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The Forum Jokes Thread


Colin_McLeod
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Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

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29 minutes ago, Colin_McLeod said:

How on earth can anyone think Ypres is pronounced Wipers

Quite easily - it's a 'Y' to start with, and 'pres' could be pronounced 'pers' in a similar way to how "centre" is pronounced, despite the location of the 'r'. The American spelling of 'center' makes more sense.

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12 minutes ago, Joseph_Pestell said:

 

The English are good at mispronouncing foreign place names. 

 

Not just the English. Think how the French pronounce London and they even spell it wrong. And they don't even call us English.

 

 

 

 

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3 minutes ago, grahame said:

 

Not just the English. Think how the French pronounce London and they even spell it wrong. And they don't even call us English.

 

 

 

 

That's contrary to my experience. Welsh, Scots and Irish are all "Anglais" to the French.

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28 minutes ago, Joseph_Pestell said:

 

The English are good at mispronouncing foreign place names. The second city of the Herault Departement is often rendered as "Buzeers".

 

Professions too. Chocolatier is rendered, even on TV adverts, as "chocolateers". I blame Dumas (or his translators).

 

Which leads us nicely to 

 

 

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33 minutes ago, F-UnitMad said:

Quite easily - it's a 'Y' to start with, and 'pres' could be pronounced 'pers' in a similar way to how "centre" is pronounced, despite the location of the 'r'. The American spelling of 'center' makes more sense.

 

But regardless of the spelling, the r is not pronounced. It could just as easily be spelt "senta". 

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36 minutes ago, Joseph_Pestell said:

That's contrary to my experience. Welsh, Scots and Irish are all "Anglais" to the French.

 

Exactly. Anglias isn't the correct pronunciation, or spelling, of English. And I guess they can't tell the difference between the various UK nations, which is odd as they have specific words for Scottish, Welsh and northern Irish.

 

 

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I learnt everything I know about foreigners from Allo Allo and now I'm fluent in French, German and Italian.

 

 

As for Wipers. Wasn't the phrase coined by soldiers in something like the East Lancashire Regiment? Who probably weren't fluent in foreign languages....

 

 

 

Jason

Edited by Steamport Southport
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9 minutes ago, Steamport Southport said:

I learnt everything I know about foreigners from Allo Allo and now I'm fluent in French, German and Italian.

 

 

As for Wipers. Wasn't the phrase coined by soldiers in something like the East Lancashire Regiment? Who probably weren't fluent in foreign languages....

 

 

 

Jason

 

Or even English!

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14 minutes ago, jcm@gwr said:

 

Or even English!

 

 

A'll have thee know.

We can speak t' Queen's English proper.

Al'reet?

 

Mizzling - A word used to describe a very specific type of rain. Used when it is spitting or drizzling.

Thrutch - To physically strain of stretch oneself - especially when you're really giving it some.

Baggin time - The time of the day when work stops and you can finally clock off to go home.

Longerted or cottered - When something is particularly and irritatingly tangled.

Larrup - The action of giving someone a hard smack or a bit of a wallop.

Skit - To mock someone or make fun of them.

Braggarting - When someone is going on and on about something, they are braggarting.

Thronged - A word to be used when you are very busy indeed. Probably related to the word 'throng', used to describe a tightly packed area or crowd.

Witchett - The dreadful feeling of finding yourself absolutely wet through from the rain.

 

Brosen - A person or an animal that is chubby or plump looking. In some areas this could also mean the feeling of eating until you are fit to burst.

Moidered - When you feel particularly worried.

Petty - The toilet.

Dree - Another weather word, used to describe a different type of rain. When the rain is coming down steadily and monotonously, it is 'coming down dree'.

Noddy or goffy - Someone who is considered foolish or stupid.

Fratching - To argue or quarrel with someone.

Feart - A word to be used when you are particularly scared or frightened.

Baggin - A small snack to be eaten between meals.

Esshoil - An incredibly specific term to be used when the ash drops into the fireplace.

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1 hour ago, RFS said:

 

But regardless of the spelling, the r is not pronounced. It could just as easily be spelt "senta". 

Speak for youself (see what I did there?).

Those of use with rhotic accents DO pronounce the r - and probably argue about whether it is sentar, sentor or senterrrr.

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1 hour ago, Steamport Southport said:

 

As for Wipers. Wasn't the phrase coined by soldiers in something like the East Lancashire Regiment? Who probably weren't fluent in foreign languages....

 

Probably bastardised from Ieper, which is the Flemish for Ypres, which is the more  commonly used in historical documents

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1 hour ago, RFS said:

 

But regardless of the spelling, the r is not pronounced. It could just as easily be spelt "senta". 

If you pronounce 'centre' as "senta that's just your accent. Spelt the American way, the 'r' is pronounced in 'center'.

 

But the English are quite capable of destroying their own language; note the common use these days of "could of", "should of" etc, instead of the correct "could have", "should have" & so on.

 

Is this still the Jokes Thread???!!! Must be the longest drift off-topic, to try & explain a 100-year-old joke!!! :rolleyes: :shout:  :banghead:

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23 minutes ago, F-UnitMad said:

If you pronounce 'centre' as "senta that's just your accent. Spelt the American way, the 'r' is pronounced in 'center'.

 

But the English are quite capable of destroying their own language; note the common use these days of "could of", "should of" etc, instead of the correct "could have", "should have" & so on.

 

Is this still the Jokes Thread???!!! Must be the longest drift off-topic, to try & explain a 100-year-old joke!!! :rolleyes: :shout:  :banghead:

 

It is still, relevant, in that the recent subject matter has concerned the, laughable, rules governing various forms of our language many of which have more variations than the rule.

 

I informed all my classes that, English language is far more difficult than the "perceived" problematic subject of Mathematics: on the grounds that Maths questions have a provable answer.  English questions, when answered merely provoke a discussion, which never has a provable solution.   Maths, on the other hand is about providing a logically provable reply, ie. you know when the answer is right.

 

Julian

Edited by jcredfer
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We are the Borg...

 

You will be assimilated.

 

Your physical and technological differences will be added to our own.

 

Resistance is futile!

 

Well, some thing like that.

 

;)

 

We are the Daleks....

 

You will obey!

 

 

Exterminate.... Exterminate....Exterminate...

 

Or something like that!

 

;)

Edited by Sarahagain
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Quatermass...

 

That would be the one with the 'blob', that was the crew of a returning space mission?

 

I liked the wiring up of the scaffolding in Westminster Abbey to the output of Battersea Power Station...

 

"Ok, take it away Battersea"...and a number of large 'knife switches' being put in, and meters shewing lots of volts!

 

Quatermass and The Pit was also good, and had some Railway in it!

 

;)

Edited by Sarahagain
clarification...
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22 minutes ago, Sarahagain said:

Quatermass...

 

That would be the one with the 'blob', that was the crew of a returning space mission?

 

I liked the wiring up of the scaffolding in Westminster Abbey to the output of Battersea Power Station...

 

"Ok, take it away Battersea"...and a number of large 'knife switches' being put in, and meters shewing lots of volts!

 

Quatermass and The Pit was also good, and had some Railway in it!

 

;)

 

 

battersea.jpg

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2 hours ago, newbryford said:

 ...snip...

Larrup - The action of giving someone a hard smack or a bit of a wallop.

 ...snip...

I have heard that used over here occasionally.

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1 hour ago, Sarahagain said:

 

 

We are the Daleks....

 

You will obey!

 

 

Exterminate.... Exterminate....Exterminate...

 

O

 

 

I asked my friend if he knew where the Daleks were from.

 

He replied 

"Exeter, mate"

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