, who cooked what?" Brother Charles replied, "Well, I'm the fish friar." She turns the other brother and says, "Then you must be...?" "Yes, I'm the chip monk. 3 14 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Two_sugars Posted April 25, 2019 Share Posted April 25, 2019 You wuz getting a "like" till I read the second one. . . . . John 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
leopardml2341 Posted April 25, 2019 Share Posted April 25, 2019 32 minutes ago, Two_sugars said: You wuz getting a "like" till I read the second one. . . . . John But...... That was the better of the two! 3 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Popular Post Sidecar Racer Posted April 25, 2019 RMweb Premium Popular Post Share Posted April 25, 2019 13 8 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jcredfer Posted April 25, 2019 Share Posted April 25, 2019 That one used to be about the Devon Village Idiot, about 70 years ago, to my knowledge. Good to know the Yanks have caught up at last. Regards Julian 2 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold teaky Posted April 25, 2019 RMweb Gold Share Posted April 25, 2019 The Two Ronnies did it as a sketch too. 2 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
APOLLO Posted April 25, 2019 Share Posted April 25, 2019 Brit15 2 8 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
raymw Posted April 25, 2019 Share Posted April 25, 2019 6 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Enterprisingwestern Posted April 26, 2019 RMweb Gold Share Posted April 26, 2019 18 hours ago, luckymucklebackit said: This lady found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the vet. He found that the problem was hair in its ears. He cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that if she wanted to keep this from recurring she should go to the store and get some "Veet" hair removal cream and rub it in the dog's ears once a month. The lady goes to the chemist and gets some "Veet" hair removal cream. At the register the pharmacist tells her, "If you're going to use this under your arms don't use deodorant for a few days." The lady says: "I'm not using it under my arms." The pharmacist says: "If you're using it on your legs don't shave for a couple of days." The lady says: "I'm not using it on my legs either; if you must know, I'm using it on my schnauzer.." The pharmacist says: "Stay off your bicycle for at least a week." Groan button ready.... Lost on a rainy night, a nun stumbles across a monastery and requests shelter there. Fortunately, she's just in time for dinner and was treated to the best fish and chips she's ever had. After dinner, she goes into the kitchen to thank the chefs. She is met by two brothers, "Hello, I'm Brother Michael, and this is Brother Charles." "I'm very pleased to meet you. I just wanted to thank you for a wonderful dinner. The fish and chips were the best I've ever tasted. Out of curiosity, who cooked what?" Brother Charles replied, "Well, I'm the fish friar." She turns the other brother and says, "Then you must be...?" "Yes, I'm the chip monk. A groan button is too good for you, where is the "banned from the forum for life" button? Mike. 1 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Kylestrome Posted April 26, 2019 RMweb Premium Share Posted April 26, 2019 (edited) x Edited April 29, 2019 by Kylestrome 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gibbo675 Posted April 26, 2019 Share Posted April 26, 2019 2 hours ago, Kylestrome said: I'm still trying to work out what a moustache (Schnauzer) has to do with a bicycle? David Hi David, You are quite right, should a Schnauzer be a type of beard it would all make much more sense ! How rude, Gibbo. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Enterprisingwestern Posted April 26, 2019 RMweb Gold Share Posted April 26, 2019 2 hours ago, Kylestrome said: I'm still trying to work out what a moustache (Schnauzer) has to do with a bicycle? David Have you ever kissed a girl??!!!!! Mike. 1 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post APOLLO Posted April 26, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted April 26, 2019 Brit15 1 23 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
yorkie_pudd Posted April 26, 2019 Share Posted April 26, 2019 3 minutes ago, APOLLO said: Brit15 So funny and so so true, i nearly spat my coffee out lol 4 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Classsix T Posted April 26, 2019 Share Posted April 26, 2019 4 hours ago, Kylestrome said: I'm still trying to work out what a moustache (Schnauzer) has to do with a bicycle? David Handlebars. Obvs. C6T. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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